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The Spurs dunked their way to a big win over the Trail Blazers

The game was like Space Jam, without Bill Murray and everyone else in the movie.

NBA: Portland Trail Blazers at San Antonio Spurs Daniel Dunn-USA TODAY Sports

The Spurs kept their push for the postseason going with an offensive clinic against the Trail Blazers. Sure, Portland was missing its entire starting unit, and once-a-Spur-always-a-Spur Drew Eubanks was like Captain America at the end of Avengers: End Game, facing impossible odds for victory. Except in this story, the Spurs are the good guys, and the good guys made sure they took care of business in their race for the playoffs.

Devin Vassell led all players with 22 points as the Spurs were missing their MVP, Dejounte Murray. Keldon Johnson had 21 points for the night, and eight players scored in the double digits.

Devin Vassell shined and showed what he’s capable of when called upon to lead the team. Vassell played with confidence all night, yet he let the game come to him rather than force the issue. He attacked the paint when necessary and shuffled perfectly into position at other times, evidenced by his 4-8 from downtown sniping. Vassell also showed a variety of moves and showed off his in-between game. As the second-year player continues to grow, it will be very exciting to see him gain more confidence and start to take over games.

This beautiful ball movement is brought to you by four out of five Spurs players on the floor who touched the ball and played hot potato until Josh Primo deftly dimed a touch pass to Jakob Poeltl for the jam. The dunk fest was certainly fun, but the unselfish play all night was just brilliant.

I was able to do my taxes during the entire time Lonnie Walker IV was hanging in the air for this circus shot. The good news is I am getting a one million dollar refund, and the better news is that Lonnie Walker looked spry out there in his second game returning from his back injury.

Cannot spell H-O-R-S-E without Tre Isiah Jones. I googled his middle name, and boy did we luck out!

Devin Vassell thought about taking the three, but then decided that he wanted in on the dunk fiesta. And sweet sassy molassy did he get in on the dunk fiesta. Vassell cocked this one back and let loose a thunderous throwdown.

It’s Jock O’Clock somewhere. He shook off the opposing player hurdling over his shoulder and got an And-1 out of it. I agree Jock, that kind of foul deserves an And-2. Landale made the most of his 14 minutes tonight with 10 points, 3 rebounds, and 1 block.

I have an idea for a micro brew: Lonnie Hops. It’s perfectly balanced, smooth, yet zippy. Doesn’t weigh you down because like Lonnie Walker’s game, it has a springlike elegance to it. Lonnie Hops is an airy, bright nitro that finishes strong.

Jakob Poeltl is the type of guy you invite to a party, and he brings his own CD binder of ‘90s alternative rock music. That is to say, you’re glad you invited him because he never disappoints. Foo Fighters forever, man. Here, the Spurs big man decided to join in on the dunk fiesta. If anyone has a Jakob Poeltl dunking Fiesta medal, I have Venmo.

Good golly, Lonnie! The seas parted for Walker to Charlton Heston his way through the paint for a staggering slam of biblical proportions. I’m not a very religious person, but I’m pretty sure “Thou shalt not be passive when attacking the lane” is the 11th commandment.

This clip was only 17 seconds, but I felt exhausted watching all 17 seconds of Zach Collins’s hustle on both ends of the floor. Collins’ endless motor had him doing a bit of everything on this play. He initiated the fast break with a deflection and then ran the floor to post up and find an open Spur for the three-point attempt. Then the shot rims out, but Collins stays in the play and muscles his way back up for a hard-earned score.

Josh. Primo. On draft night, I drank the Josh Primo Kool-Aid early and often. I’m still chugging on the Josh Primo Kool-Aid. My old college roommates are tired of our group chat discussions being interrupted by my proselytizing to them on whether they have accepted Josh Primo as their once and future star—who will explode into superstardom not seen since Kobe Bryant? They are all Houston Rockets fans so they mostly ignore my Spurs rants.

And last but never least, the full-game highlights:

Next up, the Spurs and Blazers run it back again on Sunday night, April 3, 2022 at the AT&T Center.