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NBA Finals BINGO: winning the Spurs way, winning at life

PtR wants to play a game for the NBA Finals between the Spurs and Heat. Are you ready?

Pool Photo-USA TODAY Sports

The Spurs and Heat are kicking things off in but a few hours, and if you are like me, that means that you're sitting on your sofa, sharpening your longblade, stretching out your crossbow, and gnoshing on some home made beef jerky in order to get the competitive juices flowing.

Oh, and by the way, yes I'm still here. I'm the guy who you let in last month, innocently lent me your house key, and now I'm not leaving. Maybe ever. I'm sitting on your sofa, wearing my boxers (orange in the front, blue in the back), and I just poured my 3rd Pappy Van Winkle. You have exceptional taste my friend, and I am fortunate that you are only slightly above average at hiding your liquor cabinet key.

Back to the game. While there is certainly enough intrigue on the court between the good guys and the usurpers, there is the game within the game, and then there is the game within the game within the game. This game, as you have probably suspected by now, is BINGO. Other, lesser fanbases might come up with silly derivative drinking games during such event, but you and I know that you are not other fanbases. You are £'ers.

The game is BINGO, and this time it's not just for senior citizens, it is for eternal PtR bragging rights. At least until game 2. So grab yourself a stack of game markers, be they poker chips, your grandpa's priceless coin collection, a bag of old fingernails, or a sack of marbles, and let's play. No, not marbles, that's just silly.

We've got 24 quotes below that you are likely to hear in some fashion during tonight's game, and each one represents a square on the BINGO board. Since you will already be enraptured with the visual experience of the Spurs offense, we're aiming for the full audio-visual extravaganza. Listen in as Mike Breen, Jeff Van Gundy, and recently unemployed Mark Jackson drop these nuggets on your auditory abilities. Yes, listening to Simmons during halftime might want you to experience an aural enema, but at least we've got the lovely Doris Burke to try and get Gregg Popovich to give monosyllabic answers.

The statements below are our best estimates of what is to come, but WAIT, we want to hear from you as well! If you have a better and more likely statement that we will hear, simply supply it in the comments and with HTML wizardry, Michael Erler and Badpierre can give you a stamp of approval and adjust the game board accordingly.

£'ers, play on.

And please don't kick me out. The game is about to begin.


1.       "Hand down, man down" (by Mark Jackson)

2.       "Momma, there goes that man," (by Mark Jackson)

3.       BANG! (by Mike Breen)

4.       "Well-oiled machine"

5.       "The system"

6.       "The whole is greater than the sum of the parts"

7.       A World Cup promo followed by Jeff Van Gundy railing on flopping followed by a close-up of Manu

8.       "He's crafty," (sung by Jalen Rose when discussing Ginobili)

9.       A flashback/reference to Ray Allen's three in Game 6

10.   Anticipated discussion of Gregg Popovich sideline interview

11.   Post Pop sideline interview analysis

12.   Bill Simmons discussing LeBron James' legacy

13.   Jeff Van Gundy railing against the block/charge call

14.   Jeff Van Gundy railing against a flagrant foul/technical call

15.   Jeff Van Gundy railing against flopping (no World Cup tie-in)

16.   Referencing Danny Green breaking Allen's record for most threes in a finals

17.   Referencing Ginobili's 12 turnovers in Games 6 and 7

18.   Referencing Tony Parker's health

19.   "The Big Fundamental"

20.   "Tim Duncan vs. Father Time"

21.   Discussion about size of Kawhi Leonard's hands

22.   Referencing how much Heat miss Mike Miller

23.   "Old Man Riverwalk" (Jalen Rose on Duncan)

24.   Referencing Tim Duncan's "prediction"

Here is your Pounding the Rock BINGO board generator!