Kawhi Tells Spurs Fans He's Leaving in HEB Commercials

Spurs enthusiasts galore are giddy about the new line of HEB commercials that debuted last week. However, smiles should not be abounding amongst Silver and Black faithful. A recent conversation was transcribed between two Spurs' insiders and what they found doesn't bode well. While the world thinks everything in San Antonio is harmonious, it's really disintegrating.

SPURS INSIDER ONE: Man, did you see Kawhi's toga in the new HEB Commercial?

SPURS INSIDER TWO: (chuckles) His mom made it! Sure did, that was hilarious.

ONE: You don't get it do you? That toga is the first sign that the whole foundation is crumbling. We're in serious trouble.

TWO: What do you mean?

ONE: Who was the last Spur who tried to stand out and be different from the rest of the team?

TWO: I don't know? Maybe DeJaun Blair.

ONE: I'm talking Spurs who were good enough to be in an HEB commercial. Just think about it. Fine, I'll help you... it was DENNIS RODMAN.

TWO: Other than the fact Dennis Rodman is a person who plays the sport called basketball, I cannot think of many similarities between him and our sweet Kawhi Leonard.

ONE: Oh yeah? I seem to remember people thinking Dennis was pretty sweet in Detroit. He liked to watch cartoons, kept to himself, but then what happened? You slowly started to see things like this.

TWO: Things like this? Like wear a toga that doesn't match the rest of the team. It's part of the commercial!

ONE: Look, I have some serious info that told me Brian Elfus (Leonard's agent) made HEB include that in the script. Sure, that toga seems like it works with the commercial and what we know about Kawhi. Though it really says a whole lot more...

TWO: Okay why don't you enlighten me about the hidden message in Kawhi Leonard's toga.

ONE: It's fishy to me that mere weeks after the parties failed to get a contract extension done, a commercial would air where Kawhi is wearing something different than the other Spurs. It's almost like Kawhi is screaming at us, "I WILL BE WEARING ANOTHER JERSEY SOON!" He is ready to bolt and pave his own way! He doesn't want to be in a place where he's fourth fiddle in HEB commercials. No, he wants to star! Taking more shots this year, starting a twitter, questioning Patty's Australian sayings. It all means that he doesn't want to be a Spur.

TWO: Man, now that I think about it. There does seem to be some tension between the Big Three and The Hand. You can see it hidden there in the commercials. Last year Tony forgot he wasn't a rookie, then Manu scolded him for sitting on his aura, but that doesn't even compare to malice in the air between he and Tim.

ONE: Exactly! Tim specifically called Kawhi out for looking ridiculous in his toga. It's like, why don't you spell it out for us Timmy? What you are trying to say is "Kid, you would be stupid to wear any other jersey but the Spurs. You're a selfish traitor and another team's colors would be a scarlet letter."

TWO: (eyes start to water) I thought this next era was going to really be something, but we're going to have to watch Kawhi as a Laker. Oh the pain! Why didn't I see it coming?

ONE: I think what hurts the most is you have wise Tim giving young Kawhi a stern warning, but all Kawhi responds with is OPA. How do you spit in the face of one of the game's greats like that? He's just saying, "I can't wait to party on another team!"

TWO: Gosh...yeah, and in watching it again, look at how enthusiastically Manu, Tony and Patty chant TOGA. While Kawhi is kind of smirking and awkward. They are all practically begging for Tim to keep playing, while Kawhi is oozing that he wants Tim to retire.

ONE: This isn't our daddy's Spurs my friend.

TWO: I just hope they can recover from this clear lack of camaraderie. The only silver lining is that when Tony wasn't letting Manu and Tim come to his cookouts, all the rumors were swirling about him taking his talents to New York.

ONE: I know you are trying to make yourself feel better, but that commercial was after the Knicks rumors. I think we just have to accept the hard truth. We just lost our 23 year old Finals MVP.

TWO: It's probably for the best. He was getting consumed with this whole "Indubitably" persona anyway. It was like we were watching The Boz take control of Bosworth.

ONE: I guess we can always get Richard Jefferson back...


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