After the NBA Finals, many questions have been asked about what the Spurs could have done differently to win it all. What Spurs’ fans have failed to ask, though, is the most important question: "What song most appropriately fits each player on the roster?" Well lucky for you, I have the answers. Here is the 2012-13 role player/scrub edition (arranged by regular season minutes/game).
14. Aron Baynes – Highway to Hell (AC/DC):
When looking for a song to describe Baynes, I tried to find the manliest song ever. Not only are Aron Baynes and AC/DC both from down undah, but I can definitely imagine Baynes rocking out to this tune on the bench and in the locker room. This song also accurately depicts the mindset of other big men in the post when up against Baynes. Playing against Baynes in the post is a highway to hell. I mean, just look at this guy. He could beat the vegemite right out of you.
Most appropriate line: "I'm on the highway to hell, on the highway to hell."
13. Patty Mills – Crazy B**** (Buckcherry):
Patty Mills, the other Australian fan favorite, is well known for his intense defense. Someone even considers him the best post defender in the NBA. He plays with the same intensity on the offensive end of the floor, as well. Fadeaway jumpers will be taken at any time and anywhere with Mills on the floor, and crazily enough they often go in. He plays with giant balls from everywhere, even on the bench with his majestic towel waving.
Most appropriate line: The entire song, really.
12. Nando De Colo – La Bamba (Ritchie Valens):
La Bamba is the type of song that is entertaining to listen to the first time. Maybe even the second and third time. But after a while, this song changes from flat out brilliant like this to ridiculously pathetic like this. Over last season, De Colo transformed from being a poor man’s little Manu to a bench warming scrub.
Most appropriate line: "Para bailar la bamba. Se necesita una poca de gracia. Una poca de gracia para mi para ti." This translates to: "In order to dance the Bamba. A little humor is needed. A little humor for me and for you." In order to dance the De Colo, a little humor is needed (so you can ignore all of the careless turnovers, bad shooting form, and gambling on defense).
11. Matt Bonner – Wild Honey (U2):
Coach Popovich is often accused of overplaying Bonner, especially in the playoffs. Whether you think that’s true or not, Pop does seem to have some sort affinity towards Bonner… For some strange reason, I can picture Pop and Bonner frolicking in a field singing this song to each other?
Most appropriate line: "I’m still standing... I’m still standing where you left me. Are you still growing wild with everything tame around you?" Bonner is talking to the Spurs, wondering if he’ll play next season and if they are still going to surprise the rest of the NBA.
10. Cory Joseph – Welcome to Forever (Logic):
As of the NBA playoffs, Cory Joseph is the Spurs’ backup point guard. He has had his doubters along the way (including me), especially when the Spurs used their 2011 first round pick on him. Despite all of the skepticism last season, Joseph continued to work on his game, and even had himself sent down to the D-League for more experience. Joseph has had a marked improvement on both ends of the floor since the start of last season, and should begin to earn more minutes in the rotation.
Most appropriate line: "Remember meeting Nas for the first time. Shook his hand and he start quoting my lines. Said he was a fan, ... this is my time. I’mma get it, I’mma do it till we prime time. I told him every single day that I be at it, in the studio recording like an addict…" Much like Logic, Joseph is finally starting to get the recognition he deserves. There’s no question they both have put a lot of time into their work, and they still have a lot more to do, though they are starting to take off.
9. DeJuan Blair - Pretty Boy Swag (Soulja Boy):
It's only fitting that a narcissistic guy like Blair deserves his own song to describe himself. All of his songs, though, would even make a sailor a little squeamish, so I found the next best thing. Nothing screams, "I'm a cocky jerk," like Soulja Boy's "Pretty Boy Swag". Everything in this song so perfectly describes Blair's personality.
Most appropriate line: Everything fits so well for Blair, but the line that I could most imagine Blair saying in a meeting with Pop is the chorus. "This right here is my swag. All the girls are on me, swag. Everybody pay attention. This right here is my pretty boy swag."
8. Gary Neal – Can’t Tell Me Nothing (Kanye West):
This song may have too much of a bad-boy impression for Gary Neal. However, his questionable shot selection over the past three years with the Spurs was made for the title of this song. Neal is the definition of the "NONONO… YESYESYES" and the "NONONO…IDIOT" type shooter.
Most appropriate line: "Man it’s so hard not to ask reckless." and "I feel the pressure, under more scrutiny. And what I do, act more stupidly." If this album hadn’t come out three years prior to Neal entering the NBA, I could swear that Kanye wrote this song about him.
Finally, attaching this song to Neal is a bit of a stretch because Kanye's self-awareness just drips off this track, and Gary's never struck me as a very introspective guy, but the rest of the parallels are just too good to ignore.
to be continued...
More from Pounding The Rock:
- Pounding the Rock readers get special pricing on opening night tickets for Grizzlies vs Spurs
- Tim Duncan and Tony Parker ranked in the top ten, Kawhi top forty
- Tank You Very Much: How The Browns Are Modeling Themselves After The Spurs
- Spurs in international action: Italy vs. Ukraine and France vs. Spain
- Six Spurs players ranked in the top 100 in the league sounds about right