Gregg Popovich is the bane of Barkley, the scourge of Sager and the affliction of Aldridge. He chews up the best sideline interviewers the national media can send at him without breaking a sweat. It's not an easy task to come up with a list of questions that the Spurs coach would deem appropriate to deign to fully answer.
But the worst questions -- the ones that should never, under any circumstances, be offered up to San Antonio's mastermind?
Piece of cake.
The top ten questions that Gregg Popovich should never be asked
10. Do you ever imagine yourself as some sort of cowboy renegade from the Wild West, or maybe even Davey Crockett, protecting San Antonio and all the women and children with your cannons and coon skin cap?
9. Can I paint a painting of you sitting atop a majestic white stallion, looking forlorn?
8. If you had your choice between taking a paddle boat ride with Tim or riding a bicycle made for two through Alamo Heights with Tony, which would you choose?
7. What colors best describe Patty Mills' aura. I say it's orange and turquoise, right? You see flashes of orange and turquoise out there on the court doin' Patty things when you dream about Patty at night, don't you?
6. Do you want to see my jumper?
5. Real quick, can you explain why Here I Go Again by WhiteSnake isn't played more during games, considering the fact that it's the baddest song ever and it would make the Spurs play better?
4. GP, why are you always yelling at Danny Green?
3. Even though you've won four titles and are a huge part of one of the most respected sports franchises in history, how badly does it hurt your feelings when someone misspells your name?
2. Please take a minute and compare the current Spurs roster to characters from Mad Men. Hold on, hold on, I'll go first. Manu is totally Pete Campbell, right? Right?
1. The Spurs have started the season red hot at 8-1, so can you take a few minutes and talk about Game Six?
While this list was designed to be comprehensive, it's possible I left out some very critical Pop Nots, so please include questions you would never ask the man in the comments, on Facebook, or on Twitter. If we come up with a exhaustive list we might be able to help poor guys like J.A. Adande the next time they are staring down the frontiersman cowboy that is the extraneous G.
He melts men in their shoes while protecting the women and children of San Antonio. Many more will be melted without your help.
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