San Antonio Spurs vs Boston CelticsThe AT&T Center
Dec.15th, 7:30 PM Spurs Time
TV: CSNE,KENS,NBATV - RADIO: 1200 AM WOAI
That back to back was not fun. Close games are one thing, but that one against Portland was hard to watch. Now don't go all emo by locking yourself in a dark room to start writing songs that are meant to be super depressing, but end up sounding like bubble-gum flavored crap. There are loads of games in the season, and some of them are against Eastern conference teams.
There are plenty of chances for the Spurs to begin streaking again. Who is on deck? The Boston Celtics- yawn- time to book a one way ticket to snoozeville. My bad for passing out during the game preview. But come on, something about the Boston Celtics is boring. I can’t place my finger on it. It is not the way they play the game. Their style of basketball can be annoying but it certainly is not boring. In fact more pass happy teams would be a good thing for the association. No their basketball style it is not. It is not their history. They have the most championships among franchises in the NBA for Pete’s sake. (Side note: I never got that expression. Who is Pete? Why is he so obsessed with Japanese liquor?) It is not their recent history either. (They were one game away from the Finals last year). What is it? Ah it must be the name. That’s it.
These days scrapping a team’s name is all the rage. Ask the Charlotte
Bobcats Hornets, or the New Orleans Hornets Pelicans. So why not continue the trend? Tradition is overrated. What matters now is being fresh. This is why George Lucas releases a different version of the same movie every ten days. (There is no other reason) So why not change every team’s name? The Portland Trailblazers could be the Portland Sea Lions, the Utah Jazz could be the Utah Peakers, the Indianapolis Pacers could be the Indianapolis Corns, the Memphis Grizzlies could be the Memphis Blues, the San Antonio Spurs could be the- wait stop no one is effing with that name, that name is awesome. Anyways the Boston Celtics with their centuries old uniforms and name are the epitome of the old school way of thinking. Even now Danny Ainge is sitting in some plush office overlooking the U.S.S constitution slurping on some clam chowda and set on the ideal that just because something is really old means it should stay that way. So even though their name is cool and totally makes sense due to the geopolitical history of the city, that name needs to go!
Here are some suggested names for the Boston
The Boston Technetium
This team is the opposite of stable. And so is technetium, a chemical element so unstable that it is almost never found in nature. In fact if technetium was commonly found in nature, nature would be friggen cray-cray. Boston is like that. One night they’re all like "we just lost to Philadelphia by one point", and then the next night they beat the same team by a 1,000 points. What is going on Boston? Even Carl Jung would walk away from a consultation with that team and be like " these guys are twisted man."
The Boston Nutpunchers
This is self explanatory. Do I really have to talk about this?
The Boston Baked Beans
There arent enough sports teams named after food. I can’t think of any in the U.S. In fact the only one that comes to mind is an English premier league team. The Everton F.C.’s nickname is the Toffees. But being England that probably does not mean what I think it means.
The Boston Assistants
Holy crab cakes Batman! Rondo is dishing a lot of assists this year. He is averaging around 12.8 assists per game. ( By the way: what does .8th of an assist look like? Is that like when you are too lazy to hold the door for someone who is right behind you so you push the door really hard so that the other person has time to like sneak through the gap you created?) Rondo is averaging more assists than anyone in the league. Chris Paul is at the number two with 9.3, so it is not even close. (The problem is that he sometimes passes up on the easy layup to pad his assist count, but whatevers. Wait your'e saying that there aren't that many reliable scorers on this team? OK that is a problem.)
The Boston Wicked
Get it? Bostonians say wicked a lot. I mean a lot.
The Boston Docs
The most terrifying member of the Boston Celtics is roaming the sidelines. Doc Rivers is in that elite group of coaches who could coach a whole game trying to win an argument against a brick of jello, and still be respected. Pop is in that group as well. Heck sources say that is his pregame ritual. (My source is a bottle of everclear) So why not change the team’s name to that of the coach? And when he is gone, they could always add a k on that bad boy. Their mascot could even be a giant plank of wood. Stop being so selfish Boston, don’t deprive us of this.
The Boston Yankees
Can you imagine if a Boston sports team changed their name to the friggen Yankees? Joe DiMaggio would again walk among the living and start throwing Molotov cocktails inside any Footlocker that sells the new Boston jersey. Babe Ruth would also rise up from the grave and start hurling random alcohol induced obscenities at the Boston players but then he would get so drunk that he would start cussing out New York Players as well, and then he would just start crying. In between sobs he would say" I love both cities, stop making me choose sides." Quick question: can zombies get drunk? With their stumbling and incoherent speech they are halfway there. Maybe the "Walking Dead" is just a giant misunderstanding. They are not zombies Rick, they are alcoholics. Quit bashing them in the head with random objects!
The Boston We Miss You Ray Allen.
Changing their name to this might be the only way to get back Jesus Shuttlesworth. He is gone and is otherwise not coming back. And whoa do they miss him. He brought a reliable clutch presence that is lacking in this new iteration of the Boston Celtics. Who is their definite closer now? Does Rondo have the minerals to consistently take the clutch shots? Doc is a good coach and they played an awesome game against Dallas. (Where Rondo and Pierce hit some very clutch shots) So they will figure things out, but for now Mr. Allen's steady hand is missed.
As was mentioned earlier the
Celtics Technetium are an unpredictable team. They could be a real challenge tonight, or just stand back and applaud each time Tony drives to the hoop. The starters are more or less evened out. Watching Rando and TP go at it will be fun as always. Of course the Timmeh and Garnett duel will be intriguing as well. Brandon Bass and Paul Pierce will get theirs. And then there is he who must not be named, yeah he might put up like 10 points or so. All that doesn't matter. This game is going to be decided by the bench. Watch out for the Spur's reserve bigs tonight. In the game in Boston, Splits scored 23 points and Blair chipped in an efficient 10 points. The Technetium don't seem to be able to handle the Spur's version of "total basketball". If Splits goes off again then this is going to ugly land quick. Who can guard Splits off the bench? Jared Sullinger? Chris Wilcox? This is like sending a barracuda to have a conversation with a couple of goldfish. Things are just not going to turn out well for the goldfish. If Manu and/or someone like Mills starts making it rain, then good night Boston. I’m going to leave this piece with a quote from the Beastie Boys "It is not how you play the game, it is how you win it."
The Technetium's perspective can be found here: CelticsBlog
Game Prediction: Spurs by 5. Vegas says Spurs by 8.5
Game Previewers Prediction Records & points off per prediction
Wes Thorne 6-1* (-1, 0, 23, 2, -8*,1, 28) *@MIA
Joe deLarios 6-1 (-1, 3, 5, 0, 1, 6,-11)
Racm 1-3 (-25, -14, -5, 15)
Stijl 1-1 (-12, 11)
Fred 1-1 (3,-8)
CapHill 1-0 (13)
As always Tony must dominate Fisher, and NBA league pass is recommended for those who are willing to pony up the cash. Almost every Spurs game will be broadcast there, which is especially helpful for those of us who aren't in the San Antonio area. Please don't post links to illegal game feeds in the game thread. Links to illegal feeds are not permitted on SBNation, but you can probably find them out there on the internets if you're resourceful and desperate.