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Game Preview: San Antonio Spurs @ Miami Heat

Here's a tongue-in-cheek preview of the conclusion of the Spurs' Eastern Conference road trip at Miami.

Marc Serota

San Antonio Spurs @ Miami Heat

American Airlines Arena
Nov. 29th , 9:00 PM

The San Antonio Spurs look to continue their winning ways on their East Coast road trip. Surprisingly, the Spurs have held on to victory five out of five times on this Eastern Conference romp. The question now is, will they continue their winning ways against the NBA's defending champions lottery winners who are somehow on a four game win streak of their own? Never mind that their last game was decided by two points against the Cavaliers, or the game before that went in to overtime to defeat the Christmas Deer (Bucks). Against the Western Conference elite, the Heat have gone 0-2 (one game at Clippers and one game at Grizzlies). Against the rest in the West, Miami is undefeated but have had some really close calls against the Nuggets and the Rockets. Will this make a difference to the travel weary Spurs? This is destined to be a exciting boring game against an Eastern Conference elite bottom-feeding team.

This has been a tumultuous Eastern Conference road trip. However, the Spurs finally get a reprieve with a total cake walk. Playing the Miami Heat is basically an excuse to get a sun tan while playing a glorified practice. I know what you are thinking. Huh? Miami has a basketball team? Isn’t that the place where New Yorkers go during the winter time, because it is super cold in the northeast? Yeah, well that and it is the home of Trick Daddy, who is also the mayor. Or is the mayor now Rick Ross? I am so confused by Miamian politics. Anyhow, the city of Miami also has a basketball team. They are most famous for their sarcastic (let’s hope) video where a few bench players promised that they were going to win not one but like multiple championships. This kind of delusional thinking is sad really. That being said, this borderline D-League team does have some talented players that would be famous if they weren't playing for such an incompetent, unfocused, lottery bound team like the Miami Heat. Here are the three most talented players for the Miami Heat:

Terrel Harris- Shooting Guard

He is a scary good guard, who does what he can with this bunch. Unfortunately, until real talent is brought in naturally (i.e: the draft) or synthetically (i.e.: trades, free agent signings, introducing human DNA into the splicing of animal genes, etc…) Terrell is going to keep putting up big numbers while the media talks about other teams. Philosophy question: if a player drops 30 points a game while playing on the Miami Heat, does it actually happen?

Dexter Pittman- Center

The Heat were already destined to the lottery this year, but an Oct. 31st leg sprain to Dexter Pittman sealed this fate. When he is healthy, he is a superb post player for the Heat. He can dunk , rebound and he can even shoot three pointers. Some people say he looks like a dinosaur, but I don’t get the resemblance. He is best when playing the center position, but can also do some damage at the 4 spot.

Rashard Lewis- Small Forward

When Rashard chose Miami over other teams during his free agency, he was hailed as a franchise savior. Unfortunately, there is only so much one can do for this sinking ship. His decision to play in Miami was obviously a bad one, and Rashard Lewis knows it. Rashard has been missing a lot of games lately because he is "sick". That is another way of saying, "I am not going to play for this team unless I really want to. I am just waiting until free agency so that I can sign with a championship contender."

There is not a single other person who contributes greatly to this team. So we are going to stop there.

Final Analysis: Every team in the NBA wishes their schedule consisted only of games against the Miami Heat this year. But if that were the case, then every team (except the Miami Heat of course) would be undefeated. Where is the fun in that? This team could be a challenge tonight for an embarrassing reason. Perhaps our heroes will have their guard down, which is completely understandable. Why not get plastered on Wednesday night in one of the wonderful South Beach clubs, and play this "game" hung over? So this has the potential to be a close one simply because the Spurs will be too busy throwing up and popping Advil in the first three quarters. But look for the Silver and Black to get their act together in the fourth and handle business.


PG: Tony Parker
SG: Danny Green
SF: Kawhi Leonard
PF: Tim Duncan
C: Boris Diaw

Key Bench Players
Manu Ginobili
Tiago Splitter
Stephen Jackson

Head Coach
Gregg Popovich


PG: Norris Cole
SG: Terrel Harris
SF: Mike Miller
PF: James Jones
C: Josh Harrellson

Key Bench Players
LeBron John
Dwayne Suede
Chris Tosh

Head Coach

Eric Spoelstra

* I may have misspelled the names of some of the bench players. But it is not like that matters. They are human victory cigars on a team that seldom has any victories.

The Miami Heat's perspective can be found here: Hot Hot Hoops (Prepare for a lot of talk about tanking.)

Game Prediction: Spurs by 3. Vegas says Miami by 6.5. Vegas is insane.

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Game Previewers Prediction Records & how many points off per prediction

Joe deLarios 5-0 (-1, 3, 5, 0, 1)

Wes Thorne 4-0 (-1, 0, 23, 2)

Racm 1-3 (-25, -14, -5, 15)

Stijl 1-1 (-12, 11)

CapHill 1-0 (13)

As always Tony must dominate Fisher, and NBA league pass is recommended for those who are willing to pony up the cash. Almost every Spurs game will be broadcast there (but probably not this one, no one watches Heat games these days), which is especially helpful for those of us who aren't in the San Antonio area. Please don't post links to illegal game feeds in the game thread. Links to illegal feeds are not permitted on SBNation, but you can probably find them out there on the internets if you're resourceful and desperate. But really, is having your computer bombarded with pop-ups and getting hit with possible trojan horses really worth it for a game against such an underwhelming team?