Click Here to Get Huge

BSAT-time, folks. For purposes of this test, all players 6'10" and taller will be referred to as 'seven footers', because people do that for some reason and because it makes this sound even cooler:

1) What is:

Ian Mahinmi

Theo Ratliff

Marcus Haislip

Malik Hairston

George Hill

(A) A list of five guys who we either didn't own or barely used last year.

(B) A list of five guys who have at least a semi-fighting chance of cracking the regular rotation on an elite NBA team.

(C) A list of five guys who, if they were used as a second unit, would not only be fairly middle-of-the-pack among actual NBA second units - they would be the BIGGEST second unit in the NBA.

Seriously. I mean, I know we love small-ball, but it's not unrealistic to think that we could have these exact five players on the court during garbage time this season. Think about what that would look like:

C - Athletic seven-footer

PF - Wily seven-footer with mad shot-blocking skillz and Youngevity(tm)

SF - Athletic seven-footer who, if his YouTube mixes don't lie (and they never do), could block the shuttle launch ... with his fist.

SG - Will have twelve inches on his generic matchup ... of biceps girth. Hairston's stupid-strong, and if not over-tall he's certainly not short for the position.

G - C'mon, it's Qbitz. Albatross. Long, strong, down to get the friction on.

These guys will bestride other teams' scrubs like a Colossus.

(D) All of the above.


In fact, now that I think about it, your 09-10 Spurs are a considerably bad-assier lot than any other recent incarnation. Sure, we lost Ime 'Might Have Killed A Man In Africa' Udoka, but think about what we added. Besides Mean-Punch Marcus, we've brought on:

- A guy who the most powerful human being on Earth described in hushed tones as 'a man' (as in, "Now that's a man")

- A guy who played a game after throwing up all night following surgery to repair a broken nose the previous day (and that's nowhere near the top of the 'Wow, Dice is tough' list)

- A guy who can occasionally dominate the paint despite being simultaneously French and made of glass

- A guy who left his bride sort-of at the altar so that he could devote every last ounce of energy to kicking ass and taking names in a Spurs jersey

The Spurs will be walking away with the Larry O'Brien trophy this year. Seriously, even if they don't win the championship, they're just gonna take the trophy and leave. Nobody will try to stop them.

This is fan-created content on The opinion here is not necessarily shared by the editorial staff at Pounding the Rock.