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Your 08-09 Spurs: Love the Scrubs

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I thoroughly enjoyed watching this game. I never knew watching a cast of misfits trying to play basketball could be so therapeutic and relaxing.

I love our scrubs. Love them. I have to give them each their proper due, in order of descending scrubitude and ascending love.

George Hill
Chances of leaving scrubdom: 35%
Tattoos: Oh hellz yes.

George just might have a worse jump shot that Jacque Vaughn. It's got a hell of an arc, though. Maybe he thinks the ball will be up there long enough for Pop to forget who shot it. He's got crazy long arms and would already be a better defender than Jacque Vaughn if he dove on the floor more. Diving on the floor is like the ace of spades in the card game spades. It trumps all other defensive attributes. Blocked shots? Pfft. Get on the ground!

Desmon Farmer
Chances of leaving scrubdom: 5%
Tattoos: Yes ma'am!

You know something I love about Desmon? He ended up with the ball at the first quarter buzzer, and instead of handing the ball to the ref he dribbled the ball behind his back and did a spin move. Against nobody. Just goofing off. Plus he wears a headband. Two anti-Spur qualities. I'd give this man a long term contract just for those two attributes.

I think him and George might have a contest to see who can shoot the ball highest. I'm pretty sure one of his fourth quarter jumpers got caught in the walkways of Tropicana Field. He seemed confused when it was ruled a ground rule double. There's no shame in that, Desmon. Confused the hell out of me, too.

I would give Farmer a better chance to make it if he hadn't have lost his right hand in a tragic childhood weed wacker accident. The man simply cannot dribble with his right hand. It's comical.

Anthony Tolliver
Chances of leaving scrubdom: -372%
Tattoos: Soon, promise.

I love Anthony Tolliver. I'm thinking about getting a uterus transplant just so I can have his baby.

On his first touch of the ball he faked a three and made a Ginobili-esque pass to Duncan down low for the and 1. It made me laugh, because I'm pretty sure he was just afraid to shoot the ball. And with good reason, for his first attempt from the same exact spot missed the rim and clanged violently off the background. Violently. I think Tim nearly chipped a nail on that shit. He was not happy.

Anthony's one of those guys who can play a whole game without giving the viewer any idea of how tall he is. He could be anywhere between 6'-2" and 6'-10". I don't have the foggiest. He just sort of blends in. Like a chameleon. A chameleon who barely made his high school basketball team.

That's the list. I know you're thinking I'm leaving some guys out. Not so, my friends. Jacque Vaughn, Michael Finley, Bruce Bowen and Kurt Thomas are not scrubs. They're washed up. There's a difference. Oh, and Bonner and Oberto just plain suck. Scrubness requires a certain charm that those two fellas lack.

As for the Spurs outlook? Well, Parker's out two weeks. Here's the schedule during that time:

NY
@ MIL
HOU
@SAC
@LAC
DEN
UTA
@MEM

That's about as easy a schedule you could hope for in the Western Conference. HOU, DEN and UTA are definite losses. The best the Spurs should hope for is 4 wins in that group. That leaves them at 5-8 when TP comes back.

By the way, right now the Spurs have the second worst record in the league.

Lastly, a quick note to Michael Beasley. Get a hair cut. That do needs a lot of help, but stay away from Marion's barber. Something ain't right about that man.