clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

We Totally Earned That Win

(Calm down, it's sarcasm.)

I hated how this game ended. How am I supposed to enjoy the win given the circumstances? It reminds me of the time I slept with my mother-in-law. Yeah, the sex was fee nominal, but then your wife sleeps with your dad to get back at you, and then your father keeps reminding you at holiday dinners and what started as an innocent little head butt leads to a French-Canadian slap fight to end all slap fights.

God, those nachos look tasty. (AP Photo / Matt York)

Why can't the NBA have a little foresight with these situations? You know, if a player gets cut in the last five minutes of a playoff game the team can take a full time out that is extended to five minutes to allow for stitching. Who would be against this rule? The Spurs, as voiced by Robert Horry, certainly aren't happy with how things played out:

You feel bad for the guy because you want to have the best team out there at the end of the game, and he wasn't out there.

See, we feel bad. We're sorry. And that 3rd foul on Stoudemire? That was bad, too. That's a no call even in the preseason, not to mention the playoffs. And it forced you to open the second half with Marion on Duncan, and we all know how that turned out.

Sex-ay! (AP Photo / Matt York)

And that foul on Barbosa in the last minute? The whole one free throw plus the ball thing? That sucked, but them's the rules. Dumb rules, sure, but rules nonetheless. It certainly looked like a foul at full speed, so you can't really blame the refs. Again I look towards the NBA powers that be for some foresight. It's one thing if Boris Diaw is humping Duncan's leg 40' from the inboundser, but Parker, a 7X% free throw shooter as he's running to the ball? That's a simple two shot foul. Really, it's not that difficult to figure out. I've laid it all out for you, and I'm not even a full-fledged genius.

My favoritest part of the game came when Mark Jackson was going on and on about how flexible Marion was on defense. On one possession he was guarding Duncan, the next Parker. Mark Jackson, who's from New York by the way, was like, way impressed. The whole thing cracked me up; apparently Mark Jackson missed the fact that both Parker and Duncan got whatever they wanted the whole time Marion was guarding them. But hey, Marion was assigned to each of them at different times so hey! That's amazing! I'm going to assign this here garden hose the duty of doing my taxes! Behold! It's the wonderous IRS-handling water hose! Never been audited! Never kinks! Steady water flows or it will double your refund!