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Somebody Tranquilize Mark Jackson...

Because Deron Williams is about to play game 4 with a case of the runny poopies. I can hear Mark Jackson now:

This young man is a warrior in this league. This point guard is the type of man a coach like Jerry Sloan would want leading his troops into battle in the playoffs in this league. I currently have an erection under this table in this arena where the Utah Jazz play in this league.

He's not missing the game, ok? ZERO CHANCE. I don't doubt he's had a case of the coming-out-both-ends, but this is more motivational ploy / seduction of the media than reality. Plus they're trying to grab a little "Michael Jordan flu game" joo joo. Fortunately the Spurs have some powerful joo joo of their own.

"I told you." (Glenn James / NBAE / Getty Images)