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Bruce Bowen Says "No Slinging in Schools!"

I am the only Spurs fan worn the fuck out? Thank God that's over. I'm not sure my heart would have made it through a game seven.

What an engaging game from start to finish. The ridiculously tight first half, with the margin never eclipsing four points. Then the immense Spurs run spanning the end of the third and beginning of the fourth quarters. Capped off with one last furious comeback by Nash and company. 48 minutes of compelling end to end action.

Let's break this down player by player.

Amare Stoudemire

He's more beast than man. His energy level was absolutely off the charts, and his 38 points on 50% shooting is doubly impressive when you consider he was facing (if not directly) Tim Duncan all night. He missed 14 shots, and probably half of those were blocked by The Cornerstone. After the game I asked myself how many points he would have scored against an average defense. Then I totally blew my mind when I wondered how many points Stoudemire would have scored against himself. It's no secret Amare ain't fond of defense, and were it biologically possible I would bet the two Amares would have gone for 150 points between them tonight.

Photographic evidence proving Elson did something worthwhile tonight. (AP Photo / Matt Slocum)

Leandro Barbosa

Look, I understand why Manu didn't win the 6th Man Award, but still, Leandro should be forced to sell the trophy for charity or something. The man shot 27-76 for the series, including 2-17 from behind the arc.

Kurt Thomas

God, you sucked tonight.

Steve Nash

This poor man is going to have nightmare's of Bruce Bowen for weeks. The refs definitely let Bruce (and everybody) play some stingy defense tonight. At one point I expected Bowen to slap Nash square in the face, just to see if he could get away with it. Did his best to turn it on in the fourth but it was too late. As per usual, contributed absolutely nothing on the defensive end. Which leads right to:

Tim Duncan

Tonight's game is a perfect example of why all this talk about Steve Nash "controlling a game" is a giant fucking joke. Nash may be the best offensive player on the planet, and he's certainly white, but he doesn't do jack diddily shit on defense. His defensive contributions this series included losing Bruce Bowen repeatedly and taking the occasional charge. That's it.

While Tim Duncan, who's know offensive slouch himself, defends the pick and roll against Nash, occasionally guards Marion away from the basket, grabs 13 rebounds, blocks 9 shots and anchors one of the top two defenses in the NBA every fucking year.

No. Nyet. Nein. Nuh uh. (AP Photo / Matt Slocum)

The fact Duncan and Nash have the same number of regular season MVP's is a goddam crime against humanity. Yes, Steve Nash is incredibly valuable to the Suns. And that's largely due to the fact the Suns are built around Steve Nash (Dallas doesn't seem to miss him much). Their style and their personnel were chosen based on how well they mesh with Nash. All this bullshit about him "making players better..." he plays with guys who are best suited for an uptempo style! How good would Barbosa be in a half court game? Well, if you watched the half court portions of the last six games you would know he blows. It's not all Nash's magic. (Last time I checked Dirk is still a pretty good player.)

You don't have to try and match players with Duncan. Every NBA player meshes well with Duncan. He's the best help defender in the game, a great rebounder and shot blocker and a willing passer who commands a double team. He can be the best player in a grind it out, defensive struggle and he can be the best player in a 116-110 shootout where both teams shoot almost 50%. You can't say that about Nash. But he is white. You have to give that to him.

Manu Ginobili

What a day for our friend stampeezie. He graduates from college, his favorite team advances and his favorite player plays like the Manu of old. I'll let him handle the Manu adulation.

See, look stampler, Tony's rooting for Manu! (Getty Images / Ronald Martinez)

Tony Parker

The Wee Frenchmen was absolutely brilliant in the first half and ended up with 30 points, 6 assists and only 1 turnover. Plus he hugged David Robinson after the game. How could anyone criticize him after all that? I know what you're thinking stampler. Let it go, friend. Let it go.

Bruce Bowen

So, was I the only person who noticed Bowen up to his old dirty tricks again in the first quarter? Stoudemire was going up for a layup and Bowen clearly sticks his foot way out and nearly turns Amare's ankle. Unbelievable. The man has no shame.

At this point he's like this old man living in a neighborhood full of young kids. He's always shouting at them to get off his yard (which he never mows), he leaves his trash buckets out for days and has a camper parked on the sidewalk. The whole neighborhood dislikes him and thinks he's a bastard. And now the old man Bruce no longer gives a shit, so he's starting to fetch the morning paper in the nude and blares porn movies with the windows open every afternoon.

Jacque Vaughn

Hit a couple shots, yeah, but also managed to fuck up Duncan's triple double (and post-season record tying 10th block) by drawing a blocking foul against Marion.


It was such a pleasure to see The Big Three play so well in such an important game. And nice of the San Antonio crowd to show up and cheer their balls (and ovaries) off.

Ocho mas mis amigos. Ocho mas.