clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

I Can't Believe My Dad Told Everyone He's a 'Power-Bottom' in that Personal Ad

New, comments

Game 63 Vs. New Jersey: Spurs 93, Nets 77

So something weird happened to me the other night. I was home kinda chillin', kinda writin' and my chief editor Ben calls me up, says he needs to see me urgently. Says it's important. It sounded rather ominous. We decided to meet at Chili's.

Fast forward 40 minutes.

He's not alone. His second-in-command, Jon is with him. Right away I decide this is good news because Jon loves me. He's already talked Ben out of firing me numerous times back when I wrote some retarded shit at the newspaper.

We get a table. Ben won't sit down. He's too excited. This must be really good news. "We've decided to get rid of the Opinion section," he says.

Oh.

Jon quickly interjects. "Oh, don't worry. You're still staying. We like you a lot."

"Actually," says Ben, taking control once more, "You're being promoted. You're on the editorial staff now as a Senior Columnist and we'll pay you $50 a week to write."

So what changes for me I ask in my usual self-involved manner.

"Nothing," smiles Jon with a devilish look in his eye. "You're going to do what you've been doing, but now you'll get paid for it."

So that was neat. I feel more pressure now, but it's neat. Helped the Southwestern eggrolls go down smoother. Still, I couldn't help but feel bad for my ex-mates at the Op-Ed. Sure, most of them couldn't write worth a crap, but they seemed like nice enough people in our meetings. Needless to say I got excused from the usual Monday meeting so I wouldn't have to be there while everyone was getting shitcanned. Woulda been awkward.

Unfortunately when one of my other editors, Amanda (I answer to like eight people) sent a group e-mail to everyone in our section, to remind them that it was superduper important they show up, I was still on her mailing list.

She ended the e-mail this way, which I thought was, well... you tell me.

"Everybody don't forget to show up for the mandatory meeting at 12:00 Monday, it's very important! See you then!!"

Now maybe it was my subconscious guilt or perhaps my masochistic nature to immediately put the kibosh on any good fortune that comes my way, but this e-mail totally struck me the wrong way. I mean, two exclamation points after `see you there?' Really? Isn't that a little inappropriate? It makes it sound like she's awfully excited about firing these people and those poor bastards have no idea what they're walking into.

So of course, biting the hand that just fed me, I fired off an e-mail about it immediately and alienated myself right away. She probably hates me now.

"Also, I don't want to give you advice on how to do your job or anything, but perhaps an exclamation point after `see you then' is a bit inappropriate here, don't you think? You probably don't want to sound that excited about firing a bunch of people. I've been fired a few times and I never thought of it as good news.

It'd be like getting an e-mail from your girlfriend where the subject line reads: Hey Guess What Happened!

And then you open the link and it says, `I decided last night after hooking up with your best friend that we need to start seeing other people.'

Anyway, don't worry, the secret's safe with me, I'm not saying anything to anyone. The whole thing is awkward enough for me as it is. Still I feel bad for those guys and girls and I would prefer that nobody go into the meeting thinking they're just going to get free cookies or something.

Anyway, that's a little slice o' the newspaper biz that I thought I'd share.

Now on to more important matters...

The Streak has reached an even dozen folks! It was nice to play in front of the home crowd again, but unfortunately the game fell on a Saturday night. And for some God forsaken reason Saturday night home games mean one thing...



Stipe has said in numerous interviews that he hates both this song and the video. I bet he just wishes he still had hair.

For most of the first half I felt neither shiny nor happy, and not just because our guys were wearing kits that looked like they'd catch fire if a mischievous 9 year old boy aimed a magnifying glass at them. No, the real problem was we were playing like total ass, at least on offense. Neither team could hit a fucking shot. Pop tried to spark offense at both ends by going to tinyball liberally in the 2nd period, but it was no use and it was 33-32 Nets with 1:46 to go in the half. For a stretch there he even used this bizarre 2 PG, 2 SF, 1 C look with first Finley and Barry as the forwards and later Bowen and Barry. I've made my feelings on both small ball line-ups and the Parker-Beno (or Parker-Vaughn or Beno-Vaughn) backcourt many times, but I'm guessing Pop wanted to match-up with the Nets playing JKidd and Marcus Williams in tandem. I am deathly afraid of what he's gonna do in May when the Suns trot out Nash and Barbosa on the court.

Where was I? Oh yeah, 33-32 Nets, under two minutes to go, total snoozeville. Well out of no where the boys put on a 10-0 blitz with a fancy spinning lay-up by Parker, (left Mr. Husband of the Year in the dust) a Gonzo three, a drive and kick Tony special to Bones for another three, and a pair of Tony free throws. 42-33 just like that and well on our way to another dub. Nets never got closer than six the rest of the way.

Dees ees for my boy Frédéric Weis beach (Photo: Eric Gay, AP)

Game got a little interesting between the 3rd and the 4th when a handful of Nets lost their cool. For once it had nothing to do with Vinsanity and Bruce (even though Bowen was in his hip pocket the whole night, I think Carter's taking it easy with the contact in his contract year). First dumbshit Kidd complained about something. Trust me he's stupider than a brick. He's from my neck of the woods and I know for a fact that it took him seven tries to crack 700 on his SATs so that Cal frickin' Berkeley - a university that annually rejects hundreds of kids with 1400+ on their boards - would accept him.

Anyway then Coach Opie got a T. Then Kidd again and he got ze boot. I'm sure Le Troi Noir had a smug little smirk on his face thinking how he could make a French rap lyric out of "you wanted to get rid of me for this guy, Pop?"

Mikki Moore felt the need to punctuate a couple of his nice plays with some trash talk in our coach's direction, asking how much he paid the refs. As if our cheapo organization would ever resort to that. Who does he think Pop is, Mark Cuban? We don't even pay for players let alone bribes. Moore's tactlessness earned him a Mutomboesque finger-wagging from Pop, as well as a sly wink, just to give Moore somethin' to think about, and that was technical # 4 for the Nets. Opie got himself tossed shortly after to end the madness.

On a bright side I think this is the only way we'll ever see Fin get 5 FT attempts in one game and to his credit, he hit them all. [Actually he's gone 6-6 thrice, two of the three oddly enough against the Warriors.]

(from Ludden's column) "Said Ginobili: `I thought Fin was going to go for 40.'"

"I thought it was crazy," Parker said. "One (technical), OK. But two ... three ... four? I was like, Wow."

You see? "I was like, Wow." He's not the best lyricist in all of French rap for nothing folks.

Speaking of Manu, he didn't have his best game by any means. Only 12 points on 12 shots, but he did manage to pull off his second nice dunk in three games and it appears as if his once famous aerial skills are slowly being brought back to the repertoire in time for the real games. Or maybe he noticed all the cramjobs that Bostjan Nachbar's been laying on people lately and he wanted to reclaim his title as the best foreign dunker. I don't have a video of it, but they say a picture is worth a thousand words...

Chupame la pija, Wesley Snipes!

P.S. Coming Wednedsay, an exhaustive NCAA tournament preview from a guy who's proudly watched zero college basketball games this season.

P.P.S. The Warriors whooped the Mavs' monkey asses tonight and they did it with smallball. Nellieball actually. Should I be worried? Yes? Yes, I'm worried now. For whatever reason the W's just fucking own these guys. Do you think we should tank our next two games against Golden State in a desperate bid to have them get the 8th spot? Would that be wrong? Nah, those things never work out karmic-wise. Speaking of which, anyone surprised the refs let the Warriors play physical as shit on Dirk and co. one night after Cuban did an ESPN interview where he still bitched about the Finals? Doesn't this guy get it yet? If you want to win, JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP.

I think if we ever get to play Dallas in the WCFs, we should have Ludden and Harvey goad Cubes into saying something incredibly stupid. It shouldn't be too hard. I'm thinking something along the lines of, "So Mark, what do you think of David Stern's mother?"

On that note... Your 3 stars...

3. Bruce Bowen - I dunno. Did a solid job on Ray Allen East.

2. Tim Duncan - 17-13-4-4. Sorta hurt one of his abs dunking. Went a horrid 1 for 8 from the stripe, so you know he's in playoff form.

1. Tony Parker - 19 points and six helpers for his first solid outing since returning from injury. I reckon he's pretty close to 100% by now.

Record: 45-18 Streak: W-12
Up Next: Vs. Los Angeles Clippers
I think the Clips have some serious competition for ugliest team in the NBA with Jersey, `specially now that Kaman got that haircut. I mean great googly moogly did you see those guys? Kidd. Moore. Josh Boone. Collins with the awful cornrows... (dude you went to Stanford!) Oy vey. It's not a good sign when your handsomest dude has a surname that makes him sound like he's a Conehead.