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I Wrote This as Badly as the Wizards Played

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Game 49 @ Washington: Spurs 110, Wizards 83

Greetings my peeps! Once again I come to you from the Bay Area. I know, I know, it was only three weeks ago when I left and already I've driven back, just to see a Sarah Silverman concert on Saturday and possibly get laid. No, not with her. Then again, I do know a great Hitler joke I could impress her with... stay tuned.

Better keep an eye on your gal there, Jimbo.

Anyway, we beat the Wizards the other day. Didn't we just squash these goofy bastards like a couple of weeks ago? I don't care what their record is or that they would be the second seed in the Leastern Conference if the season were to end today. How can anyone take them seriously when they're called the freakin' Wizards?

Oddly enough last week I reviewed this documentary called "Jesus Camp" for the school paper and the funniest scene of the whole film - by far - was when this pastor was lecturing all these kids on which books they should and shouldn't be reading and he tells them, "I'll just say this one thing about Harry Potter..." and there's this ominous, dramatic pause before he yells in this booming voice "Warlocks are the enemies of God!"

So you'll forgive me for being less than respectful to Agent Zero and his Zeronettes.

But quick, pop quiz hot shot...

Who is this?

Believe it or not folks, this totally anonymous baller is Caron Butler, second banana extraordinaire and Eastern Conference All-Star. With the Lakers he was a nobody, in Washington he's a nobody that's putting up big numbers. Two of their other starters were DeShawn Stevenson and Jarvis Hayes. I repeat, these guys are starting on the team with the second best record in the conference. Their leading rebounder was a guy named "Andray Blatche." By my calculations, if Manu Ginobili played for, say the Toronto Raptors for example, he'd be averaging 38 points, 12 rebounds and 14 assists a night.

How a ridiculous outfit like the Wizards could have the second best record right of the Mississippi speaks volumes of how wretched that conference is and how unbalanced the competition is in the league as a whole. When on consecutive nights everybody but the big three play like crap in losses to the Jazz and Suns and then five days later we've got everyone playing well at once... sorry I don't think that's a coincidence. I don't think the practice sessions made that much of a difference and I don't think the team found its defensive identity just like that. It's the competition, stupid.

The only Eastern teams that matter are Detroit, Chicago and maybe Miami. End of list. Just do everyone a favor and mercifully cancel the season for the rest of them Mr. Stern, I beg of you.

Okay, that's all I got a chance to write until I had to leave to watch the Spurs-Magic game. It's 2:00 AM and I'm home now...

Something bad just happened. Something very bad, but nobody died so don't worry about me. I can't really discuss the game in detail (not that it's worth discussing) much further, but I promise I'll explain later...

(And no it's not the ending of the Orlando game either, it's more important, so figure it out, the something bad that just happened is worse than a mere Spurs loss but not nearly as bad as somebody I know dying. Take turns guessing and the person closest to the answer gets a hysterical three paragraph rant about any player in the NBA in their honor and a shout out in a future blog.)

So let's wrap this up...

Your 3 Stars

3. Manu Ginobili - Scored 16 of his 18 points with both Tim and Tony on the bench. He scored 11 points in the first 2:20 of the fourth quarter to snuff any potential drama. Also, his last six field goal attempts were three pointers. Draw your own conclusions.

2. Tim Duncan - Only 7 rebounds? What a weenie. It's almost like there's a direct correlation between how many caroms he gets with tinyball vs. how few he gets when he plays with a center or something. Nah....

1. Tony Parker - Did almost everything well. I had a couple of philosophical questions about his decision making here or there, but nothing major. I've come to accept that one cannot rip Tony without ripping Pop and vice versa. And well... let's just say I'm looking forward to reading Adam's blog about the Orlando game and not looking forward to writing mine for Spursdynasty. The PtR gang will just hate me again and Matthew will make fun of me. God, you know it's coming. I shouldn't even link to it.

Record: 37-12 Streak: W-1
Up Next: @ Orlando Magic
Is it me or have we had problems guarding centers this year? Eh, it's okay, it's not like Dwight Howard can jump 18 feet high and beat us singlehandedly or anything. And that pansyass J.J. Redick isn't going to get a career high just because Bones is on him. Piece o' cake.