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Soccer Announcers Suck, Too

Here's a recommendation for any one watching the World Cup in a condominium or apartment building. Make sure you don't pause or rewind the playback at all. Because being even five seconds behind is enough for someone across the courtyard to yell "Gooooaaallllll" and ruin the US's only score of the first 180 minutes.

A lot will be made of the two red cards against the US. The first, on Mastroeni, seemed excessive to this entirely untrained eye. The second was actually the result of a second yellow card on Pope. This one seemed deserved in my book. Just because you already have a yellow card should not mean you get more leniency on every subsequent foul.

But, really, it's all moot. Because Italy got 100% robbed of a goal, and the moronic American announcers never mentioned it after it happened. Late in the first half a ball was served into the US box and was headed back out by some tall Italian dude who was called for being offside. Except he wasn't. Not even close. The ball went right to a shorter Italian dude who rocketed a shot off a US defender, off a post and into the net. Should have counted.

It's one thing to have a bad red card levied against you, it's a whole other thing to have a goal taken away.

I don't know jack crap about soccer, but Bruce Arena needs to go. He still had a sub left at the end of the game, when it was clear that about half the team was sucking wind. The US needs to overpay for some Dutch guy. At least some European. Shit, even my niece has a coach from Turkey who played for Manchester United. And she's 6 and lives in Texas for Chrissakes.

I am going to pretend to know what I'm talking about some more. The problem with the US is that it has a bunch of so-so players and absolutely no superstars. No big-time strikers. No one that puts the fear of God in the other team. No Ronaldo or Ronaldinho or Kaka or Crespo or Van Nistlerooy or Henry or that taller fellow for Sweden or Klose. Not even a go to guy on set pieces like Beckham. They got McBride, who's good with his head but couldn't even get the ball on net after a perfect layoff from Donovan. Then there's Reyna, who plays his ass off the whole game but when it matters most he fires a weak-ass shot instead of hitting a wide open and on-side Donovan on a diagonal cut.

Pathetic. I don't care what their FIFA ranking is or how confident they are. The US soccer team is still two notches below contender status.