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Column coming in a couple of hours... long story

Quickie NFL Picks...

Last week was disastrous. Not only did Donovan McNabb's ACL end the Eagles' season, but I went 4-10-1 picking vs. the spread. So I'm broke now. I can't bet another game until the playoffs. I'm very proud. Every time I feel the least bit intelligent, all I have to do is form an opinion about anything relating to the NFL, wait three hours, and voila!, I become a dope again. I love football, really.

Jacksonville at Buffalo (+3)- Maybe Willis McGahee plays, maybe he doesn't. I don't think it'd matter either way against those two massive SOBs on Jacksonville's defensive line. This is a tough match-up for Buffalo in that for them to have a shot J.P. Losman will have to play well for the second game in a row, and I don't like those odds. Jaguars to win and cover.

Houston at NY Jets (-5)- Chad Pennington's not going to have two stinkers in a row at home. Also I think Houston is pretty deflated after their last second loss at home to the Bills last week. Jets to win and cover.

Pittsburgh at Baltimore (-3)- Only three points? What? I'm perplexed. I'm stumped. I'm stupefied. Is this what it feels like to be a girl? This would have been one of those games I'd have bet on if I had any money. And I would've lost. One thing I think I know is that it'll be higher scoring that most people would figure. Pittsburgh's secondary is garbage and Baltimore gives up a lot of passing yards too, for a team with Ed Reed and Chris McAllister on it. Ravens to win and cover.

Cincinnati at Cleveland (+3)- Cincinnati won their first must have game last week and there's no reason they can't kept it going here. Ocho cinco has been on fire of late and they'd do well to get him the ball as much as possible. Their defense is garbage, but they should be able to hold off Cleveland's low wattage offense as long as they don't turn it over. Cue the ominous music. Bengals to win and cover.

Arizona at Minnesota (-6.5)- I think these two teams have combined to lose 13 of their last 14. The NFL on Fox! You gotta love it. I'll go with the mini-upset and pick the hotter team... as long as they're not dumb enough to run it with James against the Williams boys up the middle. Cardinals to win and cover.

San Francisco at St. Louis (-5)- Antonio Bryant of the Niners (T.O. Jr.) was caught speeding on Highway 101 in his bright orange Lamborghini, going over 100 mph. He was also allegedly intoxicated, resisted arrest, was verbally abuse to the police officers, and had to be physically restrained in order to cooperate. Oh and he'll be starting this week for San Francisco. Have I mentioned how much I love being a Spurs fan? Anyway, Niners to win and cover, mainly because they have the wondrous Frank Gore.

New Orleans at Atlanta (-3)- Another three point spread for the home team. This is a clear signal from Las Vegas that the professionals have no more clue as to what's going on with this league than I do. Jim Mora Sr. called Mike Vick a "coach-killer who can't pass" on his radio show a couple of weeks ago. His son replied by saying if he had a chance to start his team with any player from the entire history of the NFL, he'd pick Vick. Have a guess over which Mora's opinion I'm leaning toward. Oh yeah... Falcons to win and cover*

* But not really. Just play along.

Carolina at Washington (+4)- Dammit, I really need to borrow some money. This isn't fair. Why do all the easy games come along after I go in the red? I feel like Pop after he discovered that Fabricio Oberto was languishing on his bench. "What, you mean I've got a 6'10" guy who fully understands the offense, is unselfish, sets good picks, can catch the ball, and can finish? And he rebounds too? Huh." Coulda used that last year. Panthers to win and cover.

Chicago at New England (-3)- Why even have point spreads anymore? Or parlay cards? Everybody's gonna have like three ties on their record this week. I'm almost afraid to check Peter King's score projections; I just know it's going to anger me. Anyway, I think the Bears are the better team, but it's a lot to ask anyone to win three roadies in a row. Patriots to win and cover.

NY Giants at Tennessee (+3)- I feel like I'm being openly mocked right now. This is regoddamndicilous. The Giants offense is in their annual November rut, so once again one of their stars has taken to questioning Tom Coughlin's coaching. Surprise, surprise, he wants the ball more. Might as well comply and give it to him, nothing else is working. Giants to win and cover.

Oakland at San Diego (-13.5)- Finally a spread bigger than three. Of course if you check the prop bets and look for the over/under on how many TDs LT will score, you'll find that it's... three!

Okay, I made that up. I have no idea if they even have that bet available. But you believed me... Chargers to win and cover.

Philadelphia at Indianapolis (-9)- My team is dead. Complete toast. Not only is McNabb not playing, but we've got the only coach in America who will look at film of Indy's defense, where they give up like 5 yards a carry and are softer up the middle than Jackie Butler, and think to himself, "We can totally pass on these guys." Jeff Garcia sucks. He wasn't even good when he was good, and he's certainly not good anymore. The guy has no arm. All the Colts have to do is squat on the routes and Philly will be unable to move the ball via the pass.

Oh and they won't be able to put any pressure on Manning unless they blitz, and it won't bother him in the slightest. Man, being an Eagles fan is sweet. Colts to win and cover.

Green Bay at Seattle (-8.5)- Are you ready for some football? Um, no. I'll be at the Spurs game, hoping that they can hold the Warriors to under 120 points. Thanks, though. I'm good, really. Let me know how it turns out. Seahawks to win, Packers to cover.