Boston won the championship, wheee. Looks like Hollinger is no dummy, as for the second straight year, the point differential winner holds up. I lost $20 on the Finals, so thanks a lot Lamar and Pau. Dammit, I despise Kevin Garnett and Matthew hates Ray Allen, so this was a bad day for us. At least we can still say that since ’03 if the Spurs aren’t winning the title, no Western Team is.

Games 3

Group C:

Italy 2, France 0

Really, did this surprise anyone? I’m telling you, they’re the cock-a-roaches. Italy always survives the group stages, regardless of how poor they look in any one given game. They just find a way to get it done against sides that are bigger, stronger, and faster; much like our Spurs.

For France it was one bad omen after another and really the game was over for them eight minutes in when Franck Ribery, their best player, injured his ankle badly after entangling with Gianluca Zambrotta and had to be replaced. Without him ze French were going to penetrate Italy’s defense on the dribble and would have to rely almost exclusively  on crosses and low-percentage through balls. No Ribery, no Zinedine Zidane, no Patrick Vieira, who was supposed to be their playmaker?

As a consequence, Italy had the better of it from almost the opening whistle and would’ve had a quick lead if Luca Toni – who’s having a miserable tournament – had dribbled a ball at his feet a little further into the box instead of blasting a shot from way far out when he was completely unchallenged. It was ironic then that when he got his second chance, in the 25^th minute, that France’s Eric Abidal chose to clumsily foul him from behind, drawing a red card for himself and a penalty kick for his team, instead of letting Toni botch it again as he almost surely would have. Roberto Donadoni wisely (and there’s two words we haven’t had occasion to link together before) chose Andrea Pirlo to take the spot kick instead of Toni and he blasted it in the upper left corner of the net to make it 1-0 for the Azzurri.

Daniele De Rossi almost made it 2-0 three minutes later, but he rocketed an open shot over the bar and Toni wasted two more opportunities in short order. The French looked like they were on their heels. When they did get the ball in attacking position guys shot it from wide out instead of trying to build something. The guy they brought in for Ribery, Samri Nasri, had to be subbed for himself 20 minutes later with Jean Alain Boumsong, whom the gamecast commentator described as “a toilet.” Then, right before half, Fabio Grosso had a shot carom off the post on a deflection. It looked all Italy.

In the second half though, Italy came out too relaxed and it was difficult to guess which team was playing with ten, with almost all the possession early and Thierry Henry and Karim Benzema getting three decent half-chances in the first five minutes. It took news of the Netherlands’ first goal against Romania for the Italians to get their heads back into the game and they got more adventurous after that.

The game was decided for good in the 62^nd minute. Antonio Cassano, a surprise starter for Italy instead of Alessandro Del Piero, was fouled a wee bit outside of the box by Francois Clerc and De Rossi’s freekick took a fortuitous deflection of Henry’s foot and found the far side of the net, giving goalie Gregory Coupet (who looks like a cross between Barry Zito and Jm J. Bullock) no chance. From that point Gianluigi made one huge save on Benzema in the 74^th minute to erase all thoughts of a Turkey-like comeback from French minds and Toni hit another post right near the end.

Give the French credit for not going down like surrender-monkeys but they just didn’t have the horses to compete in this tournament, particularly in the midfield. Vieira’s unavailability was really the deathblow for them. It might get worse for France before it gets better, and with Romania, Serbia, and Austria looming in their qualifying group, it wouldn’t surprise me at all if they missed World Cup ’10. A new generation of stars will have to emerge but at the moment I don’t see anyone special up front or as a creator. As I said before, you can’t just replace a guy like Zidane. France doesn’t have the talent pipeline of say, Brazil. They had Michael Platini in the late 70s and early 80s, and Zidane came along a generation later, so really, their next stud should be expected around 2016 or so.   

Italy meanwhile now draws Spain in the quarters and the Iberians have to be wondering what they did to deserve this. It says here that they shouldn’t be. While Spain certainly has questions in the back, they can’t be troubled by the slumping Toni. Also, both of Italy’s staring central midfielders, Pirlo and  Gennaro Gattuso, will miss the game thanks to too many yellow cards. The former is their biggest threat on free kicks and the latter is the ball-winner and intimidator in the middle. The Spanish midfielders will have  considerably more room to pass and run without Gattuso’s presence. I’m guessing The Cock-a-Roaches will look to rely almost exclusively on counters and might be perfectly content to get the game to pennos.

Netherlands 2, Romania 0

This one I didn’t get to see as much of, due to it being on simultaneously with Ita-Fra, but again the Dutch gave every indication that they’re quite serious about winning this competition, dominating this match from beginning to end with their “B” team. Every time I looked up they were threatening goal and the more desperate Romanians could hardly get anything going. It was as if they were confident that Italy and France would draw so they were content to sit back themselves, perhaps thinking that the Dutch were just going to go through the motions. When they found out that Italy scored in the 25^th minute they got a little panicky, and just succeeded in opening the game up more for the Dutch. Their best forward, Adrian Mutu, the same guy who missed the penalty against Italy, had two chances within the first half hour and missed the net both times. Paul Codrea had a great opportunity in the 42^nd, and he too missed over the bar. That was pretty much it for their first half offense.

Netherlands meanwhile had some epic near misses. In the 35^th minute Klaas-Jan Huntelaar worked a great one-two with Arjen Robben in the box and Robben successfully rounded the Romanian keeper Bogdan Lobont, only to toe tap the ball wide of an open net from inside six yards. In the 48^th, Robin Van Persie expertly turned a defender on his box, kind of like what Sweden’s Zlatan Ibrahimovic did to Spain’s Sergio Ramos, and Van Persie shot it to the same spot, low and to the far post, but Lobont made a great save to deny him.

Finally, the Dutch broke through in the 55^th minute. Again Robben was streaking down the left, as he is wont to do, and finding nothing, he crossed the ball all the way to the other side to Ibrahim Afellay. Afelley struck a low cross to his near post a bit off target as it was just behind Orlando Engelaar, but the ball deflected behind him to a wide open Huntelaar on the other side of the goal for a simple tap in. I have serious doubts that Engelaar consciously thought to backheel a marvelous pass to his teammate, but if he did, then it’s the play of the tournament.

Not much happened after that for a good half hour and Romania never really threatened. Either Mutu was running off side or all their shots missed the net. The backup Dutch keeper Maarten Stelekenberg really wasn’t tested. Finally, they were put to bed for good in the 87^th minute when Van Persie chested down a long cross from Demy De Zeeuw inside the box, fought off defender Cosmin Contra’s challenge, and blasted a shot over Lobont’s right shoulder to make it 2-0. He finished the display off with this queer little “Clockwork Orange” celebration and really I can’t decide if the whole sequence was top class football or arrogant disrespect for the opponents. Doesn’t really matter either way, I suppose.

Romania’s undoing, like most mediocre teams, was a lack of finishing, and scoring one goal in three games simply will not do at this level, even if the opponents were France, Italy, and Holland. Unfortunately for Mutu, his costly miss against Italy probably cost them a spot in the quarters. The team plays good defense, particularly Razvan Rat, but they have a considerable way to go become a factor in tournaments and I think them making World Cup ’10 is a bit of a longshot at this point.

The Dutch meanwhile will now face countryman Guus Hiddink and a young, speedy Russian side in the quarterfinals. Both squads have earned their bread on the counter but in this game somebody is going to have the ball and it’s a good bet the experience and technical excellence of the Oranje will help them have the lion’s share of the possession. You have to figure that their superior finishing, Russia’s suspect defense and possibly a bit of a “happy to be here” attitude from the underdogs will be enough to see the Dutch through, 3-1.

Group D:

Russia 2, Sweden 0

Now this was a bit of a surprise, but in retrospect it shouldn’t have been. The Russians are the club on the rise, young, speedy, vibrant, full of energy and excitement and belief. They had every reason in the world to feel confident, having finished ahead of mighty England in their qualifying group and beaten the Three Lions 2-1 in Russia, and earning a couple of 0-0 draws against group winners Croatia as well. The Swedes on the other hand are (this sounds familiar) old and slow, in such dire straits that they recalled Henrik Larsson, a 36 year old, to be their starting forward. Ibrahimovic is by far their most dynamic player, and he has a balky knee and a balkier temperament. The coaching gap between the two sides, meanwhile, was embarrassing.

From the opening whistle the Russians played like a team that needed to win and the Swedes played like one that was hoping to draw. As with the Romanians, once a goal flashed on the scoreboard, their best laid plans fell apart. Russia was boosted in a major way by the tournament debut of Andrei Arshavin, a diminutive, super-quick, rosy-cheeked sparkplug, who, with the #10 on his back, reminded me of a young Pavel Bure gliding down the ice for the Vancouver Canucks. Now Arshavin is no youngster at 27, and admittedly this was the first time I’ve ever seen him play, so maybe he’s not always like this. Maybe he had an extra jump in his legs after having been banned for the first two matches for drawing a red card against Andorra in Russia’s final qualification game. I don’t know and I don’t care. All I can say is he clearly was the difference here, always making runs with the ball, always taking defenders on, challenging them, putting pressure on goal. The Swedes had no answers for him.

In the 13^th minute Aleksandr Anuikov crossed one to him and he missed an open header, but the chance was a sign of things to come, but for Arshavin and his team. In the 20^th he had an effort from that looked like it was going to be a cross, but he almost caught Andreas Isaksson napping and the Swedish keeper had to clear the ball over the bar. Igor Semshov’s cross almost led to a goal by Yuri Zhirkov in the 21^st.

In the 24^th minute, Russia got their deserved goal. Down a break on the right side Konstantin Zurianov crossed the ball to Anuikov to Arshavin’s running mate up front, the ever dangerous Roman Pavluchenko (who looks like he could be Cameron Diaz’s twin brother) who torqued his body and shot it low to Isaksson’s right and into the corner of the net. Three slick right footed touches in the Swedish third and the ball was in the net. And a minute after that Diniyar Bilyaletdinov almost made it 2-0 from the seat of his pants!

Sweden was shell-shocked now and finally the gravity of their situation dawned on them – the Russians weren’t patsies. They got their best chance up to that point (and perhaps all points afterward as well) when old man Larsson finally latched onto the end of an Anders Svensson cross and flick headed it off the woodwork, leaving keeper Igor Akinfeev grateful. The footy gods didn’t play any favorites as in the 36^th minute Pavluchenko’s effort on a loose ball in the box also found the bar. Both sides squeezed off a couple more decent shots after that, but they made it to half time still at 1-0.

In the second half though the Russians put the game away early with a break even faster and more jaw dropping than the first. Zhirkov won a ball in midfield and played it to Arshavin who worked it back to Bilyaletdinov on the left before both he and Zhirkov put their heads down and took off like BB pellets, screaming down the left corner of the pitch, where Bilyaletdinov one-touched a beautiful lob through-ball. Arshavin saw that Zhirkov was going to get to it first so the two of them kind of criss-crossed their runs, Zhirkov banking 45 degrees to the left, Arshavin 45 degrees to the right, inside the box. Zhirkov got to the ball, took a few steps with it, and crossed it with his left foot to the blazing Arshavin who put it in the low right corner while on the slide. Not only was it breathtaking to watch, the whole sequence of four passes involving three players covering over 60 yards took, at most, eight seconds.

The game was over after that and the only thing left to watch was Russia botch several agonizingly easy counterattacks (some of Pavluchenko’s misses were criminal) as Zurianov hit a post and missed another good chance and the forwards both did everything but score. Sweden, on the other hand, were either nodding headers right at Akinfeev or kicking balls nowhere near his vicinity. As the gamecast guy put it best, in the 77^th minute, “Ibrahimovic’s free kick is woeful. Either he’s not fit or he’s just crap.”

Well I would lean strongly toward the former. Ibrahimovic proved himself in this tournament in the first two games and ended his international scoring drought. He played on a bad knee and gave it his all. At 26, he’s got two, maybe three major tournaments left in him and it would be a shame if the Swedish soccer federation wasted his great talent by surrounding him with so much mediocrity. The Swedes came in as the oldest team in the Euros and they need to rebuild around their talisman. And the recipe for that certainly doesn’t involve Larsson, a great player in his day but far too old and slow now to be playing at this level. That Ibrahimovic wanted Larsson to play alongside him rather than all the other available young talent in Sweden tells you all you need to know about both the pull he has on the team and their level of talent. Even more glaring than the need for a speedy finisher to complement their star forward is a central attacking midfielder who has the vision and the creative flair to get the ball to them in a manner besides long ball. In today’s game if you can’t counter you can’t win and Sweden were too slow to even attempt it.

For Russia, Hiddink gets to try to pull off another upset, facing the best team of the tournament thus far in the Netherlands, his old team and his home nation. The first goal will be critical and will determine the shape of the match, but I just can’t see the young Russians claiming it.

Spain 2, Greece 1

Spain made ten lineup changes, conceded the first goal right before half, and still won 2-1 against the Cup holders. So no, I don’t think they’ll be an easy out for the Azzurri. In a game I didn’t get to watch at all, Greece got on the board on – what else for them – an Angelos Charisteas header off a set piece. Giorgos Karagounis, easily their best player in these disappointing Euros, took a free kick on the left side in the 42^nd minute and Charisteas beat two men on an inside run and met the ball in midair with his noggin and blasted it into the left side to make it 1-0 Greece. After scoring, in what I thought was a really classy gesture, Charisteas jogged out all the way back to celebrate with his captain and goalie, Antonis Nikopolidis, playing his final game for Greece.

Before the goal Spain had been having the better chances with Xabi Alonso just missing the goal on a pair of blasts (one from his own half) and Sergio Garcia’s low shot parried away by Nikopolidis. In the second half, after Charisteas missed a good chance to make it 2-0 for his side by knocking  another header right at keeper Pepe Reina, they found the net not once but twice, but not before yet another Alonso rocket met the crossbar with a resounding thud. Finally, after an hour, enough was enough for the Iberians. Cesc Fabregas chipped a nice pass into the right corner of the box for his forward, Daniel Guiza to nod down to midfielder Ruben de la Red, who made a sneaky, unmarked run into the fray. This guy, who I’ve never heard of before, struck the ball so hard, I actually felt sorry for Nikopolis. I mean, the thing had a vapor trail. Red blasted the ball with his right foot and it ricocheted off the keeper’s left arm and into the roof of the net to tie the game up. That had to hurt. He could’ve killed somebody with that shot.

Just when a draw looked imminent, Spain sent the defending champions home without a point, with Garcia’s cross from the right finding Guiza all alone on the left side of the net after his marker, Traianos Dellas slipped. Guiza headed the ball over Nikopolidis’ outstretched arms but under the net and Spain entered the quarters with a perfect record. Waiting for them will be Italy, as I mentioned before, without their two central midfielders, so if Spain is ever going to beat them, this is the time.     

On the surface it looks like an embarrassing, shameful, even pathetic tournament for the Greeks, but it’s important to have perspective. They already won this trophy once as a huge underdog. They’re on lifetime scholarship with their fans – or should be – from here on out. They’re not a world power for crying out loud, they’re a slow team that’s always lacked scoring, even in the best of times. I think they played way, way, way over their heads in ’04 and weren’t nearly as bad as the scores indicate in ’08. It’s worth remembering that they dominated qualifying for this tournament, going 10-1-1, albeit in a relatively weak group. Like Sweden the team is old and slow and need an injection of youth in the worst way. What will be interesting for me is to see how the team reacts to their showing here and how it affects their confidence in their World Cup qualifiers. Their group is pretty easy again, with just Switzerland and Israel as threats, but Greece will have to rediscover their identity.

3^rd Games Starting XI

G: Artur Boruc; Poland – Again made several lunging saves and was top notch for the awful Poles.

LD: Alexsandr Anuikov; Russia – Assist on Pavluchenko’s game winner, shut down Sweden.

CD: Philippe Senderos; Switzerland – The hub in the back snuffing out Portugal’s second string.

CD: Servet Cetin; Turkey – Battled Jan Koller all game with a sore knee and nearly scored on a header.

RD: Hamit Altintop; Turkey – Three assists, but the damage was done in the midfield after a sub.

LM: Arda Turan; Turkey – His goal got the Turks back into the game.

CM: Tuncay Sanli; Turkey – Might have been their best player in the second half, constantly starting breaks, heading on goal, winning balls.

CM: Michael Ballack; Germany – Free kick scorcher sent the host Austrians home for the summer.

RM: Lubor Sionko; Czech Republic – He deserved better and was by far their best player.

LF: Nihat Kahveji; Turkey – Scoring the tying and winning goals in the 87^th and 89^th minutes kind of a big deal.

RF: Hakan Yakin; Switzerland – A brace for him as well, but very tempting to put Russia’s Arshavin here.

 

Group Stage Starting XI

G: Gianluigi Buffon; Italy – After a rough start, absolutely sensational the last two games when he had to be.

LD: Philipp Lahm; Germany – Without peer in the world, the little guy never fails to impress.

CD: Robert Kovac; Croatia – Helped shut down Germany in their 2-1 upset.

CD: Razvan Rat; Romania – Probably their breakout star of this tournament.

RD: Hamit Altintop; Turkey – Poor first game against Portugal, but sensational in the last two.

LM: Cristiano Ronaldo; Portugal – Had a hand in all five goals for his side and was a constant terror. Turkey’s Turan gave him a run for his money though.

CM: Wesley Sneijder; Netherlands – Only central midfielder with two goals.

CM: Deco; Portugal – No one else really stood out for the second spot.

RM: Lubor Sionko; Czech Republic – Edged Croatia’s Darijo Srna because he played more games.

LF: David Villa; Spain – Four goals, two game winners, in just two games played.

RF: Nihat Kahveci; Turkey – Can beat you passing (Switzerland) or shooting (Czech Republic).

 

  

 

Games 3

Group A

Turkey 3, Czech Republic 2

Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod.

What the hell just happened?

Seriously, what the hell just happened?

There have been two comebacks so far in the Euros, where a team conceded the first goal, came back to tie, and then won, and it was my team, the Turks, were the ones responsible for both. In fact, this time around it wasn’t enough for them to rally from being merely one down, so they let the Czech score the first two.

2-0. Two nil after 62 minutes. That’s a mortal lock in international footy. That’s "Goodnight Aunt Gracie" time. That’s "It’s all over but the crying and cursing" time. Especially the cursing. Most of all, it’s time to get good and pissed. I guarantee you that millions of Turks watching the game will have no recollection whatsoever of the comeback because they were getting themselves completely shitfaced somewhere around half time.

Honestly, I should’ve too, but the games are on a bit too early where I’m at. My homies came out way too nervous and tentative and I knew they were in trouble right away. They didn’t really touch the ball for more than a few seconds at a time in the first 15 minutes. The Czech midfield were dominating the game and pretty much every time they played a ball to the gigantic weenie, Jan Koller, we went over his back and fouled him, leading to an early flurry of yellow cards and free kicks.  They weren’t forcing Turkish keeper Volkan Demirel into any tough saves, but you could sense trouble brewing.

In the 33^rd minute, their early composure and control finally paid off for them and they got on the board by finishing off a mini-break. The ball came to Marek Matejovsky in the middle, he dished it off to his right to Lubor Sionko, who’s simply been their best player by a mile the whole tournament, and he crossed it off to the gigantic Koller, who easily outleapt his marker Emre Gungor (probably the fourth choice at centerback if everyone was healthy) and slammed it home off the side of that watermelon he calls a head. The goal was a long time coming and we were probably fortunate to being going into half just one down.

In the second half they made a key tactical change and scrapped their 4-4-2 and ditched forward Semih Senturk in favor of a 4-5-1 and Sabri Sarioglu. Sabri essentially moved to right back and Hamit Altintop moved to midfield, though they were so desperate that for large stretches of the game they were essentially playing a 3-5-2 or a 3-6-1. Suddenly they were starting to enjoy the lion’s share of the possession and challenging Peter Cech’s goal. Altintop was getting easier and easier access throwing crosses into the box from the right side. Tuncay Sanli had a couple of headers on net, but right at Cech. Turkey looked to be threatening to tie it up at any second.

Then disaster struck. Gungor got hurt and had to be stretchered off the field. The team certainly wasn’t missing his quality, but they were still better off playing with him than with only ten. His absence was felt almost immediately when the lumbering Koller was able to get a breakaway, and Demirel was fortunate the big man missed wide left, not as accurate with his feet as he had been with his head. It hardly matter though as in the very next trip down the pitch Sionko, again on the right side found an open man to latch on to one of his crosses and this time it was Jaroslav Plasil to bang home a sliding bouncing volley in the 61^st minute, against the run of play. The manager Fatih Terim was furious that he wasn’t allowed to get his sub on the pitch, because you know, Emre Asik would’ve just totally shut that shit down.

Anyway, at 2-0 I certainly taught the game was over. My mom even called me to see how the game was going and I told her as much. Hell, the Czechs had come closer to making it 3-0 than we had to scoring at all, with Sionko agains making a perfect feed, this time to Jan Polak, who slammed it off the right crossbar to save the hapless Demirel from further embarrassment. Just about everything was going their way. Their team was healthier, playing from ahead, they had the momentum and the ref seemed to be favoring them at every opportunity.

Then something odd happened. A linesman on the far side broke his flag and needed another. Instead of the frustrated Turkish players making the refs sort the problem out amongst themselves, Sanli jogged the replacement flag over, all the way across the pitch. Sure, it was probably a way to save some time, but the move just reeked of good karma. I mean, it was impossible to miss.

And just like that the Turks started to breathe fire. Sanli got the ball at the top of the box in the 74^th minute and he made a short, smart pass to Altintop making a run into the box. He was quickly met by several alert Czech defenders, so he did the only thing he could, pass it way to his left across the box and hope a trailer was there. There was no way he could’ve spotted Arda Turan on the other side. Somehow the ball made it through a forest of bodies and legs and found wonderboy at the left edge of the box and though his shot wasn’t struck all that hard, it was low and on target and Cech couldn’t get enough of it on his dive, managing only to deflect the ball off the post and in. 2-1 in the 75^th minute and now we had life.

What happened after that was something I’ve never witnessed from Turkey in all my time watching against good competition in these tournaments – they never gave up the ball. Seriously, it was fifteen minutes almost of solid pressure in the Czechs half, mostly coming from the right flank with Altintop and sub Colin Kazim-Richards (aka Kazim Kazim, [don’t ask]). Plasil was having a miserable time trying to defend his side of the pitch that they finally subbed him out in the 80^th minute, but the new guy couldn’t do any better. For the life of me, I couldn’t imagine my Turks ever discombobulating the Czechs so badly. Unlike all the other teams with a lead, they just couldn’t mount any kind of counterattack at all, they were happy just to clear it to the half line, or out of bounds. If you permit me the Bill Simmons imitation, "It was like watching ‘Rocky IV’ where Rocky starts whaling away on Drago and he can’t fight back."

 

Our best, last chance looked like it came and went in the 81^st minute. Off a corner Altintop somehow found himself on the left side and he booted a beautiful bending cross perfectly on target to centerback Servet Cetin who was fairly open. The pass couldn’t have been a millimeter more accurate. Cetin botched it and knocked it off the side of his head wide and I slammed the table in disgust.

But it wouldn’t matter.

Four minutes later we got a gift and Altintop threw another cross into the box. This one didn’t look to be as accurate and Cech was all over it.

Except he wasn’t.

The ball slipped through his hands and right to Nihat (Coffeemaker) Kahveci, who politely tapped it in for the tying goal in the 87^th minute with stunned captain Tomas Ujfalusi helplessly looking on. I was so stunned I couldn’t even make a sound. I just stared at the TV screen, wondering if the goal counted. It was too easy, I kept waiting for some whistle to be blown or something. Finally, it hit me that we had scored and I got up and started yelling and jumping, only I couldn’t find it in me to be as loud as I was against the Swiss, because I knew that penalty kicks still beckoned and my personal awful record with pennos with the teams I root for. Even tied, we were still underdogs in my mind. The delirium lasted maybe 30 seconds and already I was more nervous and anxious than ever.

"Please don’t tell me they came back just to lose on the fucking shootout," I was thinking.

Because my mind works that way. Because I have this sickness.

Watching the replays, you have to give Cech some consolation. It wasn’t that easy of a play. His body wasn’t perfectly upright and he did have to lunge for the ball at an angle. Plus it was raining and wet.

Who am I kidding? It was lucky as hell. But the Czechs second goal was bullshit too, so whatever.

Anyway, just when I was thinking about who would be the one to whack their penalty shot twenty feet over the bar, the Turks got the ball again. Of course it found the feet of Altintop, it was as if he had it the whole half. He raced up field, found Coffeemaker open on a seam to the left, and Ujfalusi, way on the other side of the pitch, couldn’t run upfield fast enough to execute the off-side trap. Kahveci just barely was onside, and for once, the linesman gave the tie to the offense, a decision to which I’ll always be grateful. Kahveci calmly gathered himself, saw Cech rushing toward him and coolly curled the ball over and around him and to the underside of the crossbar, the carom deflecting it just inside the goal.

Like the late, great ESPN hockey announcer said once when Wayne Gretzky beat the butterflying Patrick Roy over the shoulder and under the bar, "A perfect shot! A perfect shot!"

You can see the video of the shot here, at the 1:30 mark, but it’s the Canadian feed, not ESPN, so no Mees call.

To go from two down to one up in under 14 minutes against the Czechs? That’s sports movie nonsense. This stuff never happens in reality. I was stunned. I was shell-shocked. I kept waiting for the off-sides flag to go up. When I finally registered that we had the lead, I was yelling and dancing and hugging and tackling everyone. I think I broke the old cook’s ribs. I yelled louder this time, but it was still a Sunday with all these people eating brunch, so Manolis told me to restrain myself.

Besides, the game wasn’t over.

In between our third goal and the final whistle our stupid goalie found time to shove Koller, and while it was a good shove, Koller gave the mother of all flops and flew backward like he got shot. The ref gave him our keeper a red card, Zidane-style. Our three substitutions had already been made so we had to have Sanli wear the gloves and Demirel’s jersey, inside-out. Thank God no shots came his way. It helped a lot that Ujfalus got booked, as did Milan Baros, from the bench. Those took up most of the remaining time.

In short, the greatest ending to a soccer game I’ve ever seen and probably our finest moment on the world stage. This even surpasses our run to third place in the ’02 World Cup because we actually beat a real team instead of China-Japan-Senegal-South Korea. And now we’ve become the Cinderella, the feel good story. Everyone watching our game on Friday who isn’t Croatian (or possibly Armenian) will be pulling for us. It’s an amazing feeling.

What makes me so happy is that our team is young and should only get better and better. Kahveci is the oldest star and he’s 28. Altintop is 25. Sanli is 26. Turan is 21. Our best offensive backliner, Gokhan Gonul missed the tournament with a bad groin, and he’s 22. Our captain, Belozoglu Emre hasn’t played since the first game with a hamstring injury, and he was our best player against Portugal. He’s 27. Hopefully he can return soon.

But can you imagine us in World Cup ’10 throwing out a 3-5-2 with Mehmet Aurelio and Mehmet (Manu) Topal as the holding midfielders, Turan, Emre, and Altintop left-to-right as attacking midfielders and Kahveci and Sanli as forwards? Plus Gonul attacking from right fullback and Hakan Balta from left? That would be sick. Fucking sick. We’d easily have one of the best offenses in Europe, if not the world. The country has never produced more football talent and we’d be ready to join Europe’s "Big Seven" alongside Germany, Italy, France, Netherlands, Spain, England, and Portugal. All of a sudden, I’m not dreading those World Cup qualifiers anymore. We can play with anybody and everyone will be afraid of us. I’m so excited.

However, that doesn’t mean this  tournament run is over, not by a long shot. I don’t care if the starting goalie is out. Our backup, Rustu Recber has plenty of experience and was a hero in ’02, easily the second best keeper in the tournament after Germany’s Oliver Kahn (and way busier).  Aurelio will miss the game with too many yellows, so Topal will have to step up. So far, he’s been mediocre, but he looked less nervous in this game than against the Swiss. Emre Gungor is out for the tournament with his injury and Cetin is still very gimpy and it looks like the other starting centerback Gokhan Zan, who hasn’t played since Portugal, is still out. We simply don’t have anyone left back there in the middle except Asik, and he has a big bandage wrapped around his head. We might need to pull out all the stops, play a 3-6-1 or 3-5-2 and just hope our midfielders can neutralize their midfielders, strength against strength. We literally don’t have enough healthy bodies to play a 4-4-2.  Croatia has an incredible midfield but I’m not in love with their forwards, defense or goalie, so it could be another interesting, crazy game. They’re very deep though and beat Poland today with their "B" team, so we will need to play more than 30 minutes to beat them. Either way, I won’t give up now, no matter what.

To recap what I just wrote...

Türkei - Tschechien 3-2 EM 2008 15.06.2008 (via turkiye2828)

I can't emphasize strongly enough that none of those gentlemen who turned the parking lot of a Turkish gas station into a gay nightclub is me. I live in the mecca of gay nightclubs, so I don't have to fantasize about what going to one might be like, thank you very much.

Switzerland 2, Portugal 0

In a game that completely didn’t matter, the host Swiss gave their fans a token win, beating the Portuguese backups behind two more goals from their Turkish forward Hakan Yakin. His first one, in the 71^st minute came after a nice through ball from Gokhan Inler, another Turk. Hmmm. The second came on a penalty shot in the 83rd.

The Swiss were unlucky in both of their losses to the Czechs and to the Turks and definitely deserved a better fate. The way the team rallied around the injury of their captain and best player, Alexander Frei was admirable, but it appears as though they’ve found two good young scorers to replace him in Yakin and his teenage forward partner Eren Derdiyok.

Actually, not two young ones. It seems, Yakin is already 31. Oh, and did I mention he’s really Turkish?

Anyway, now that we’ve avenged our awful play-offs loss to them in 2006 and the team and its fans represented themselves so well in this tournament, I no longer hold any hatred or animosity towards them. I will go back to thinking about them the way I did before this whole mess started – basically I won’t.

And I’d still do Martina Hingis. If you’re reading this Martina, call me.

Portugal rested everybody and will now tune up for their Thursday slobberknocker with ze Germans. With their game with the Czechs out of the way, I can happily resume my hatred of the Portuguese and I hope Ronaldo the ponce gets the shit kicked out of him by Torsten Frings and Christoph Metzelder. The reality though is so far Portugal has looked much the bigger side and it would have to be considered an upset if Germany wins the game. Basically, the manager Low will have to figure out to bench Mario Gomez for Germany and the keeper Ricardo will have to do something really stupid in net for Portugal.

Group B:

Germany 1, Austria 0

Give the Austrians credit. They were game and they competed and the home field advantage made them a lot tougher opponent for all three teams in Group B than I’d ever imagined. Really I thought they would lose all three games by an aggregate of 9-1 or something. They wound up only surrendering three goals. Their problem, clearly, was offense. They mustered one freakin’ goal in three games and that was a mercy penalty shot in the 92^nd minute. Pathetic, any way you slice it.

Today against Germany they had nine shots, which sounds fairly impressive, until you realize that none were on goal and Jens Lehmann had to make as many saves as you or me watching this snoozer on our couches or loveseats. I guess those Austrian petition people were right, they should’ve forfeited their spot and let another European team play. Like I dunno, maybe FUCKING INGERLUND perhaps. You should’ve seen Beckham’s face in the press conference last Saturday night when I asked him about the Euros. I could tell it really pained him to even talk about it, he was so embarrassed to be there and not in this tournament.

About the only interesting thing that happened in the game is that the two managers Joachim Low along with Austria counterpart Josef Hickersberger got ejected in the 41^st minute for arguing with each other. The fourth ref on the sidelines, Paolo Calcagno had enough of their bickering and called the main ref Manuel Gonzalez over and he made them watch the rest of the game from the stands. How embarrassing! How humiliating! (How relieved am I that it didn’t happen to our guy, Terim?)

Low is another one of these guys, like Mike Martz or Norv Turner in football, where it seems pretty clear they should just be offensive coordinators and not head coaches. He took a perfect working recipe for Germany and ruined it with needless tweaks and substitutions. His two non-injury related lineup changes from ’06 to now, Mario Gomez at forward and Marcus Janssen at left back have been terrible the whole tournament and two of them have seemingly conspired to knock Germany out of it. I don’t care how good Gomez was in the Bundesliga, the national team is different! And I don’t care how terrible Schweinsteiger was in the Bundesliga, he was like the third or fourth best player on the team in ’06! He should’ve been starting this whole time!

Anyway, it seems that Low is either slowly learning from his mistakes or fate is intervening for him. His ejection probably prevented him from doing something stupid in the game tactically and losing to Austria. Janssen was out with a "shoulder injury" Arne Freidrich started at right back and moved Philipp Lahm back to the left. Finally, the ’06 backfield was together at last. And presto, no shots on goal allowed! Who’d have guessed?

Low couldn’t have started (or even played) Schweinsteiger today even if he wanted to as he was suspended for picking up that stupid red card against the Croatians. But he’ll be eligible for the quarterfinal against Portugal. If he’s not the starting left midfielder on Thursday, just fire Low on the spot.

Gomez cannot possibly play anymore, he’s killing them. Miroslav Klose set him up as gloriously as any forward could ever be set up, a ball at his feet two meters from net and no goalie to be found, and Gomez clubbed it straight up in the air and then didn’t even jump for it. What a dog. He should be put down, and fast. Just play Lukas Podolski up front already. You’re not fooling anyone you stupid prick, he’s a forward. Jurgen Klinsmann must be watching the games, laughing, smirking, yelling to no one in particular, "Hey Beckenbauer, what do you think of me now, you old bastard?"

Though the Germans needed just a draw to get through, they thankfully gave the game the one goal with captain Michael Ballack rocketing home the first free kick goal of the tournament into the upper right corner of the net. Austria’s Jurgen Macho had no chance. Still, the angle Ballack shot it, the ball had no curve at all, it was a straight in shot. I’m thinking their wall made a mistake in their lineup. Maybe no one wanted to get hit by his cannon. I don’t really blame them.

Germany gets the hated Portuguese on Thursday, and that means I have to root for them. While they’ve been crap for two games now on offense, they can still upset Portugal if they score first and frustrate them. Klose is overdue for a goal and he might get one if Schweinsteiger is there to cross him a good ball. These teams last met in the WC ’06 Third Place Game and Germany won easily 3-1 behind two goals from the platinum blonde midfielder. I don’t know if that game means anything though. WC3PGs have the opposite rule from all other postseason contests: The team that’s happier to be there always wins. The team that is bitchy and grumpy about having lost its semifinal always loses. Hot blooded temperamental teams like Bulgaria and Portugal have no patience to get up for such trivial affairs. The ’02 WC3PG between Turkey and South Korea was the first time ever both teams were happy to be there, so the tiebreaker went to the more talented team and we won 3-2, in a loosey-goosy contest where nobody played any defense and Hakan Sukur scored 11 seconds in.

Croatia 1, Poland 0

Pretty lame for Poland, losing to the Croatian "B" team. Thanks a lot, guys, now they’ll be way too overconfident when we play them.  It’ll play right into our hands.

Obviously I wasn’t paying much attention to this one at all, and as ashamed as I am to admit it, I actually glanced more at the U.S. Open playoff between Tiger Woods and Rocco Mediate than to this match. When I did look over I saw Polish keeper Artur Boruc make a few more dazzling saves and Polish attackers missing the net. Poland scored one goal the whole tournament and it was off-sides and shouldn’t have counted.

And the guy who scored it was Brazilian.

Croatia’s goal came from Ivan Klasnic in the 52^nd minute and it was a Manu special if there ever was one. He was bumped by some Polish guy and fell down to embellish the contact, hoping to draw a penalty kick. No call was given so he got up and ran to an open spot in the box and Danijel Pranjic hit him with a pass from the left side and he turned his body and shot it low and to the far post and beat Boruc.

Croatia leave Group B with a perfect 3-0-0 record and now face my Turks on Friday. They’ll come in fully rested and healthy and with all the momentum in the world. Their midfield of Darijo Srna, Luka Modric, Nico Kovac and Niko Kranjcar shut Germany down and created so many chances on offense and sometimes Pranjic plays with them too and they go 3-5-2 or 4-5-1. Both teams’ strengths are in the middle and both are coming in red hot, so whichever group plays better should win the game.

But no, I don’t want to be down 3-0, "Just to see what happens."

Tomorrow it’s a rematch of the ’06 World Cup Final between Italy and France but no Zinedine Zidane, perhaps no Marco Materazzi, and a decent chance of no importance whatsoever if the Dutch scrubs let Romania run over them. I’m guessing that Romania will only muster another tired draw and the cock-a-roaches will sneak through again like always.

 

 

 

 

Just like that, the tournament has crossed the halfway line, 16 games in the books, just 15 left. Already some of the drama has been removed as all four group winners have been decided, Portugal, Croatia, Netherlands and Spain. Also, Switzerland and Greece are officially eliminated. That leaves ten teams battling for four spots, starting with a huge clash between the Turks and the Czechs that I’m going to be sweating out.

Still, a lot of great games have been played and you deserve some recaps, so enjoy, dammit. I’ve decided to forgo accents or whatever all the weird squiggly things all these damn Euros use in their names and I’m just typing with the basic English alphabet, so sue me. I’ve never put the accent on Ginobili all these years, and he doesn’t seem to mind.

On a personal note, I’ve discovered that meeting no soccer player can phase me at all. I was perhaps 15 feet away from David Beckham today at his press conference after the LA Galaxy-San Jose Earthquakes game and even asked him a question about England missing out on the Euros. He said he feels sick to his stomach about it and can’t even watch the games. So basically, he’s an American now, I guess.

But yes, I still think interviewing Manu would be weird. He’d probably be wondering why I’m also naked I keep asking him about stupid nicknames.

 

Group A:

Portugal 3, Czech Republic 1

The one time in my life I’ve rooted for these bastards, and I’ve got to give them credit, they didn’t let me down. Their midfield controlled the game very well, particularly on the flanks with Cristiano Ronaldo on the left and Deco on the right. The pair terrorized the game basically and always seemed to be threatening for goals.

The way Portugal plays with their lone forward, Nuno Gomes, is very interesting. They don’t really look to him for goals all that much but rather use him as a holding player and a facilitator for onrushing midfielders on one-twos. Also, with Ronaldo, they probably take more long shots than most of the other teams and make the goalie work. Against Peter Cech that’s not the best strategy, probably, but against many keepers I would do the same thing.

On their first goal, just seven minutes in, Ronaldo and Deco had a two-on-one in the box and it looked like the Manchester United man was successfully tackled, but the ball trickled to Deco right behind him and he managed to claw it away from Cech’s clutches not once but twice and kind of leaked it past a couple of Czech defenders on the line. It was an ugly goal if there ever was one; but they all count the same.

The Czechs tied it nine minutes later when Jaroslav Plasil found Lubor Sionko (probably their best player in the first game against Switzerland) on a corner header, but really for them that was it. In open play they had almost no prayer and needed to rely almost exclusively on set pieces and hope to use their height against the shorter Portuguese. They started Milan Baros this time up front before he gave way to the towering Jan Koller but neither were very much effective at all, their peaks long behind them.

Portugal went ahead for good when Deco found Ronaldo dashing full speed into the edge of the box and he one timed a low shot past Cech for the winner in the 63^rd minute. For good measure the two of them combined for the gift third goal as well. The Czechs committed a late foul in stoppage time and fell asleep, letting Deco boot the quick restart far up the pitch to Ronaldo, who timed his run so perfectly past his defender, he was alone by 20 yards by the time he got the ball. He could’ve gone for his second goal and probably had a fair shot of getting it, but he unselfishly dished it off to sub Ricardo Queresma for the tap in goal. Ronaldo has been a far better player so far than I had imagined and has had a hand in all of their goals. If he were a hockey player he’d have one goal, four assists.

While it looks meaningless on the scoresheet, that final goal the Czechs conceded might prove to be massively costly. Instead of being level on scoring differential 2-2, they’re now at -1, just like Turkey, two goals for, three against. Consequently, it robs them of the opportunity of playing for a draw their third game.

The Portuguese meanwhile have clinched their group and will use the opportunity to rest all their good players for the final game. The home Swiss will probably capitalize and give their fans a small measure of satisfaction with a home win. While it all looks great for Portugal now, mark my words: Their goalie Ricardo, and his overaggressive wandering will be the death of them.

Turkey 2, Switzerland 1

Sweet, sweet revenge for 2006, when the spineless Swiss denied my Turks a trip to the World Cup, where they would have had plenty of fan support playing in Germany (we’re their Mexico).

As predicted Turkey started wonderboy Arda Turan in the absence of Belezoglu Emre and instantly the team looked more aggressive and assertive at the onset, though the quality of their opposition might have had something to do with it. The game was going back and forth, both teams having a few minor chances, when all of a sudden God started just pissing on everyone and turning the field into an absolute swamp. The ball was a fucking rock, never moving anywhere on a kick or a pass, and the Turks were having a miserable time adjusting to the conditions. Turan hit the post on a header, and that looked like it would be their best chance.This is a running, passing team and they can’t play long ball anymore. If they could, they’d still have kept Hakan Sukur on the squad.

The Swiss had their own Turkish Hakan though, as their forward Yakin put us behind the eight ball in the 32^nd minute finishing off a goalmouth feed from teenage running mate Eren Deryidok. Derdiyok got behind defender Hakan Balta on a long through ball on the right hand side and passed it somehow between the other three Turkish defenders to Yakin, with centerback Emre Asik in particular looking the worst. Deryidok and Yakin almost combined three minutes later on the same play, but this time the ball skipped past Yakin instead of stopping dead on a puddle for him to diddle in.

The second half though, just as quickly as the rains came, they left. The grounds crew did a marvelous job sopping off the field and it actually looked playable. All of a sudden the guys looked like they could run and pass and dribble and I regained some hope, especially with Mehmet (Manu) Topal checking in as a sub. Forward Nihat Coffeemaker had an excellent cross from the left to sub Semih Senturk and he out-leapt his marker to head home to tie the game. Already I was thinking, “Now we have a mathematical chance, we just have to beat the Czechs.”

In the 2000 Euros they lost their first group game to Italy, tied Sweden, and then shocked the hosts, Belgium, to advance to the quarters. In the 2002 World Cup they lost to Brazil, tied Costa Rica, and then beat China to advance. The pattern looked like it would hold and it was really all I was counting on, especially when Coffeemaker couldn’t quite run on to the end of a clever pass from Tuncay Sanli in the 73^rd minute. It helped us out immensely that Switzerland blew a four on one break ten minutes later with Johan Vonlanthen Yakin hitting his initial shot too softly and Yakin being unable to fully pounce on the rebound. The draw looked immenent.

But what can I say, we’re shitty guests. We made the Belgian fans cry at home in 2000, and vanquished both Japan and South Korea in the ’02 World Cup. It was perfectly appropriate (and just) for us to score a goal in the 92^nd minute to make the Swiss the first side eliminated out of the tournament. The story of Euro ’08 has been counterattack goals and this was no different. Keeper Volkan Demirel (sensational all game except for being a bit overeager on the Yakin goal) punched it out to right back Hamit Altintop in the corner who spun and booted it to the middle of the pitch to Senturk. He in turn scooted it over to Sanli who was facing the right sideline but quickly spun a 180 degrees and crossed the ball to Arda, streaking down the left. He beat his defender at the left edge of the box and blasted what looked to be a low, difficult (but savable) shot that somehow tipped off the boot of a defender and went on a low parabola right over the stunned noggin of Swiss keeper Diego Benaglio and just inches under the crossbar.

I screamed so loud, I scared the bloody hell out of everyone. I’m not sure I’ve ever done that before.

Now the task is simple for the Turks. They have to beat the Czechs with both teams on completely equal terms. I’m guessing both sides will play ultra cautiously, wary of making a critical mistake. I’m not very scared of the Czechs at all; they’ve looked very much like crap their first two games and got considerably more outplayed by the Swiss than we did. If the game ends tied after 90 minutes, there won’t be any extra time and the teams will proceed directly to pennos, thanks to a new rule change.

Yeah, that won’t be stressful or anything.

Group B:

Croatia 2, Germany 1

Speaking of stunning, I don’t know if anyone was prepared for this result. Croatia had looked so slow and sluggish in barely beating Austria and Germany looked to be toying with the Poles. This game however, it was as if the two sides had switched uniforms, just to fuck with us.

Ze Germans had no room, no passing lanes, no ambition, no flair. The flanks had been so successful for them in the last game and in all of the past World Cup, but the Croats took it away and Germany couldn’t exploit the defense by going through the middle. Michael Ballack was absolute horseshit and Torsten Frings wasn’t very much better. In fact, their entire midfield sucked, including subs David Odonkor and Bastian Schweinsteiger, who disgraced himself with a stupid late red card.

Croatia’s first goal, in the 24^th minute, was set up by some intricate tight passing between Danijel Pranjic, Ivan Rakitic and Ivica Olic. In the end it was Pranjic who got some time on the right side and he crossed it into the box for Darijo Srna to volley home. He outmuscled his marker, the pitiful Marcus Janssen and deflected the ball past the helpless Jens Lehmann. They got their second in the 62^nd minute when Srna’s long crossing attempt was deflected by Germany’s Lukas Podolski, right off the post and into the path of Olic, who touched it home into the yawning net. Podolski would go on to salvage a goal in the 79^th minute, volleying home a loose ball in the box again with his left foot, and he’s now scored all three goals for Germany in the Euros.

Germany couldn’t claim any kind of bad luck or referee error in this one, they got completely outplayed from whistle to whistle. In fact, they were extremely fortunate to surrender just the two goals. The Croatian midfield buzzed around Lehmann’s net all night, Niko Kranjcar in particular, and Luka Modric was much more effective and on the ball than he was against the Swiss.

I blame the manager Joachim Low for trying to fix what wasn’t broken by making changes to his predecessor Jurgen Klinsmann’s starting line-up. He should have had Schweinsteiger starting at left midfielder from the beginning and had Podolski up front with Miroslav Klose. Mario Gomez, the guy he’s got up there now, clearly isn’t ready for prime time. Also, I don’t know why he saw fit to replace Arne Freidrich, his starting right fullback the entire World Cup ’06 with Janssen, who couldn’t mark my right testicle.

Thanks to their impressive performance the Croats have claimed Group B and will now rest people against Poland when coming in just about everyone thought that game would determine second place in the group. Croatia will face the winner of Turkey/Czech Republic in their quarterfinal and figure to be slight favorites against either one.

Germany, on the other hand, can’t really afford to take it easy against host Austria, knowing a loss would knock them out and a draw might not suffice if Poland wins by three against Croatia. They’ll have a set of eyes and ears on that other game and will look to be very unaccommodating to the Austrian fans, winning by at least two goals if not more.

Austria 1, Poland 1

I confess I didn’t watch very much of this game (do you blame me?). I had to miss it to cover practice for the San Jose Earthquakes, a side that makes the Austrian team look like Brazil.

Actually early on Poland was making them look like Brazil as well, minus the finishing. Forward Martin Harnik had two glorious chances on keeper Artur Boruc and Roland Linz had one as well, all before the first 20 minutes were up. It should’ve been 3-0 or at least 2-0. I couldn’t believe how dynamic and free flowing they looked.

Of course, in soccer whenever one team misses a certain goal it always comes right back to bite them in the can. Marek Saganowski darted around a defender on the right side in the 30^th minute, it deflected off a second guy, Emanuel Pogatetz, and right into the path of Roger Guerreiro (there are hot dogs that have been Polish longer than him) to slide in.

At that point, I had to leave and from all accounts I missed absolutely nothing, especially from the Austrians, until the 92^nd minute. That’s when Mariusz Lewandowski got called for a pretty weak shirt-tugging penalty against Sebastien Prodl and reserve Ivica Vastic rocketed one into the corner from the spot a moment later. Afterward, in a show of good sportsmanship, the Polish Prime Minister Donald Tusk opined that he wanted to murder Howard Webb, the English referee working the game.

Yes, it was the wrong decision, especially in light of all the penalties they haven’t called, but I’m not going to cry for Poland. Come on, they’re Poland. What non-Polish person roots for Poland to do anything? The only stereotype the whole country has is of being the home of millions of dimwits. That certainly sounds unflattering, so it’s better off they disappear so we don’t have to think of them at all. As they say, out of sight, out of mind.

Both these teams still have a shot to qualify into the quarters and become cannon fodder for Portugal. In theory, Poland has the best shot, because they’ll be playing a Croatian squad that’s resting all their guys. On the other hand, Austria has the better goal differential. If they can beat Germany by even one goal, they would need the Poles to beat Croatia by two. But if let’s say Austria wins 2-1 and Poland beats Croatia 2-0. In that case I have no idea what happens. Both teams would have a 1-1-1 record and 3 goals for, 3 against. So yeah, don’t ask me. I don’t know. Seriously, don’t ask me.

Group C:

Italy 1, Romania 1

Otherwise known as The Other Game People Are Bitching About the Refereeing. And it involves the Italians! Imagine that.

In a match far more free-flowing than I’d imagined, the surprising Romanians outplayed the defending World Cup Champion Azzurri for large stretches and would’ve beaten them outright if they converted a penalty in the 81^st minute. That they didn’t was perhaps a strong message from the footy gods that Norwegian ref Tom Henning Ovrebo and his linesmen erred badly in disallowing a 45^th minute goal for Luca Toni, calling an off-sides that never was. Afterward Italian Football Federation president Giancarlo Abete tried using “the whole game would’ve been different if we scored first” ploy, but that’s faulty logic. The goal Italy ended up giving up was so fluky and misplayed, it could’ve happened to them at any time, whether they were up five goals or down five goals. Grow a pair, Abate, excuses are for losers.

It’s not like Spurs fan claim they would’ve beaten the Lakers if Manu wasn’t inj- eh, bad example.

Well, at least we’ve never blamed the zebr- oh fuck it all, never mind.

Anyway, both teams had a few chances in this open game, even though Italy was enjoying the edge in possession, as one would expect. I thought their rookie manager, Roberto Donadoni showed his inexperience and his immaturity by making so many changes to his line-up after the first game. I’m telling you, I don’t think they played that bad against Holland. The first goal was a bad call and the other two were great counters. Their offense created chances but couldn’t finish. I don’t care if y’all think I’m insane, I’ve seen Italy play much worse than that at least a dozen times and win.

A couple changes I can understand, but Marco Materazzi is the most rugged centerback they have. Removing Gennaro Gattuso, the heart and soul of the team, is lunacy. Even Antonio De Natale was pretty decent last game, I thought. These were panic moves by the manager and I very much doubt he’s long for this job, especially if Italy flame out in the group stages.

Anyway, the way Romania scored was when Italian backliner Gianluca Zambrotta tried to nod the ball back to his keeper Gianluigi Buffon. Only he got way too little of it and it was stolen by the ambushing Adrian Mutu, who neatly tucked it by the startled Buffon. Of course, these being the cock-a-roach Italians, they tied things up before the Romanians had finished celebrating, with Alessandro Del Piero booting a corner from the left over to his fullback Giorgio Chiellini who headed it over to the far side of the post for his bookend Christian Panucci to knock home into (a theme developing here) an empty net.

After both sides knocked the ball around for a half hour, Mutu and Panucci turned from Cinderfellas into pumpkins. Panucci grabbed Daniel Niculae by the neck in the 80^th minute and brought him down for a penalty kick, with Mutu chosen to take it. He stepped up and got it off clean, but probably not as high as he wanted it and Buffon made the clutch save diving to his left. If Romania scored there, Italy’s tournament was over.

But he didn’t, and it isn’t. Italy can still advance for a quarterfinal date with the Spaniards if they can beat France and get some help from the Dutch, holding Romania to a draw at most. I very much doubt the Netherlands will be in a generous mood and they’ll be playing their “B” team against the Romanians, but they’re so challenged for goals it may not matter.

But yeah, it’ll probably matter.

Just a miserable showing here for Italy.

Netherlands 3, France 1

Meanwhile, speaking of disgraced champions, it’s time to discuss the French. Coming into the ’02 World Cup they were the defending Cup and Euro winners, and they left Japan/South Korea after the group stages and without having scored a goal. While they won’t repeat that dubious double here, it still doesn’t look very good for them to make it to the quarters either.

In fact, it doesn’t look good for anyone, because the Dutch are kicking royal ass.

Nobody had a tougher opening schedule; playing the two World Cup Finalists back to back is insane. And all the Netherlands did was beat them both by a combined 7-1. All predictions have to be revaluated and Holland have to be considered the favorites the rest of the way, playing the way they’re playing. Nobody mounts a more clinical counterattack, no goalie is playing as well as Edwin Van der Saar, and having the luxury to bring Robin Van Persie and Arjen Robben off the bench is just plain unfair.

Netherlands got the scoring started just ten minutes in with Dirk Kuyt outmuscling Florent Malouda and heading in for goal. It went back and forth for nearly 50 minutes after that, with a desperate France getting the better of it, but they were just miserable with their final touch, despite the creative and heroic efforts of Franck Ribery. The French definitely had the edge in speed and perhaps even ball skills, and they were very into the game, but all of their attackers, Thierry Henry, Sidney Govou, Malouda, and later Nicolas Anelka and Bafetimbi Gomis either wasted their ample chances or saw them parried by the ancient Van der Saar.

In the 59^th minute the Dutch struck again on the counter and you could see it coming. Ruud Van Nistelrooy had maybe the pass of the tournament, spinning on top of the ball and backheeling it behind him right before it crossed the touch line over to Robben on the run. He went off on a two-on-one break down the left side. He dished it off to a wide open Van Persie and even though he had the whole right side of the net to shoot at, he went left and was lucky to trickle it past the very average French goalie, Gregory Coupet.

Finally, ten minutes later Henry cashes in on his fourth or fifth bona fide great chance. Just a moment before Van Persie’s goal he should’ve tied the game. Malouda made an incredible bicycle pass over to him and he was one-on-one Van der Saar, and he oafishly chipped it way over the net. This time, after Willy Sagnol sent him through, he tried the less is more approach and just nicked the ball with his toe, changing its trajectory and tucking it inside the far post. 2-1 and still over 20 minutes to go, maybe France had a chance, no?

No. Not 30 seconds later Robben latched on to a long ball from Rafael Van der Vaart, again running down the left, only this time he was covered by two defenders, Lilian Thuram and William Gallas and had no room to pass. Really he had no room to do anything, but he kicked the ball hard as he could anyway and it ripped into the top shelf of Coupet’s near post, where he keeps the Kleenex and perhaps the Midol, and again in an instant France was back down two and out of the game. Wesley Sneijder bended a fourth goal in from the edge of box in the 90^th minute for good measure.

The Dutch lead the tournament with seven goals (from six different scorers) through two games and have already clinched “The Group of Death” a most unbelievable accomplishment. Now they partially hold the fate of Italy and France in their hands. If they try and compete, even with their backups, then one of these proud soccer superpowers will still have a chance. If the Dutch lay down for Romania though, that game won’t matter no matter what happens. I for one hope they play hard, because the footy gods will be watching and as with everything else good karma gets rewarded and bad karma gets punished.

Group D:

Spain 2, Sweden 1

And here we had another classic tale of two halves type of game. In the first 45 minutes, Spain pretty much scored on the one great chance they had, with my man Fernando Torres volleying home a cross in the 15^th minute from David Silva after the Iberians played a corner short. Besides that Sweden really controlled the flow and had all the chances, and they cashed in when my other man Zlatan Ibrahimovic deadened a long cross from right midfield from Fredrik Stoor (the same guy beaten on the Torres goal), held off Sergio Ramos nipping at his heels at the right edge of the goal and turned and shot into the far post in the 34^th minute.

It looked like a real game, and what’s more the goal seemed to energize Ibrahimovic who was moving around fairly slugglishly on the pitch for the first half hour.

The game turned though, on a non-call, of all things. Ramos tried to redeem his defensive lapse at the other end, as he often does. He did well to cross a ball into the box and it was heading straight for Silva, seemingly unmarked in the 45^th minute. But then Swedish forward Johan Elmander slammed into him from behind for what looked to be the most obvious slam dunk penalty of the tournament. Astonishingly referee Pieter Vink didn’t call a foul. To add insult to injury, he blew the half time whistle a minute later when Spain were on the attack and a change of possession hadn’t just occurred, something zebras don’t usually do at the end of halves or games.

Some teams might pout or whine about their missed fortune, but the awful calls seemed to galvanize Spain and they came out a lot more aggressively in the second half. The sight of Ibrahimovic on the bench with a sore knee no doubt strengthened their belief. They had all the good chances rest of the way, save for one, when grandpa Henrik Larsson would’ve had the easy tiebreaker for Sweden if he could’ve just caught up to a cross from Olof Mellberg. Spain’s best missed opportunity was in the 63^rd minute when Silva’s shot in the box was saved by keeper Andreas Isaakson, who then managed to get a piece of David Villa’s goalmouth rebound attempt as well (not to mention Villa’s knee getting a piece of him). Villa played that carom back to Torres, and while the net had no goalie occupying it, there were two defenders in the way and they blocked his hurried attempt on goal. If Torres was calm and cool enough to take two steps to his right and round these emergency goalies, it’d have been an easy goal.

It didn’t matter in the end though as again Villa, the Man of the Tournament thus far, saved his bacon. In the 92^nd minute he caught up to Joan Capdevilla’s long breakout pass on the left side, deftly tapped it inside the path of the off-balance Petter Hansson, and then slid it behind Isaakson’s far post before Mellberg could intervene from behind. Just a spectacular effort from him and far more difficult than any of three he scored on his hat trick against Russia.

Sweden lost, in shock.

Because of Villa’s miracle goal, Spain get to rest everyone against Greece, and will do so without the slightest bit of guilt or animosity from the footy gods (see why below). Their quarterfinal opponents could be any one of the trio of Italy, France or Romania, but the latter is the way to bet. Sweden on the other hand, will have to go full tilt to hold off the Russians and secure their date with the Dutch. They need at least a draw, so I’m guessing they’ll play super tight and keep Ibrahimovic on the bench as a reserve, bringing him in only as an emergency if they’re trailing and need a second half equalizer.

Russia 1, Greece 0

And like that, the defending champions are gone; eliminated as quickly as the math allows. With them disappeared a tidy little Euro ’08 streak of at least two goals in ten consecutive matches, and of course it had to end with the coma-inducing Greeks.

Actually, I shouldn’t pile on. They’ve been roundly criticized by pundits and analysts the world over for their over-defensive tactics and time-killing play in the back. Really, I thought some of the criticism was unfair. Against Sweden as unwatchable as the game was, the strategy was working for the first 65+ minutes. Greece looked like they were purposefully killing off the game to the frustration of everyone watching, but they did have almost all the chances before Ibrahimovic’s winner in the 67^th minute, Sweden’s first shot on goal of the match. Sweden actually had made a few careless turnovers up to then and the annoying Greeks damn near capitalized.

As miserable as it is to watch, their style works for them until they’re trailing. Then they’re in trouble, as we all saw.

In this game though, the scoreline may have read 1-0, but both teams had many opportunities and just lacked the ability to finish them off. I thought both keepers were quite good and all the forwards were piss poor. The difference in the game was that Greece’s keeper, Antonis Nikopolidis, in what is surely his last international game (we can only hope) made one humongous gaffe and his counterpart, Igor Akinfeev, did not. 

In the 33^rd minute Nikopolidis didn’t trust his defense and decided to chase down an over hit cross from his right side to the left from Diniyar Bilyanetdinov to Sergei Semak. Semak, perpendicular to the goal line and facing the wrong way, flipped it backwards over his head, and the Danson-like mug of Nikopolidis as well, and right in front of a grateful Konstatin Zurianov to tap home into (yup) an empty net.

After that, as I said, both sides came close multiple times. Greece’s best player was Giorgos Karagounis and he should’ve started instead of coming on as a sub in the 40^th minute. Their best chance came in the 87^th when Traianos Dellas played a through ball to emergency striker Sotorios Kyrgiakos, and after he collided with somebody, ’04 hero Angelos Charisteas put the rebound in. Alas, the play was ruled off-side, perhaps in error, by Italian ref Roberto Rosetti, whom I’m sure the Greeks would like to have stoned.

Rosetti? Stoned? Get it?

Ha.

Manolis didn’t laugh either, and neither did his old man, whose awfully colorful and descriptive running commentary during the game certainly added to the experience. The Greek strikers may not be much good at scoring, but according to ol’ Chris, they can do some amazing things anatomically that I’m not sure even David Villa can pull off.

Or would want to.

So now the Greeks are gone, still scoreless and masters of the all-or-nothing tournament experience. Their last major tourney before the ’04 Euros was the ’94 World Cup in the States, and they went 0-3 there, conceding ten and scoring none. They’ll get the chance to redeem themselves in the ’10 World Cup because trust me, they’re going to be in. Their qualifying group is a sham.

The Russians though are still very much alive in the here and now, poised to pull off another miracle for manager Guus Hiddink. Thanks to their negative goal differential they’ll have to beat Sweden to advance, but at least they control their own destiny and don’t need help. An early goal in that game would certainly make things interesting.

2^nd Games Starting XI: (with apologies to the Dutch)

G:  Artur Boruc – Poland. Austria doesn’t have the most fearsome attack, yet Boruc made more point blank saves than anyone. Turkey’s Volkan Demirel deserves a mention as well.

LD: Joan Capdevila – Spain. Assist on Villa’s game winner and Sweden didn’t test his side of the field much. Italy’s Christian Pannucci scored, but gave up a penalty too.

CD: Servet Cetin – Turkey. All bandaged up and hobbled, he was a lion in the back for the Turkish defense.

CD: Robert Kovac – Croatia. A rock in the middle against Germany who refused to give Klose or anyone else much room.

RD: Philipp Lahm – Germany. I still think he’s peerless. No one ever attacks his quadrant and he’s always looking to make something happen.

LM: Cristiano Ronaldo – Portugal. At this point, no room for debate.

CM: Deco – Portugal. Very artsy, very clever.

CM: Arda Turan – Turkey. Cheating a bit to put him in the middle, but he has to be somewhere.

RM: Darijo Srna – Croatia. Big first goal against Germany and helped created second. His only competition here is France’s Ribery.

LF: David Villa – Spain. Still the Euro frontrunner with four goals and two game winners.

RF: Fernando Torres – Spain. He created so many high quality chances for himself and was never hesitant to shoot. Could’ve had his own hat trick easy.

Hey everyone. Really too busy to post game recaps anymore and they weren't getting many responses anyway, but I thought I'd write a little something since everyone has now played a game.

Eight matches in and what have we learned?

The Netherlands are perhaps far more dangerous than we could have imagined and the Italians transition defense can be had.

Spain possesses the most dangerous, skillful and deep attack in Europe but still have their issues in the back.

Portugal and Germany are what we thought they were. Sadly, most of the lesser teams are what we thought they were as well.

France (as was the case in World Cup '02) are going to struggle mightily for goals without Zizou and hierry Henry.

Romania wasn't very interested in scoring and Greece's approach against Sweden was a disgrace, the epitome of every awful soccer stereotype and a classic example of why so many Americans are turned off by the sport.

France 0, Romania 0

With Zinedine Zidane retired, and Henry injured, (not to mention Patrick Vieira) Franced looked for goals from Nicolas Anelka and Karim Benzema and neither were up to the task on this day. They had a few chances, and both of them should've put at least one away, but I don't know if you can argue that they deserved to win. Their attack wasn't consistent enough and Frank Ribery was their only midfielder worth a crap.

Netherlands 3, Italy 0

I don't think Italy was nearly as bad as the scoreline indicates. On offense they had plenty of chances and missed out on scoring due to some stellar work from Dutch goalie Edwin Van der Saar and a whole lot of fucktardishness from Italian forward Luca Toni. Andrea Pirlo was as dangerous as ever on his free kicks and almost scored. Of all the teams that were shut out in their first game the Italians clearly showed the best attack and really it was better stuff than Croatia and the Czech Republic managed in wins as well.

They were done in by a early goal from Ruud van Nistelrooy that shouldn't have been allowed and two masterful counterattack strikes that were created mainly to the tireless Giovanni Van Bronckhorst. Dirk Kuyt assisted on both with headers, the first volleyed spectacularly by Wesley Sneijder and the second by Van Bronckhorst, whose defensive play started both breaks.

Spain 4, Russia 1

A hat trick for David Villa and he could've had five. That's how lethal Spain's offense was, continually carving up the Russians and finding wide open gaps in their back. Their midfield quartet of Xavi, Marcos Senna, David Silva, and Andrés Iniesta always had the ball and were pushing it hard upfield every change of possession. Spain has so much quality that they could afford to leave Xabi Alonso and Cesc Fábregas on the bench (though the latter shouldn't have been, he was stellar from the second he entered the game as a sub, assisting on the third goal and scoring the fourth).

The Russians had a few quality looks at goal and really could've scored three themselves, but were alternately hesitant, unsure and unlucky with their final touches. Spain's backline left much to be desired and I question how they'll fare against Italy or Holland in the quarters if they go on like this.

Sweden 2, Greece 0

A frustrating, atrocious show for the first two thirds. Greece's game plan seemed to be to make Sweden come out and press them so they could exploit the gaps left behind. Only the Swedes refused to take the bait and it was as if they were saying, "We know we're the more talented team, we're not going to do anything stupid, and we're going to make you dribble and pass it around us."

As a consequence Greece spent the majority of the game passing it back and forth among themselves in their own third, with no one in a yellow jersey around them, and had their own fans booing and the announcers groaning. It was a pathetic display.

Finally, in the 67th minute Sweden took the initiative and Zlatan Ibrahimovic broke out of his national team slump with a fantastic strike, set up on the one-two with Henrik Larsson. Give Ibrahimovic credit, he called his shot. He implored his coach to recall Larsson on the team and said that he would score if he played alongside the ancient forward, and he did. The second goal, five minutes later, was ugly and shouldn't have been allowed as I thought Petter Hansson fouled his marker before he even got his first shot off.

Your starting XI thus far

G: Edwin Van der Saar - Netherlands. Several good saves against an Italian side hellbent for goals.

LB: Giovanni Van Bronckhorst - Netherlands. A great clear off his line saved a goal and his subsequent run out and cross on the break created one. Scored the third on a header for good measure.

CB: Pepe - Portugal. Scored the game winner against the Turks and had another disallowed. Did a nice job keeping Nihat Kahveci at bay as well.

CB: Tomáš Ujfaluši - Czech Republic. The Czech captain patrolled his box and engaged in several seek-and-destroy missions battling the inspired Swiss.

RB: Philipp Lahm - Germany. His quadrant was never tested by the Poles while he was relentlessly taking on defenders down the right flank.

LM: Lukas Podolski - Germany. Cheating a bit here as he's really a forward, but Germany started him as a left midfielder against Poland. Podolski scored two goals where his only challenger for the spot, Portugal's Cristiano Ronaldo, could've bagged a pair himself.

CM: Xavi - Spain. One assist and a lot of dangerous other passes from the Iberian in their dismantling of the Russians.

CM: Rafael van der Vaart - Netherlands. Played a part in all three goals and constantly had the ball for the Dutch.

RM: Frank Ribery - France. So many candidates here. Clemens Fritz and Bastian Schweinsteiger of Germany both didn't play enough. Spain's Iniesta, Libor Sionko of the Czechs, Darijo Srna of the Croats and Wojciech Łobodziński of the Poles all merit consideration. In the end I went with Ribery as he was France's best player. He could've used The Wee Rapping Frenchman as a forward, for sure.

LF: David Villa - Spain. A hat trick, scoring one from the left, one from the middle and one from the right. What else can you say?

RF: Zlatan Ibrahimovic - Sweden. The game winning goal against the impregnable Greek defense and he almost had one earlier on a flick header. Every time he touches it, you think something will happen.

Today, I'm in the unenviable position of having to root for the Portuguese (if the Czechs win, Turkey is basically fucked) and have to pull for my homies to somehow, someway win a road game in Switzerland with seemingly their entire starting eleven injured. How we'll score on them, I have no idea.

 

Group D:

Greece: The only reason, I repeat the ONLY reason I hold any hope at all for my Turks is because an equally obscure side, the Greeks, won this tourney the last time it was held in '04. They didn't just win, they humiliated the host country, Portugal twice, beating them 2-1 to open the Euro Cup with a bang and then breaking their hearts in the stunning 1-0 final. Underdogs, such as Denmark in 1992, had won the trophy before, but nothing like this. The second time they ever qualified and they win the whole friggin' baklava. It might be the single greatest sports memory of Manoli's life.

Greece squeaked through to the knockout stages basically on the strength of that first win at Portugal, advancing with a 1-1-1 record thanks to goals scored. In the quarters they shocked then defending champions France (a Henry header off the post the only real chances for Les Bleus) and were heavy underdogs against the in-form Czechs in the semis. Despite having many scoring chances throughout the game, hitting posts, and missing on one-on-one situations with the Greek goalie, Ted Danson, the Czechs just couldn't put one in and were done in in the 105th minute. In the Final, one would've thought that the Portuguese, playing at home, would be all over them and really come out with an aggressive effort, but for whatever reason, maybe nerves, they were just flat. If they had any serious scoring chances in that one, I must have been taking a piss because I just don't remember any. All three of the games were 1-0, the lone goals scoring each time on corner kick headers.

Here's the Cup winning goal, by Angelos Charisteas. You'll noticed that after he scored he flipped his jersey over his head to reveal a shirt with a picture of a young boy; his son one would assume. Or it could've been some kid he was fucking. I can totally get away with saying that by the way, because it was Manoli's joke.

CHARISTEAS GOAL EURO 2004!!!!!!! (via pana722)

 

While Greece struggled to live up to expectations two years later, failing to qualify for the World Cup after being placed in a fairly tough group with Ukraine, Turkey and Denmark, they righted the ship in '08 breezed through their Euro qualifying group, finishing a spectacular 10-1-1. They suffered a humiliating 4-1 defeat at the hands of my homies early on, at home no less, and their fans and media really let them have it afterward. That game spurred Greece on to a closing 7-0-1 stretch and again they look to be an imposing side.

With them, it's all about defense. While longtime keeper Antonis Nikopolidis no longer capable of giving the team consistent performances, Kostas Chalkias might get the call if he lets in a softy. The centerback Sotirios Kyrgiakos is a steady performer but his sweeper partner, Dellas, a stud in '04, is a bit long in the tooth. Young left back Vasilis Torosidis has been a revelation, but the attacking right back Georgios Seitaridis is a bit gimpy. Dellas has the most critical role here and if he can't be the tackling, clearing, ball-winning machine he was four years ago, they're in trouble.

Technically, Greece play a 4-3-3, but it's more like a 3-1-1-4-1, with a lot of organized switching and covering for one another. Captain Angelos Basinas, in addition to delivering a good corner, is the defensive anchor of the midfield and an extension of Dellas in the middle. Kostas Katsouranis is responsible for the right flank while Giorgos Karagounis mans the left. Up front Theofanis Gekas is the central front man, and he led Greece with five goals in qualifying. He's pretty much the only forward who knows he's got a starting job. The other two spots will be up for grabs between Angelos Haristeas, Ioannis Amanatidis and of course Charisteas, the hero of Euro '04.

Both offensively and defensively Greece has naturally trudged closer to the mean. They possess the ball more and can score on the occasional build up these days instead of just set pieces and tallied a not-too-shabby 25 goals in qualifying. However the defense isn't the choreographed eleven man unit it used to be either as they conceded two goals in a game to the likes of Bosnia-Herzogovina and Norway in addition to the four goal outburst by the Turks some fifteen months ago. Recently, in a friendly against Hungary, they lost 3-2.  Greece's biggest strength, the element of surprise, won't be with them this time out and they'll bow out quietly with draws in their first two matches and a loss to Spain, probably thanks to a long range soft goal from Xavi or somebody.

 

Russia: Another side I know little of. They had some forward who scored five goals in a World Cup game against Cameroon in 1994, but I’m pretty sure he’s not on the team anymore. They made the Euros in ’04, and actually were the only team in the tournament to beat Greece (2-1 in the final group game after they had already been eliminated by losing the first two). So they have that going for them.

They didn’t make the ’06 World Cup and didn’t even finish in the top two of their qualifying group, looking up at mighty Slovakia. They were lucky as all hell to make Euro ’08, edging England by one point to finish second in their group, behind Croatia, and that was only because the Croats, despite having already clinched their spot, went all out in their final game to beat England 3-2 on the road. In their own personal dealings with Croatia, Russia tied them 0-0 twice, and that sounds just positively thrilling.

One thing they do have going for them is manager Guus Hiddink, a Dutchman who’s a god in world football, guided his home nation to the semi-finals in the ’98 World Cup and they lost to powerhouse Brazil on penalties. Then, to prove it wasn’t a fluke he duplicated the feat four years later with weakling South Korea (although, it has to be said, the referees gave them immense help in beating Italy and Spain in the second and third rounds). Korea made him an honorary citizen and named one of their World Cup stadiums, in the city of Gwangju, after him. In ’06 he was Australia’s head man, and again had immense success. First he got them to the World Cup by upsetting Uruguay in their two-team playoff, then he led them to second place behind Brazil and ahead of Japan and their bitter rivals, Croatia. Italy beat them in the round of 16, but only on a controversial stoppage time penalty kick given to Francesco Totti.

Now he has taken on another challenge in Russia, and already taking them to the Euros ahead of England has to be considered a major upset. Anything the Russians get from this point on is house money, but I certainly wouldn’t bet against Hiddink, who seems to instill defensive organization and unearth offensive flair from players that previous managers haven’t been able to reach. Being placed in a group that includes the ultra-talented Spain, the defending champions Greece and the always resilient Swedes sounds like certain doom, but second place could be up for grabs there.

As for their actual players, Hiddink won’t have his ideal eleven to manage. Their captain and best known striker, Andrei Arshavin, will miss the first two matches due to suspension. Another likely starter in the front, Pavel Pogrebnyak, has a bad knee and is off the roster. All that is left is Roman Pavlyuchenko, and he’ll have to be huge for them. From what I’m reading, Hiddink’s basic game plan will be to have three midfielders attempt to supply him, with Diniyar Bilyaletidinov doing so on through-balls up the middle, and Vladimir Bystrov and Yuri Zhirkov racing down the sidelines and delivering crosses. Besides that it will be strictly defense for the other six men on the pitch and they’ll wait to spring the counter if they can, like every other team. The back four are inconstant and in a state of constant flux in personnel, so young star goalie Igor Akinfeev.

Spain will be very fortunate to not catch Russia at their best and the match should springboard them onward in the tournament. Russia’s fate will depend on their second game with Greece, and that’s the wrong opponent to look at for goals. I don’t think there are any minnows in this competition for Hiddink to feast on like he gets in World Cups, so it will be very difficult for Hiddink to avoid last place, as goals have proven hard to come by so far in this tournament.

Spain: And now comes the part where I risk all my credibility and reputation. I picked the darkhorse Czech Republic to win the last World Cup and they didn’t make it out of the group stage. So naturally, I’m picking Spain, a side that has always had the talent but has chronically underachieved on the big stage to finally get it done. The definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing and expecting a different result, so clearly I’m insane.

Or stupid.

But I’m picking Spain to win it all. They look like the best team on paper. I like their forwards, I like their midfielders, I like their defense, I like their goalie. I even like their backups, and the coach, while possibly racist , is at least well experienced. What else is there?

The history and the intangibles, that’s what. And they both say to avoid the Iberians at all costs. Me, I’m going on a hunch. They’re due. They’ve got a good blend of youth and experience. They have the deepest team in the field. Their opening group is weak enough that I’m confident they’ll get to the knockout stages.

Most of all I fancy them because I think their striker, Fernando Torres, will be the breakout star of the tournament and the odds on favorite to win the Golden Boot as top scorer. Torres, who plays his club football for Liverpool, finished second to Cristiano Ronaldo in EPL goals with 24 and he’s got all the tools anyone would want from a striker; size, speed, a booming shot, the ability to use his head and his off foot, the ability to dribble and create for others, and most importantly, the ability to anticipate plays and possessing the nose for goals. With Thierry Henry on the decline, Torres might be the most complete finisher in the world.

Fernando Torres - First 25 goals in season 07-08 (via Ibrahidzan09)

What makes Torres especially dangerous however is all the surrounding talent willing and able to supply him the ball at a good rate and also finish themselves if the defense is too preoccupied with taking him away. Spain is so loaded that they may just play with just Torres up top and leave David Villa on the pine. He’s got Xavi, Inestia, Xabi Alonso, the tricky Cesc Fabregas, and David Silva. They’re all basically attacking central midfielders, some better passing, some better shooting, but manager Luis Aragones is basically throwing all his best midfielders out on the pitch and telling them to dominate the middle of the field, both horizontally and vertically. Seriously, they’re going to wear the middle third out with all their tight occupation and hard cutting and short passing. All the wide play will come from fullbacks Joan Capdevila on the left side and Sergio Ramos (who might be the best attacking fullback of them all) on the right. If he wants to play strictly positional football, Aragones has true right and left wings on the roster, but the play will probably be to play the best eleven guys and see what happens.

My concern with them is defense. Ramos likes to charge up too much and he might leave gaps behind on the counter. I like their centerback Carlos Puyol, but don’t know much about the other two guys. Iker Casillas is a money goalie, but I’d the few chances he’ll face might be good ones. He’ll have to make at least one highlight save per match. It says here he’s up to the task.

It’s not that I’m in love with Spain. I’m not. I don’t like them as a fan any more than Italy, Germany, Greece, or the Netherlands. I just think they have more quality players and less weaknesses than everyone else. On paper they’re trophy worthy. On paper. But we’ve been down this road many times with them and it’s getting old. Shit or get off the pot. I expect Spain to poop all over everyone, starting with Russia tomorrow. After them will come Sweden, Greece, Holland, Italy, and Germany. No easy road, that. But it’s a perfect example of why, in many ways, this tournament is more compelling than the World Cup.

Sweden:  And here's the other side of the paper argument. On paper, Sweden really don't have a whole lot going for them. They have the worst manager in the group. It's not even debatable. Their best midfielder and captain Freddie Ljungberg has a broken rib and if he plays, he'll definitely be limeted. Their best holding midfielder Tobias Linderoth and their left back Erik Edman will be out. They might be relying on a 36 year-old Henrik Larsson at forward. Goaltending is a big mess.

But here's the thing. Sweden never disappoint you. They always advance to the second round. They always beat the teams they're supposed to beat, lose to the ones they're supposed to lose to, and draw the ones where nobody's sure. Am I thrilled about their midfield? Of course not. They're boring as piss and and not very speedy. But you can't worry about the little things with them because in the big picture sense they always follow the script. I can't see them giving up three points to Greece or Russia, just like I can't see them bag all three from Spain. Sweden will make it out of the group stage, lose quickly and quietly to Italy in round two, and nobody will remember them five minutes later, like a pleasant romantic comedy with Patrick Dempsey.

The only thing interesting about them in the slightest is that Zlatan Ibrahimovic plays for them, and he is probably the closest active player to Bergkamp in his prime, albeit a lot more abrasive and impetuous. While Ibrahimovic had a great season for his club, Inter Milan, he has been invisible for country, getting suspended by his coach for one game and protesting out of  two others. The qualification games he did play, he scored no goals. This coming on the heel of a goalless '06 World Cup. The debate about Zlatan rages on. Is he a guy who scores great goals or is he a great goal scorer? While the issue I think has been mostly settled for the guy who signs his checks in Italy, the fans in Sweden must be getting impatient.

Still, his dribbling ability and ball skills in tight spaces are undeniable.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic is Magic (best football player) (via Giggs29400)

 

Group C:

France: Les Bleus, otherwise known as "Ten Black Guys and a Gypsy Carney", are in desperate need of a transition phase, only like our Spurs, they're in a deep state of denial. You simply don't lose a player of Zizou's stature and carry on unscathed. Ze French are looking at gimpy midfielder Patrick Vieira to take over their leadership role and Franck Ribery (whose face is not made for HD TV) is being hyped heavily to provide the creativity and flare that Zidane gave them for so long. The flaw in their rationale is that Ribery is more of a wing player and can never hold the ball as well and consistently as Zidane could from the middle and Vieira, a guy I've always felt was a bit overrated, is too stoic to lead anyone.

Not only is Zidane history, but so is keeper Fabian Barthez, so the team will have to put their fate in the hands of untested Gregory Coupet, a 35 year-old who's been a career bridesmaid on the international tournament stage. Supporting him in the back will be Willy Sagnol, Eric Abidal, William Gallas and the ancient Lilian Thuram, all stalwarts for the likes of Barcelona, Bayern Munich, and Arsenal. Patrice Evra of Manchester United is around as well in case Thuram decomposes before our eyes.

Vieira and Claude Makalele are both mainly defensive central midfielders so nearly all the supply to the forwards has to come on counters or from Ribery and left midfielder Florent Malouda, who, to paraphrase Shania Twain, has never impressed me much. When the team goes to 4-5-1 instead of 4-4-2, in comes Sidney Govou. Whee.

Even up front Thierry Henry is getting a bit long in the tooth and has never formed much of a partnership with Nicolas Anelka, the other likely starting forward. Anelka's claim to fame is missing a penno for Chelsea in the Champions League Final to give the trophy to Man U. Really 4-5-1 makes more sense for them, but one option is youngster Karim Benzema, who had a big year for Lyon and who has drawn the natural comparisons to Zizou for their shared Algerian heritage.

Ultimately though, there is no replacing Zidane. Not so soon. Despite the lofty projections from the experts, I think Les Bleus will suffer a bit of a letdown in their "Group of Death" that has them having to navigate through Italy, Romania, and The Netherlands. The team was lucky to qualify for the tournament, narrowly edging Scotland despite losing to them twice. Their luck will run out here and they'll finish a surprising last in their group.

Please, one last time, lets remember Zidane for his brilliance and not for the headbutt. He was one of the top five or ten footballers of all time and easily the best since Maradona. This Youtube compilation is particularly well done, I think.

Best Player Ever Zinédine Zidane (via 86zidane)

Italy: The world calls them Azzurri (same with the French nickname, it simply means their je