Warriors Sign Chris Webber to Play "All-Time Goalie"

by sungo on Jan 28, 2008 11:22 PM CST in News Comment 3 comments

The Golden State Warriors have signed Chris Webber to play "all-time goalie." Don Nelson plans to immediately put him in net to get him in shape in time for the playoffs.

Webber did not shy away from tough topics during Tuesday's press conference:

"Now I know playing goalie requires quick lateral movement, and Lord knows my knees haven't allowed to me to shuffle my feet since 2002. But I got it figured out. I'm gonna stand sideways, that way I just have to run forwards or backwards! And lemme tell you, I can backpedal like a motherfucker!"

He also admitted that he'll have to adjust his game:

"I'm most worried about set pieces, especially with that new British fella in the league. Mine curves to the left, too, but apparently Beckham's is out of control. I'm surprised because he's, umm, nevermind."

Don Nelson had tough words for a reporter who asked him what he planned to do on offense:

We'll of course use a ghost runner on all possessions. Jesus, it's standard procedure, really. Who let this fucknut in here anyway?

The Warriors let go Tony Meola in order to make room for Webber on the roster. When reached for comment he seemed baffled, saying "I've been retired for like six years now, bro."

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Really?

Chris Webber is going to be playing for Don Nelson and the Golden State Warriors? I see absolutely nothing that can go wrong with this.

Liston

by Liston on Jan 29, 2008 1:26 PM CST reply actions 0 recs

Game Thread # 43 -- at Seattle

Spurs 102
Sonics 94

by 4Him on Jan 29, 2008 5:21 PM CST reply actions 0 recs

Re: Warriors Sign Chris Webber

That might have been the greatest demented post from Matthew ever. He referenced like four different sports in five sentences.

I'm delighted Webber is coming aboard. That means no Warriors in the playoffs and I made a $20 bet with this guy at the beginning of the season that they wouldn't win 45 games and I was worried.

Warriors, Blazers out; Jazz, Rockets in.