Why don't rappers choose Tim Duncan as their muse?

Jay-Z could write this so easy - Travis Hale

If you were to map out the intersection between the NBA and the world of hip-hop with a venn diagram, the area inside the two circles would be massive. Rappers make millions dropping names of NBA stars in their lyrics. Why not cash in on Tim Duncan?

The art of songwriting has always intrigued me.

To be able to sit down with an idea and a beat (or a guitar, or a piano, or any instrument) and construct a song out of whole cloth is something pure and remarkable. It's true art and it deserves respect, regardless of the genre.

This morning I went for a run and was chased by a little chihuahua. After surviving that scary ordeal I started to think about how I could make a difference in this world, in case I don't get away from the chihuahua next time. Jay-Z was rapping on Pandora and I started thinking about how he puts a song together. I noticed that Jay-Z, and many of the artists that play through my headphones, include NBA players in their lyrics. I racked my brain to try and remember ever hearing Tim Duncan mentioned in a song, but couldn't recall one.

So I knew what I had to do. Before that chihuahua finds me, I have to find a way to get Timmy included in more rap songs. Sure, there are more noble things to champion, but noble is for sissies. I wasn't able to convince many that Timmy deserved a spot in the All-Star Game, so maybe we'll get some traction with this campaign.

But first, a little history. I came across this site that's done a fantastic job of chronicling every rap song in history that mentions an NBA player.

Sure the biggest basketball stars often have their names dropped. Sometimes, even when it doesn't really make sense.

I am champion at beer pong
Allen Iverson, Hakeem Olajuwon

Asher Roth
"I Love College"

I'm like Clyde and I'm rockin' steady

Beastie Boys
Check Your Head

Sometimes, it's just plain funny.

If you block the cash, we lockin' ass

I'ma put it in your chest like a Stockton pass

Big Daddy Kane
"Platinum Plus"
The Big Picture (Big L)

Put 7 in your chest if you owe dem checks
And I ain't talking 'bout the Clippers, leave your jersey a mess
I'm a veteran, respect me, my basic spit
Make these young playas better, like Jason Kidd
And if I'm gettin' paper
It's 'cause I'm rippin' flavor
I'm nice around the mic like the Wizards players

C. Rayz Walz
"Buck 80″
Ravipops (The Substance)

This ain't Penny Hardaway or Kareem Abdul
It's Coolio in the house but you can call me cool

Coolio
"It's All the Way Live (Now)"

And sometimes it's straight poetry

Crabs in the bucket, dirty 11:00 to 1:00

Without the struggle prolly never woulda heard of LeBron

Flo Rida
"All My Life"
Mail on Sunday

We hit makers with acres
Roll shakers in Vegas, you can't break us
Lost chips on Lakers, gassed off Shaq
Country house, tennis courts on horseback

Notorious BIG
"I Love the Dough"
Life After Death (Disc 2)

Some guys get really romantic.

I'm shiny star spanglin, ding-a-ling danglin

Luda the sheet swisha, broke the record of Wilt Chamberlain

Ludacris
"Trill Represent Trill"
Trill (Bun B)

Larry's Bird flew out of Nicholas' Cage

GZA
"Fame"
Legend of the Liquid Sword

LeBron and Kobe and D Wade naturally get quite a bit of play, but I was surprised to see how many other, lesser known stars have been immortalized in song. It's just plain wrong. I only found one reference to Timmy and it didn't even make sense.

Any Tim Duncan spur of the moment

Let the whole world know I run $#!^

Asher Roth
"Lark on my Go-Kart"
Asleep in the Bread Aisle

This wrong has to be righted. I implore Jay-Z and Kanye to start including Tim Duncan in their song lyrics and the rest of the hip hop world will follow suit. Below you will find some simple suggestions from me, but any additional recommendations are welcomed. We can make the world a better place if rappers start to rap about Tim Duncan.

First, they'll need to get a good sample to base the Duncan songs on. I suggest Wang Dang Sweet Poontang from Ted Nugent.


Then I propose a combination of the following lyrics. Of course Jay-Z and Kanye are much more talented than me when it comes to selling millions of records, but this seems to be a good starting point.

Grew up hard like Russian

on the streets

teacher always yellin' bout my cussin'

me lost in my beats

she say you nothin' but a flunkin'

told her

I'm comin' atcha like Duncan

Chorus

Throw some Timmy on that __

Throw some Timmy on that __

Throw some Timmy on that __

Livin' life on top now

Poppin' Goose in London

Haterz won't keep me down

Stretchin' my pecs like Duncan

on the rim

hangin' like Tim

lookin' at Big Ben

D Howard ain't got __ on him

Chorus

Throw some Timmy on that __

Throw some Timmy on that __

Throw some Timmy on that __

Eminem solo

GET SO ANGRY

MY MOM AND HIM

THE WALLS ARE CLOSIN' IN

LIKE KG GETTIN' OWNED BY TIM

I AM THE ONE

I'LL BE THE ONE

NO ONE KNOWS THE ONE

LIKE 21

MAKIN' SHAQ LOOK DUMB

(faster now)

I HATE YOU

YOU HATE ME

ONLY CALM I SEE

COME FROM TIMMY

DON'T BE MAD KOBE YOU DON'T KNOW ME

BEEN TURNIN' FOOLS OUT

SINCE TIMMY OWNED JERSEY

Chorus

Throw some Timmy on that __

Throw some Timmy on that __

Throw some Timmy on that __

Nicki Minaj solo

Got my kicks, they white

Boys say Nicki you tight

I say I always get my man

like a flat shot from Duncan

Chorus

Throw some Timmy on that __

Throw some Timmy on that __

Throw some Timmy on that __

Now the end is comin'

No Kobe No KD

No LeBron

It's just Duncan

But this is only the beginning. We could come up with thousands of raps about Timmy. And in the interest of making the world a better place, I created a petition that I plan on hand delivering to Jay-Z or Kanye to show them the mistakes they've made by forgetting about our Timmy.

So make a difference today. Before that little chihuahua gets us all.

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