You just have to be your evil self: An interview with Twitter's Pelican Pierre

He'll eat your kids, he don't care. - Derick E. Hingle-USA TODAY Sport

He's quickly become one of the most talked about mascots in the NBA. Perhaps its his ability to terrify young children, or his penchant for good whiskey, but Pierre the Pelican is becoming a household name. While our love for the Coyote will never waiver, it was great to get Pierre's thoughts on things.

Luck plays a huge part in everything. Pelican Pierre and I happened to send a similar "Omaha" tweet during the Broncos-Patriots game on Sunday. That spurred a conversation on Twitter, which led to this interview.

Now I've had a pretty good string of interviews recently - both my 4 year-old son and Kliff Kingsbury -- but this exchange takes the cake.

* * *

Travis: First, thanks so much for taking time out of your busy schedule of scaring small children to answer a few questions for us. I want to get the serious questions out of the way and then have some fun. So you get to watch young guys like Anthony Davis, Eric Gordon and Tyreke Evans every night. What is your favorite memory from a game so far this season?

Pierre: There's no one favorite moment, it's been fun watching the young guys grow. But young players are like young children, sometimes they need praise and sometimes they need motivation. I would like to take some credit for Anthony Davis's growth after one of the first games of the season where I grabbed his unibrow in my beak and told him I would rip it out hair by hair if he kept letting John Wall drive to the basket. Now we are talking about him as DPOY.

Travis: What is the most difficult stunt or game-time bit that you perform?

Sometimes you're tired or hung over and don't really want to get up for the halftime human sacrifice sponsored by Home Depot. -Pierre the Pelican

Pierre: Firing the T-shirt cannon without opposable thumbs is always hard, but the hardest thing is keeping up the same enthusiasm for every single home game. Sometimes you're tired or hung over and don't really want to get up for the halftime human sacrifice sponsored by Home Depot. But then I think to myself, somewhere out there is a little boy or girl attending their first ever Pelicans game and damn it if I'm not gonna show them the best human sacrifice they will ever see.

Travis: So, to stay on the topic of T-shirt cannons. Are you aware of any underground black market T-shirt cannons for sale? Asking for a friend.

Pierre: Riiiight. "T-shirt" cannons. Wink. I got you.

Travis: So you've quickly developed a reputation as a pretty scary mascot. Phrases like "nightmare inducing" and "creepy" and "OMG HE'S GONNA EAT ME" are thrown around when your name comes up. They say any publicity is good publicity, but do you ever go home to your nest and cry yourself to sleep in your little nest pillow?

Pierre: It's funny because at first people were complaining that what kind of name is the Pelicans, they wanted something intimidating. So when I show up and scare the pants off them they complain again. I learnt you can't try to please every man, woman, and avian. You just have to be your evil self. I'm proud of the reputation I built up. I feel like it adds to the intimidation factor when opposing players come in. Having to worry about me swooping in and taking a bite out of them makes shooting a free throw extra difficult.

Travis: Along those lines, former Spurs great and current Spurs broadcaster Sean Elliott calls you "Evil Tweety." Any special message that you'd like me to pass along to Sean?

Pierre: Evil Tweety? That's pretty insulting. I'm gonna call DeMarcus Cousins and see if he wants to come with me and have a word with Sean Elliot.

Travis: So here's a hypothetical. I asked a variation of this to country singer Josh Abbott and want to ask you. Say you've had a long day and just want to unwind with a few mascot friends at your favorite watering hole. You've been there for a while when in strolls the San Diego Chicken and the Phillie Phanatic. You keep your distance, but they're over there getting rowdy and talking about "baseball is America's past-time" and making fun of you in a Harry Caray voice saying stuff like "HEAY, Pierre, you Pelakin this BUD'S for you. Hot Dogs." (and then they flip you the bird).

So when you go over to start the bar fight -- and I mean, this is gonna be an epic bar fight with mascots sliding across the bar and smashing mugs of beer -- but you can only take one mascot with you. Stuff the Magic Dragon and Hip Hop are over in the corner drinking appletinis so they're no help. You can either take Oklahoma City's Rumble the Bison, the Phoenix Gorilla, or the Spurs Coyote because he has freakish old man strength. Who do you take and how do you see the fight playing out?

Pierre: Well I definitely wouldn't take Slamson as you can see from this article.

I think I'll take Spurs Coyote with me. Pelicans don't have a good sense of smell so his old man smell would only bother the other mascots. Plus Coyotes have been known to feast on carrion and lets face it that's all that would be left of the San Diego BBQ chicken and that weird green mascot.

Travis: Living in New Orleans you probably run across Emeril. Do you party with him or do you keep away because you feel like when he looks at you he's imagining what side dishes you'd pair up with?

The amount of times he got drunk and I had to "Flock Block" him so he didn't take home a guy dressed in girls clothes is too much to count on one wing. -Pierre the Pelican on Anthony Davis

Pierre: Emeril is fun to party with but I make sure he approves his outfit with me before hand. You should see his weird taste in clothes. But he's a lot better to party with than Anthony Davis. The amount of times he got drunk and I had to "Flock Block" him so he didn't take home a guy dressed in girls clothes is too much to count on one wing.

Travis: Let's talk a little about LeBron James. Isn't he the worst?

Pierre: I have nothing but love for LeBron ever since he offered to pay me to take a Pelican Poop on his head to cover up his bald spot. The new LeBron hairstyle is going to be debuted next time I'm in Miami.

Travis: Quick, Big Bird or Larry Bird?

Pierre: I'm tempted to say Big Bird as people don't know this, but Big Bird is my biological mother. But since she did Meth for most of the pregnancy I'm gonna have to go with Larry Legend on this one.

Travis: What do you do in your spare time when you're not terrifying people?

When I'm not manning the gates of Hades, I am usually out drinking. Pierre likes his whiskey. -Pierre the Pelican on hobbies

Pierre: When I'm not manning the gates of Hades, I am usually out drinking. Pierre likes his whiskey.

Travis: On a scale of 1-10, how scary is Gregg Popovich?

Pierre: Lets just say Gregg Popovich giving an in game interview is worthy of the hashtag #ThingsScarierThanPierre

Travis: How many pounds of crawfish can you eat in one sitting?

Pierre: The equivalent of two grown NBA players worth. (Or 2/3rds of Eddy Curry)

Travis: Thanks again for spending some time with us. Any final thoughts that you'd like to haunt NBA fans with?

Pierre: I promise that if you vote me into the All Star Game I will eat Dwight Howard!!

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So there you have it. Definitely the most fun I've had doing an interview. To paraphrase Jim Rome, "Nice work Pierre, that was epic. Nice job."

Many thanks Pierre. Follow him @PelicanPierre if you aren't already. He's always entertaining.

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