FanPost

A Four Year-Old Assesses the San Antonio Spurs

Thousands of analysts and journalists and professional prognosticators fill the airwaves and webpages daily with their comments, reviews and predictions. I'm convinced that a young new voice can accurately predict the Spurs future. I just have to break his code.

And yes this young new voice happens to be my son.

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SARR: Thanks for taking time to chat with me today. It really worked out well since you're home sick and I had to take my 849th day off to stay home with one of you. Do you kids know anything about the spread of germs?

Never mind, scratch that. My apologies. Here's some chocolate milk. Let's jump right in.

So the Spurs are 31-9 through their first 40 games. Does anything about that surprise you?

Little Mamba: Yes. Four, seven.

SARR: What? I'm not sure I follow. I really need you to explain the four/seven stuff because quite frankly, it makes no sense. I'm trying to find out your thoughts on the Spurs winning 31 games and you're over there spouting numbers. Are you talking about Andrei Kirilenko again? I told you the Spurs didn't sign him. We have to move on from that.

Little Mamba: Because I want to draw it.

SARR: Draw what? Are you drawing plays? Are trying to find some sets to get Kawhi Leonard the ball in open space? Because some people have expressed concern since Kawhi hasn't become the superstar on offense that many expected yet. Any thoughts on Kawhi?

Little Mamba: Cool. I drawed it. I ask Ms. Becky to draw a dinosaur because I don't know how to draw it.

SARR: Ms. Becky can draw plays? Can Ms. Becky get Kawhi some easy looks? Who's the dinosaur? Are you talking about Boris Diaw? What is the significance of the dinosaur? Is CeeLo Green coming to town?

Little Mamba: I love my pajamas and my clothes. Why did you throw away my dinosaur picture?

SARR: Ok, I can understand that. So you're saying that everyone should relax? Kawhi will fall into a comfortable rhythm, just like you when you put on your favorite PJ's? Got it. Or is there something else there? And I can't keep all the dinosaur pictures that you make your teachers draw for me. That's just weird. Unless Ms. Becky can teach Danny Green to finish. Can Ms. Becky teach Danny Green to finish?

Never mind. Let's move on.

So when you're making a mess in the living room and causing havoc shooting basketballs at your little Fisher Price goal and basically terrorizing your little brother and the entire fami...

Little Mamba: (interrupting) Yesterday when I was so far away I shoot it so far.

SARR: Yes, I remember that. Every time you shoot you yell "MAKE IT RAIN!" Do you remember where you heard that first? Are you saying that the Spurs will see some significant improvements in their 3-point shooting?

Also, please leave the questions to me. I'm asking the questions and you answer, ok?

Little Mamba: Remember, I was three, we say MAKE IT RAIN (in a deep, robotic voice). What's your favorite thing to wear? Do you like pants? MAKE IT RAIN. I like robots. Where's mommy?

SARR: Please. I can't keep up. Mommy is at work. Please concentrate, this is important. Let's talk a little about some of the other teams in the Western Conference. Who are you more worried about, the Thunder or the Houston Rockets?

Little Mamba: Houston. BOMBS AWAY (jumps off coffee table)

SARR: Stop jumping off the coffee table. We're gonna get in trouble. So you think the Rockets' 3-point attack will be in effect? That's where you were going with that, right?

Little Mamba: Because that's so scary. Can I have a waffle?

SARR: We're out of waffles, remember you ate all of them this morning. I guess Houston could be scary but what about Kevin Durant. He scored 54 last night. Does that scare you?

Little Mamba: Yes. Is he scary? How you sing ring around the rosies? I CAN'T SING RING AROUND THE ROSIES. Where's the waffle box? Show me the box.

SARR: He can be if he gets on a roll, and it's "pocket full" not "pop goes the weasel." That's where you always get off track.

If you'll just let the song flow, you know? "Ring around the rosies, pocket full of posies"... see how that flows?

You trip over "Ring around the rosies, pop goes the weasel." It just doesn't flow.

Here's the empty box. Look at it. LOOK AT IT.

Little Mamba: Look, this is Hulk Smash. He smash everything. HULK SMASHED EVERYTHING

SARR: So you're saying Hulk Smash could be the Spurs, just smashing through the league? That would be awesome. The Spurs will Hulk Smash OKC and everybody else. Or does Hulk Smash mean something else?

Why do you keep singing "Pop Goes the Weasel?" Are you talking about Pop and Spoelstra?

Little Mamba: Uh, I was talking to you, not your notes.

SARR: Apologies, but you knew that everything is on the record here. I'm running with the Spurs Hulk Smash. It might get more page views.

Little Mamba: (disgusted) Ok. Where's mommy? MAKE IT RAIN WEASELS. CRAP NUGGETS. Yesterday when it was Halloween it was my favorite.

SARR: Wait, crap nuggets? Where did you get that? What? You really shouldn't talk like.

Do you think Manu Ginobili will have his legs when the Spurs need him most during the playoffs?

Little Mamba: Yes because he's so big his legs will be on him. People.

SARR: Oh man, that's great to hear. I'm with you. I think he will have legs next summer and there will be people.

So what games are you most looking forward to during the 2nd half of the season, to get a real sense of where the Spurs stand heading into the playoffs?

Little Mamba: Playing with my sister and my baby.

SARR: Wait, what? What about the Miami Heat?

Little Mamba: Who?

SARR: MY BOY! (fist bumps)

But do you really think the Spurs can make another run for a championship?

Little Mamba: Sure. (whispers) Remember halloween?

SARR: Yes! Halloween was your favorite day ever, so you're telling me that my Halloween will come in late June? I'm so on top of this.

But, just to confirm, please answer yes or no. Will the Spurs make another run?

Little Mamba: My best friend Eduardo slobbers every day.

SARR: Wow, that's great. I guess you're saying we should take things one day at a time and try not to slobber and we'll be in a good spot? Just nod. Are you following me?

I'm exhausted.

Little Mamba: Can I watch anudder Power Rangers?

SARR: Sure.

Little Mamba: I drawed this. What's your favorite to drive?

SARR: This interview is over.

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