FanPost

Heart of a Dark Fan, Psycho Processes of the Playoffs and More




Congratulations Everyone! for being a Spur fan (of course), for however long you've been so. This is only my second week as a Spur fan and I'm feeling like a fancy 99$ bottle-rocket (buy one get several oohs and ahhs free) with a slow burning fuse.

Well, actually, I've been Spur fan since the early days of boyhood when our tribe became consistent winners on the deck of the Admiral's ship. But, as we all know, fan-hood has its ups and gutters and some weird feelings in between. As an adult, with lessons learned from various heartbreaking series through the years (a la Houston and the Nightmare, Lakers and so on) while growing up, I've learned when to go batty emo, let them fly high and explode, and when to stuff them into a jar labeled un-awesome sauce and put in the fridge to keep from spoiling.

Series One didn't quite light the fuse for me. Of course, the media was gonna talk up LA (can we say Fakers on here?) and discount SA. Even though our Black and White Ballers took care of biz without much to do, it wasn't the Spurs of February / early March; the ones that gave me giddy glimpses of an irate Westbrook and a dejected Durant to-be in the heart-throb rematch I thought destiny had scheduled for the end of May. I needed to see that team for me to open up my guarded, darkened heart and let the light of faith and hope shine in. Either way, somewhat jaded hope prevailed as we continued to trend our performance upward and this supportive community here helped me enjoy and entrench my subjective self-righteousness more and more, little by little.

Then Series Two started off and my head didn't stop shaking or my jaw unclinch until Game 5. Games 1 and 2 seemed to vindicate my cynicism, just like that x-girlfriend who drove me into the ground those years ago. No Sir, hope of glory was for fools, Spur Glory was finished and our clan outdated. Game 1 was just a fluke, destiny's short-lived rebuke to some other, younger, media favored team with a greater foothold in the spotlight of the future. I was starting to emotionally divest. Last year, up 2-0 in the WCF, I disarmed my always-packin' cynicism and believed, I stared into the sun. But I, like you, was thoroughly devastated and my eyes turned into hamburger meat. My housemate and good friend, not much of a sport fan, couldn't understand why I didn't want to talk for a week and was foul about it when forced. A few months later some dynamite girl did him in and I was then able to make a clearer explanation for him. Anyway, I wasn't gonna let my heart sing just to have some other scrub snuff it out. Fuck it, I'll content myself with my slow growing veggies, work, consumption, cooking, exercise, summer plans, social hours and maybe some WNBA action. No Spurs glory this year, and prolly not for a long time to come. All is bad, but that is just the way it is, accept and stop caring about the NBA. "Owner of a lonely heart, much better than the owner of a broken heart".

But we got through. and by Game 6 I thought I had seen a considerable jump in collective performance, just a notch or two under that mid-season awesomeness. Would that trajectory continue? Memphis was really good. Could we ramp it up more? Did our guys themselves believe? I mean, really believe? And what about us out here, did we really believe or just wanna believe cuz we are supposed to? Most over-credentialed under-insightful sports pundits picked Memphis. Nevermind them, DEI (direct emotional investment) started to flow the other way and gather momentum.

Game 1 boded well. The performance seemed so tight. Analysis seemed to indicate that Silver and Black were back - back to a championship form. But hardened darkness and expect-the-worst psychology isn't easily defeated. We needed to sustain that, could we? Game 2 boded yet better. But I wasn't trusting 2-0 this time, fool me once bla bla. But fellas, friends, my virtual tribe, Game 3 lifted my petty heart and has lit the fuse. Maybe Game 4 will be their save-face and let's us close out on home court for the better sake of fan pleasure and city felicity. But I Believe now. Bring it LeBron, BRING IT!!

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