FanPost

Stupid Power Rankings: The Best Uniforms (besides the Spurs)


If there's one thing NBA fans can't get enough of, it's a Power Ranking. For those of you who don't know, a Power Ranking is an attempt to answer the question "Who's the best?" when the answer isn't always self-evident. You see, it's kind of pointless to have a Power Ranking once the playoffs are done since we know who the best team is. For those of you who do know what a Power Ranking is, you're probably shaking your fists at the gods and screaming "Why must there be a FanPost section?"

For those of you who do know what a Power Ranking is and don't mind, well, you're going to hate this one. I have, for reasons of personal bias, excluded the Spurs from the discussion. What's more, this Power Ranking is even more stupid than most - it's about NBA uniforms. (Long story short, I really like crap like uniforms and logos and color schemes) To make things even worse, there was no intellectual rigor involved here. I have absolutely no expertise on things like this.

For those of you who don't know and don't mind but do care...ahhh, enough setup. Here's the clip.

Anyway...counting down from 29 to 1:

THE GODAWFUL

29. Charlotte Bobcats - There isn't a shred of originality in these uniforms.

28. Denver Nuggets - If I get a hold of the moron(s) who designed these and gave us this color scheme, I will beat them down with extreme prejudice. And Kathryn Bigelow will make a movie about it.

27. Cleveland Cavaliers - I get it, Dan Gilbert. LeBron murdered your franchise. Does that mean you had to kill off your best franchise identity ever? The colors were great. The design was very good. The wordmark wasn't horrible. Look at what we have now! I've seen better high school jerseys.

26. Utah Jazz - Semi-retro doesn't always work. I haven't liked any of their identities, though their mid-90's "Mountain" set was their best.

25. Los Angeles Lakers - I can assure you, my personal bias is not affecting this ranking - I just think purple and yellow-gold look like hell together. If the Lakers wore their home whites all the time and gold on the road, they'd rank higher on my list.

24. Orlando Magic - Their identity was usually one of the strongest until their current set. The blue is darker and duller than it used to be. The wordmark is terrible. The overall design is putrid. The 04-08 was their best set.

THE LESS-THAN-DESIRABLE (featuring a bunch of Red-White-Blue teams)

23. Oklahoma City Thunder - Everything about the OKC identity is a safe, boring, nothing. I like their alternates more than their regular unis - and I hate their alternates. But at least they're different.

22. New York Knicks - Solid and classic design, but I actually miss the black trim. This counts as sacrilege among people who care about this sort of thing much more than I do.

21. Memphis Grizzlies - Good design, solid logos, but THREE blues, Memphis? Really?

20. Minnesota Timberwolves - The franchise most in need of an update. And could they please use green roadies instead of blue? Why must every friggin' team wear blue?

Here's the count if you're curious (including the Spurs for the moment):

Blue 14
Red 7
Black 4
Purple 3
Green 2

19. Los Angeles Clippers - I don't know what Red-White-Blue has to do with Clipper ships. I would like to see the Clippers using a pirate theme with a color scheme of cream and black with red trim. I hate the "Los Angeles" in script, too.

18. Atlanta Hawks - Pretty good design plus a safe color scheme. Atlanta should have a dark red/white/tan-gold/black color scheme.

17. Washington Wizards - Unlike Utah, this is a good use of semi-retro. The bad news is that the identity they are referencing was a pretty terrible one. I loved their previous color scheme, but the old wordmark was atrocious.

THE PRETTY DECENT

16. Detroit Pistons - the second-best identity of the RWB teams, the uni design is quite good; I'd like to see the red and blue clash less.

15. Sacramento Kings - I love that purple is the only non-neutral color in their scheme (cough cough, Phoenix, the Lakers), but they've never gotten their wordmark right. The best one was their 1995-02 wordmark. I guess they'll be switching to green and gold pretty soon.

14. Phoenix Suns - A very good design. Phoenix could be in the top ten (at least) if they'd switch to full-time orange roadies and lost the freaking airport code. I can't stand that garbage. ATL, PHX...why stop there? The Knicks could put "212" above the jersey number! The Lakers could use "90210"! I am a genius!

13. Brooklyn Nets - I don't hate these as much as I imagined I would. But black and white without silver will never be right.

12. Golden State Warriors - Not flawless of course, but a really good example of semi-retro.

THE GOOD

11. New Orleans Hornets - Really nice design and logo work, and the integration of Mardi Gras colors into the original scheme was well done. Of course, we can forget all about this next year.

10. Indiana Pacers - Frankly, the Pacers should have just stuck with their 2000-era uniforms and only tweaked them every fifteen seasons or so, like the Spurs, Bulls, and Celtics have.

9. Portland Trail Blazers - When I said that Minnesota was most in need of an update, I had forgotten about Portland. Probably because Portland has a solid identity all the way around. However: besides the fact that Portland has had this identity in place for 20 years, it bothers me that a free-spirited, proudly weirdo city is represented by such a rod-up-its-butt uniform set.

Put it this way: if the New York Yankees were a basketball team, their unis would look a lot like these.

8. Chicago Bulls - Red-White-Black like Portland, but a better design. Though they should never again wear black alternates.

THE BEST

7. Milwaukee Bucks - Too much red in the trim keeps Milwaukee from placing higher. But the design and color scheme are great.

6. Dallas Mavericks - I know I'm supposed to hate all things Maverick, but Dallas has great unis.

5. Houston Rockets - By far their greatest identity. I like how their alternates pay homage to their championship years without going the semi-retro route.

4. Miami Heat - Good design, very good logo, perfect color scheme. I love that red.

3. Toronto Raptors - Well at least their uniforms are nice.

2. Boston Celtics - Can't say much here, except that I (in a distinct minority) love their black-trimmed alternates.

1. Philadelphia 76ers - The perfect color scheme, great design.

That's my view. How about you guys?

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