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[FARS Disclaimer: Fred Silva has a split personality. You may have noticed that he's sometimes happy, optimistic and sanguine, but other times he's belligerent, impossible to please, and a bit obnoxious. (Just a bit? Shut up!) Well, that's because there are two sides to him, and both of them have to share the space inside his head. Believe us, it gets pretty crowded in here. Anyway, we are so divided that I demanded my own moniker. I'm tired of being confused with that "let's make everyone happy" people-pleasing brown-noser, Fred. He says I'm too blunt and lack tact; I say I tell it like it is. You may call me FARS.]
Every team in the NBA... How to beat the Spurs.
1. Cheat Early and Often: Obviously, you cannot play fairly for the entire game and then attempt to cheat in the fourth and expect to get away with it. You have to set your cheating tone early. The most important requirement in this fraud is to cheat early and often.
2. Officials Are Stupid: You see, the officials are not that bright and are easily fooled. What you need to do is begin the game fouling people at a ridiculous rate. This will set the tone for the officials and they will think that fouling is par for the course. Once the officials get used to not calling the obvious foul, and the fourth quarter comes around, you can really start fouling! If it worked for the Thunder, it can work for you!
3. Push Tony and Manu: Once it's understood that a foul isn't a foul, (wink wink), now you can defend the Spurs' offense. Simply push Tony and Manu anytime they attempt to drive. As was previously established, this is not a foul. If the best Spurs' players can't create: well, problem solved from your end!
4. Shove Tim's Thigh: An effective, yet underrated, maneuver you need to employ is to push Tim Duncan's thigh anytime he shoots. Again, the officials are brain-dead at this point and will never blow the whistle. You've been fouling the crap out of the Spurs for 35 minutes. Why would they call a foul now? This slight push will result in Tim missing seemingly wide-open shots. Don't act surprised. Yes, we know that's what you're doing Marc Gasol.
5. Become A Favorite: If you can convince the NBA that you should win, you will win. ESPN will talk about you 24/7, even if your record is 15-20. Why? Because people care. Why do people care? Because we are talking about it. Why are we talking about it? Because people care. Who cares? Become a favorite. What does that mean? Read Catch 22! It has to do with paper!
6. Find a way to make Israel Gutierrez like you: If you are afraid of being fired, your best bet is to befriend Israel and do whatever he does. He is the worst and somehow still has a job. The only thing worse than his physical appearance is his writing. Not that it has anything to do with anything, but he always hates the Spurs. We need to get him on our side.
7. Make A Lot of Bad Shots: While the prior advice will give you a solid chance at beating the Spurs, there is really only one way to guarantee success. All you have to do is make a high percentage of low percentage shots. This is basically how the Spurs lose most of their games. Make a high percentage of low percentage shots and I will not complain. It should be impossible, after-all, but you can do it. If OKC could do it last year in the conference finals, you can do it too!
As far as the game went, I thought the Spurs played well enough to win tonight, yet they still lost. I really hate it when that happens. It implies that the Spurs deserved to lose and simply are inferior to Memphis. I disagree with that due to my reasons above. However, I do realize that the above is our reality. It has been our reality for a while.
So that I do not come across as a total ass, Memphis has a great team. Their starting lineup of Conley, Rudy Gay, Zach Randolph, Marc Gasol and the last guy is incredible. Their bench is elite. Their record is the only thing disappointing. Someone needs to make those jerks win the games they should so that when we lose to them, it doesn't seem so bad. In my opinion, they should be number one in the West right now.
Turnovers were the story once again. Many of them seem to be self-inflicted. I am going to choose to ignore them.
I've often said that to win an important game by six points, we had to be at least 16 points better. If you watched this game, you witnessed many game changing calls, which we have to get used to. It's what used to happen when we were dominant. We used to win games by six, but really 16. We had to beat the bias and then win the game.
Okay, Fred, you jerk. You are such a homer! Stop making excuses for the team and just tell me what prompted this nonsense!
18 turnovers and sloppy play overall. We should have won this game easily, yet we lost. The Spurs deserved this loss, and that's what is upsetting. Tim played his second consecutive awful game shooting 5-14 for 13 points while committing six turnovers.
Kawhi and Danny combined for an inefficient 5-13 from the field. Boris Diaw, while recording four assists, had three turnovers to negate his performance. Manu played well but still had those unnecessary turnovers that kept the team from extending its lead at critical times during the game.
Well, it's early in the season and the Spurs are still attempting to improve. I wish I could hibernate until March. Unfortunately for you, I'll be here next game. For your sake, they had better play better.
Please visit Straight Outta Vancouver for the incorrect perspective.