The Dark Prince yawned as he clicked back and forth between Ball Don't Lie, True Hoop and NBA.com. What is this study hall? The thunder and heat were just so boring.

LeYawn James versus Kevin "Mama's Boy" Durann. Harden's stupid beard looked dated back in 1550. A star named "Dwayne" -- dulls-ville. And who is Chris Bossh again? That point guard who wears glasses without lenses because it makes him look more boring, I guess. Are these real players? He yawned again, just thinking about it.

The team's names were boring. Thunder? Heat? Seriously, they are named after the sound of static electricity and temperature?

Even their evil deeds are boring. Steal a storied franchise to plant in bum-f***s-ville? It's not like a bunch of Okkies went up there on horseback and carried the franchise back tied in cages as Seatle burned, like they did in the good old days. Some pasty old white car dealer guy just bought the team and moved them. There were no heads on stakes. Who cares?

As for LeYawn's decision? That was some boring television. It was like a man who leaves his childhood sweetheart for a plastic trophy wife. Lousy, yes. Interesting, no.

What does Wade do that's evil -- whine? What is this, the National Boring Association?

Game 6 of the Western Conference Finals had to be the most boring basketball he had ever witnessed. Anytime anything interesting was about to happen, a whistle blew. Yawn.

What's the point anymore?

He staked himself.

The end.