Gaggle of Wizards come to town but can they take down the GOATPF WIZARD? - Soobum Im-US PRESSWIRE
Wizards come and try their voodoo on age defying Spurs
San Antonio Spurs vs Washington WizardsAT&T Center
October 26, 7:30 p.m. Spurs Time
TV: Comcast Sports - RADIO: 1200 AM WOAI
The Washington Wizards come to town seeking the right combination to solve their ailing regular season woes. An unnamed source has gone so far as to guarantee that the 2012-2013 Wizards will look more like their mid-2000 teams instead of their recent disappointments. This same source also stated that the Wizards will undergo yet another color scheme change from the current red, white, navy and silver to black, red and silver. "The new colors represent a new direction that we are willing to try" spoke new team analytic advisor Merl N Ambrosia. When asked about the recent charges made against the Wizards, Mr. Ambrosia did not look happy.
Charges were recently filed against the Wizards from an anonymous source. "They're not really Wizards at all" spoke the source. "They say they are and so does their brand. But they're really necromancers." asked to go into further details about his charges, the unnamed source refused to cooperate and walked off humming what sounded like the Ramones song, "Pet Cemetery".
"Look, you want to discuss some quack's charges against us, fine", reported Merl N. Ambrosia. "Necromancy. Yes, we admit that this team has had it's fair share of resurrection jobs, Bernie Bickerstaff, Chris Webber, Michael Jordan, not to mention the plethora of color schemes, logos and names but necromancy? Come on. In fact,if anyone should be under the microscope for necromancy, it should be old man Popovich of the San Antonio Spurs. Guys whose careers should have flat-lined years ago are still playing at an All-Star level. That just ain't natural. Besides have you ever tried to get a real, honest answer from that coach. He's got more bodies hidden than the basement of the Lubyanka Building."
Resurrection or not, these Wizards are attempting to gather enough of pieces to put together a monstrous threat to the Eastern Conference teams. Their shifty eyed and quick handed guards, John Wall and Brally Beal, should provide some much needed dexterity for the Washington Wizards. At small forward, Trevor Arizu has some mileage but may have found himself a final resting place to try and capture some end of career glory before being recycled for younger parts. Rounding out the team are the two big men, Nene and Emenike Okafor. These two aren't just a couple of warm bodies to be thrown out onto the court. They are quality pieces who give strength and stability to this patchwork team.
The brains of this operation belong to head coach Randy Wittman. His total head coaching record stands at 118-238. He is currently suffering from a rare dietary compulsion. He must consume the brains of three mammals per day. His utterances around the practice facility have been of particular interest to molecular gastronomist George A. Romero. Mr. Romero recently commented to NBA Commissioner David Stern that the only non-basketball terminology used by coach Wittman seemed to be a mash up of words in any given order. Mr. Stern supposedly asked which words were they and Mr. Romero replied, "best, Javale McGee, breakfast, lunch, dinner, anytime, brrrraaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnsssssss."
As for the Spurs, they are just looking to get through the preseason. "Preseason is boring." said veteran Stephen Jackson, continuing on "We're ready for games to count."
Game Prediction: Spurs by 30
As always Tony must dominate Fisher, and NBA league pass is recommended for those who are willing to pony up the cash. Almost every Spurs game will be broadcast there, which is especially helpful for those of us who aren't in the San Antonio area. Please don't post links to illegal game feeds in the game thread. Links to illegal feeds are not permitted on SBNation, but you can probably find them out there on the internets if you're resourceful and desperate.