What happens the day 21 doesn't suit up in black, silver, and white? Does it get any better for a sports fan than it has in the last 15 years? I recently told a friend that I worry about my future fan-hood. So I came up with a plan: it involves fake microphones made up of dried macaroni, a strobe-light to imitate ambiance, and a blue curtain.
The day Tim Duncan retires I'm going to hold my own conference and tell all those that I love that I'm retiring as a fan for the San Antonio Spurs. I'll be done. It's not personal, the Spurs have been good for me, but it's a business decision, and I'll miss all those who have supported me over the years.
My speech: "Justin has been good to SA over the years and SA has been good to Justin. Justin doesn't deal well with others, but has put that behind him and forged through. Except for the time I bit that guy. I'm sorry for that. Mostly because the Lakerfan tasted like spoiled Ricotta cheese. Justin doesn't want to cry right now. These aren't tears you're seeing. They are victory eye-squirts. I love you all."
But that's not right, is it? And by right I mean support your kids right, or if you use doggie baggies to capture your dog's feces don't leave it on the side of the trail right. That's being a fair-weather fan, a bandwagon captain. The Spurs have been good to me. And this is a crappy way to thank them when things go south.
But here's the cost: I'm too emotionally invested this time of year. My weekend should not be ruined because of Marc Gasol. He doesn't even know I exist, and if he did he would laugh and say something witty in the formal Spanish, and I would call him out on it vosotros-like, then we would fight and the hypothetical Gasol would rip off my lower right leg and stab me with it. Then where would I be?
And I don't need cable. I just don't. I love Breaking Bad, HBO'soriginal stuff, The Regular Show, but I can wait a year to watch all of this on disc. I don't need to see the actual broadcast. But as a Spurs fan I have pay up for Fox Sportssouthwestotherwise I might as well be a fan of some foreign sport like Cricket. Jiminy, cable costs a lot. And with Netflix, Hulu and XBOXLive: cable is starting to look like that college roommate who stopped paying rent months ago but who you still have a fondness in your heart because of their Ross Perot imitation. It's becoming unnecessary. But then there's this. AT&T, I scream your name in rage.
Winter is coming, Spurs fans. There will be lean years. So maybe I can scale back my fan involvment? Maybe I can read the paper, listen to Bill on the AM, and keep track through PTR here in a sort of foreigner's fog? Because this may be what I miss most as a Spurs fan, this community. JRW has done great, Hipuks always makes me laugh, LatinD is wise and a great writer, and I enjoy it when the older folks chime in, Wayne and Stamp. Hirsh, Cap, Josh: you all do such a great job of making this a positive and informative site. Big50, Janie, Artis, MIA Laurie, and all the others that make this place great, and I thank you.
And PTR gets me through the day. I am basically a data entry/risk management cube-dweller, with diet mountain dew in my veins, and the only two websites not blocked here on our servers are LOLsloths and PTR. I got to stay in the mix. I can't retire yet.
So, even though I announced my retirement as a fan in the future I am already coming back in a grand manner, wearing the number 45. I'm announcing comeback from my fake-retirement ceremony.
And it feels good.