"Spursfan" is the new insult

There's really nothing to say. I had plenty of words after the second and third straight losses, but after the 6th? I've got nothing but a combination of rage and confusion and apathy. I see a team completely disorganized, lacking passion and desire, overflowing with fundamental errors; insecure and lost. And I see something I've never seen before- a coach who has seemingly lost his team. With 20 seconds left in OT of the Houston game, San Antonio was down by 3. Pop marched the sidelines screaming for the team to foul as Houston brought the ball down. Frantically trying to get the attention of his players, imploring them to foul as 12.5 seconds ticked away. He finally, with an exasperated throw of the clipboard to the bench, stopped screaming and focused on emoting with his Pop-face while the team went on to do something that hasn't been done in 14 years. It's certainly been a year of 1sts, folks. Ultra-highs and ultra-lows. Pride and shame. This must be what it's like to be a mavs fan.

And so it's within that recognition that I offer the following mojoboost and encourage you to do the same on your own.

For starters, I got up this morning and immediately burned the black Spurs polo shirt I wore to the Nuggets game with CapHill. Ah, the Nuggets game, the start of our slide. I always had a bad feeling about that shirt but never had anything to confirm it until this slide. It was a beautiful (and dramatically overpriced, thank you, AT&T Center) breathable shirt with an embroidered Spur on the chest. Once placed in a metal bucket with some lighter fluid in the garage, it gladly gave up the ghost.

But more needs to be done, so here is my offering...


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Everybody Sucks. Yes, EVERYBODY

First off, the Big 3 sucks. When Timmy went down, we palmed a chunk of fool's gold by assuming that our subsequent losses were because of the obvious critical importance of the Puffy. Apparently though, Timmy simply picked a good time to take a rest. With or without him, we're still ass clowns. He's old, his beard is stupid, and he now moves like a sick giraffe. He sucks.

Second, Manu is overrated. Stars don't take nights or weeks off. I'm done putting him in the upper echelon of stars until Manu actually shows consistency and a killer instinct. Thirty points in a night is great, until it's followed by five 11-point nights in a row. Gone is his will to will us to victory, to carry us on his back to glory, to be a viable threat to kill on every given night. He's no longer a cold-blooded assassin, he's now Joe Johnson, Michael Redd and Uwe Blab all rolled into one. Manu's done, and he sucks.

Third, RJ is spineless. It was fantastic those 3 meaningless games in the middle of the year when he carried us, but since then he's nothing more than a poor man's Michael Finley. But without the threat of explosion. During the Portland game there was a play in which RJ was isolated alone on the wing in "his spot," waiting for the shot to put us ahead. I actually saw an arena waitress walk over to him and ask him what he wanted to drink, that's how little of a threat RJ has become. He no longer takes the ball strong to the hoop, he seems to have completely forgotten our plays and he's adequate at best on defense. Even the JV laughs at him. He sucks.

Tony? You suck too. You're still French, you've forgotten how to run an NBA team's floor, you've only teased us by increasing your three point percentage from 10% to 12%, you're daily proving yourself to be overrated as one of the game's best PGs, you suddenly lack the desire to stay even moderately in front of your man, and your fire of passion has long ago burned out. Go get a modeling gig in Belgium and stop even trying to play basketball. You suck.

Matt... it's not even challenging to ridicule you anymore. You're a flash-in-the-pan, a myth, a pipe dream gone bad, a failed experiment, a large red-headed useless waste of white space. You never played defense, so there's not much more disappointment there, but now you can suddenly not even shoot anymore. We generally accept a one year learning curve from new players to learn the Spurs' system; you're somehow still on the 5-year plan. Give up the game and open a string of Subways in New England. Leave us alone. You suck.

Steve Novak... I don't even know who you are but a dallas castoff. Go coach a junior high school team somewhere and reminisce about once being on a pro basketball team. You're dead to me, and you suck.

George... When a team is missing it's stars, someone has to score. It's just logic and physics. It doesn't mean that player has talent, it simply means that somehow, someway the ball goes in. Even a bad WNBA team with no stars has a "scorer." That's you. Your iron-wall defense has never materialized, your fame from coming from a school with an interesting name has faded, your reliability is horrendous and porous; you're now just "that guy who took those inappropriate cell phone pics." You are a waste of space and you suck..

Gary... I once loved you. You showed a discipline and killer instinct that endeared many to your plight. You were given the benefit of starting from nothing, leading to the overvaluing of your skills. We know you have ability. It's just that now, it's apparent that your 'abilities' are really nothing more than sub-par, journeyman-level skills. Other teams see you as "the guy who might one day occasionally burn you." You're Goran Dragic. You're Al Harrington. You're Ian Mahinmi with serviceable legs. You're incapable of improvement. You suck.

Dice... my god, you're old, and it's painfully obvious after you've been in the game longer than 45 seconds. You're washed up, slow, weak, frail, lackadaisical, and you still reek of Detroit. Your odometer is broken, it's so old. We could literally play a large orange construction barrel filled with sand and have a more threatening line in the paint. You suck.

Tiago... you are so worthless. You seriously can't be that stupid. Do the trainers simply plug you into a car battery before games? You lumber around aimlessly like a movie monster created with parts from lesser players. Your talent in the Sophomore league that is Europe did nothing to prepare you for playing with actual athletes, and watching you attempt basic things like passing or boxing out makes me vomit. You obviously don't have the heart to get any better. You suck America-style

Blair... I can't really even say much about you, since your lack of anything resembling competitive basketball has lately prevented you from even seeing the floor that much. You're broken and you have no more heart. You're good for nothing more now than handing the JV small wet wipes for his dry erase board. You suck.

The rest of our bench... you really suck. I can't even name one of you right now. Do we still have Ime and several no-name D-leaguers? I don't care about you, no one cares about you, and you're irrelevant. You could literally show up in one of those dumbass pink Spurs jerseys from the Rivercenter Mall and no one would even notice. You can't be relied upon for anything. You suck.

And finally, Gregg Poopovich is the most overrated NBA coach of all time. Not only does the media dislike you and avoid you, but now it seems that your own players ignore you. Which is probably a good thing, since you apparently lack the desire or ability to form any semblance of defense on the floor for a sustainable time. Your offensive plays were seemingly stolen from two 14-year olds playing NBA 2K, your witticisms are no longer humorous, your CIA cover and secretive storyline does nothing but actually mask your ineptitude and failure. There is no hope for you because you really suck.

I have no more hope for this year because the team doesn't care. The team has no more passion, drive, commitment or heart. We will likely lose the #1 seed and, the way we've been playing in the last two weeks, get bounced within 6 games in the first round. It doesn't even matter who we play. We're an embarrassment and disgusting to watch. We suck all the way around and don't have the abilities to get any better. This year was a waste of energy and time and passion.

Ramen.

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