Groupon has a deal for Spurs tickets today, but that's not why I'm posting it. The description that accompanies the deal is, well, bizarre. I'm quoting it below, but you can click the link if you don't believe me...
Humans have been putting spherical objects in hoops for centuries, but until the invention of the dunk, the fast break, and face dribbling, it wasn't an activity worth watching. See if basketball lives up to the hype with today's Groupon: for $60, you get a 100-level seat to watch the Spurs play at the AT&T Center (up to a $125 value). Check out the 3D arena chart and choose one of the following games:
Against Minnesota Timberwolves at 6 p.m. on Sunday, January 9
Against Denver Nuggets at 8 p.m. on Sunday, January 16
Against Toronto Raptors at 7:30 p.m. on Wednesday, January 19
Led by veterans Tony Parker, Tim Duncan, and Manu Ginobili, San Antonio's pro basketballers reside in the elite of the Western Conference and will be sharpening their sporting spurs for upcoming games against board-warrior Kevin Love and the Timberwolves, perennial playoff players in the Nuggets, and Roman 7-footer Andrea Bargnani and the Raptors. With today's deal, you can catch the local, four-time NBA champs in action with fellow sports fanatics or your family and howl along with the Coyote as the Spurs dribble, dunk, alley-oop, coup-fourré, shimmy-shammy, and Irish chowder their way to victory. Seating is assigned on a first-come, first-served basis for seats valued up to $125 in sections 102–113 and 116–127.
Face dribbling? Irish chowder? Board warrior Kevin Love? Roman 7-footer Andrea Bargnani? Who writes this stuff? It's safe to say Stampler isn't moonlighting writing descriptions for Groupon.