Kevin Garnett to retire from basketball

by swgeek on Mar 29, 2010 12:39 AM CDT

Kevin Garnett, center for the Boston Celtics basketball team, announced today that he is going to retire from basketball and become a monk. He says he made his decision during Sunday's game against the San Antonio Spurs. "The game, and the world as a whole, just does not make sense to me anymore" said the 6 ft 11 inch center. "I was feeling pretty good, limiting Tim [the opposing center on the Spurs], moving around and generally roaring at people. Then Matt Bonner [another Spurs player] turned my world upside down. He penetrated inside the paint and simply demolished me inside – I did not stand a chance against him in the paint. That's when I realized that my view of the world was completely false and that I was living a lie".

Garnett reportedly went straight to his head coach and asked to be released then and there, but Coach Rivers persuaded him to stay through the rest of the game. However, it was obvious that his heart was just not in it, and of course the rest of the Celtics followed their captain's lead.

Garnett plans to seclude himself from the world and meditate until he once again feels at one with the universe. His preference is to become a monk but the sticking point is the vow of silence that most monks are required to take. Garnett prefers to meditate using more modern techniques such as "roaring" and "pounding chest" and is looking for a more contemporary monastery that resonates with his beliefs.

Coach Rivers hopes to convince the aging center to play out the rest of the season but says he will support Garnett's decision whenever the time comes.

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GOL!

Onion-esque, I love it!

Oh, and rec’d

"You may all go to hell, and I will go to Texas." -Davy Crockett
"Give me an army of West Point graduates, and I'll win a battle. Give me a handful of Texas Aggies, and I'll win a war." -Gen. George S. Patton

by spursfan4ever on Mar 29, 2010 12:59 AM CDT reply actions

a more contemporary monastery that resonates with his beliefs.

Hilarious.

Alfajores cause mojo! - janieannie

by J.R. Wilco on Mar 29, 2010 1:35 AM CDT reply actions

Je Je ! (translation: He he!) ;-)

by jalberto on Mar 29, 2010 6:48 AM CDT reply actions

To the rec list with ya!

Spurs Basketball. Improving [other] NBA teams since 2010! - swgeek

by Tim C. on Mar 29, 2010 7:56 AM CDT reply actions

Hee-larious. Well done, geek.

The Roleplayer's Realm

by silverandblack_davis on Mar 29, 2010 8:12 AM CDT reply actions

how long did it take you to come up with this genius?

"What excites me the most is when a coach calls a timeout and chews out his forward because I just dunked on his head."
--Karl Malone

by spurscitizen on Mar 29, 2010 8:55 AM CDT reply actions

Thanks :)
I was literally laughing loudly when I saw Bonner go in against Garnett and actually beat him. Thought of this post almost immediately but did not get home until pretty late.

by swgeek on Mar 29, 2010 12:52 PM CDT up reply actions

glad that you did post it

"What excites me the most is when a coach calls a timeout and chews out his forward because I just dunked on his head."
--Karl Malone

by spurscitizen on Mar 29, 2010 2:12 PM CDT reply actions

Wow. Just hilarious. I almost choked on my tea.

by CapHill on Mar 29, 2010 2:43 PM CDT reply actions

I almost choked on my ~~tea~~ afternoon martini.

FIFY

(It’s been so long since anyone bashed you as a lush, I thought I’d let you know that we still care about you.)

Alfajores cause mojo! - janieannie

by J.R. Wilco on Mar 29, 2010 4:29 PM CDT up reply actions

Except that I’m not a martini person. Now if you had used “Extra Special Bitter Home Brew”, you would have been correct.

by CapHill on Mar 29, 2010 5:15 PM CDT up reply actions

But martini is my own special word for ESBHB.

Alfajores cause mojo! - janieannie

by J.R. Wilco on Mar 30, 2010 4:02 PM CDT up reply actions

Plus KG got swatted hard by a guard.
On a side note, Ginobili’s box score said he had zero blocks in that game. GOL

by Gino20 on Mar 29, 2010 5:49 PM CDT reply actions

I thought about mentioning that but refrained. It would have made things too wordy and also there is no shame in being swatted hard by Manu – he is no ordinary guard.

by swgeek on Mar 29, 2010 6:08 PM CDT up reply actions