October 14, 2009.
SAN ANTONIO, TX- Enthusiastic about the Spurs' revamped roster, long time Spurs fan Chubby Maximilius Checkers, declared he could not wait until the start of the season. "Oh man, it's going to be so great, so many new players, and so many offensive weapons". Pointing out that it was the first time the Spurs had gone over the NBA's salary cap, Checkers remarked " For a long time we made do with the bare minimum, but this year we're loaded with players. It's going to be a wonderful season, no doubt".
Checkers proceeded to show the reporter his most precious possession, " Okay, so this was expensive, I know, but as soon as we signed Richard Jefferson, I just had to have it", Checkers explained as he showed an autographed RJ Spurs jersey he had acquired from eBay, paying several hundred dollars and having to pawn a family heirloom in the process.
"The possibilities are endless, with all the new additions Tim Duncan can really focus on defense this year" Checkers happily continued, "I mean, all this time he had carry the team on his shoulders, but this year? Hello defensive player of the year!". Checkers also explained how landing Blair was a miracle that only proved it was in this Spurs' destiny to win it all this year, " I mean, Blair was just the cherry on top, we were already a great team before that, what with McDyess and his sweet jumper, and our trio of superstars, and of course Richard Jefferson, who will contribute incredibly to this team".
Asked if he was concerned about managing all those new players into the Spurs' system, Checkers said, " Oh yeah, it's a bit of a concern, but Pop knows what he's doing, I mean if Richard Jefferson could produce so much in teams with crappy coaches, imagine what he'll be able to do under a future hall of famer."
Checkers expected the start of the season to be somewhat difficult, but nonetheless has undying optimism "Well, it's going to be a bumpy ride, a roller coaster ride. But not like when you're in a roller coaster with a fat girl next to you and the centrifugal force makes her squish you into a corner while the kids in the cart in front throw up. More like a fun roller coaster ride where you feel happy and energized afterward."
"So many players to choose from...Goodbye inefficient rotations!" Checkers continued, "I really can't wait for this team to gel and take the league by storm, these two weeks until our first game are going to last forever. And let me tell you something, if we win that first game by a large margin well...There's no telling what this team can do."
Checkers then showed the reporter around the house, proudly explaining his High Definition tv setup with surround sound where he would happily watch the Spurs games, and also pointing to his laptop, " I go to a blog called Pounding the Rock, great community. There's this sexy, witty, well endowed guy called Hipuks who always puts fish at halftime, I don't know why. I really don't understand most of the things that go on there, but anyway, I bet he'll love halftimes this year, he's gonna have a ton of fun".
When describing who he thought would be the main rivals of the Spurs this year, " Well of course, it's going to be the Lakers, but let's be realistic here, Artest is probably going to go all crazy and destroy the team and besides" Checkers continued, "Kobe has a lot of miles in his body, and there's no way the Lakers can beat anyone without Kobe" Checkers repeated, " Just no way."
"I really can't wait anymore..." Checkers finally said, looking out hopefully into the distance, "It's going to be a wild ride, and I'm sure I'll enjoy every second of it."
Friends reported that Checkers has bet his entire life savings into the Spurs reaching the finals.