Game 20 Recap: Slow Your Roll, David Stern - WE own the NOOCH

Game 20, Vs. New Orleans: Spurs 109-84              (Record: 17-3)         RAGE: +3

Sorry this is late. I've been working my fanny off to finish the latest issue of SFI all weekend because I procrastinate like a moron. I wrote like 9,000 words on Saturday, another 3,000 on Sunday (plus hours of final edits), went to my other job on Monday, wrote a Spurs column for another publication (as of now hush hush) and decided against writing the recap last night partly because I was exhausted and partly I read something once where the only way you improve as a writer is to write every day. If I had written yesterday, I'd have absolutely nothing to write today.

Nah, it was just laziness.

Anyway, Tuesday was supposed to be the day I hung out with the old man. It's not an activity I'm fond of. We've had an extremely rocky history that I won't bother elaborating on. So I called him in the morning and I got his voice mail. I left a message, "Hey, call me back."

He calls a half hour later and he's all mad at me. He says my voice mail was disrespectful.

Um, what?

Him: Hey, call me back, you don't talk to your dad like that, it's disrespectful.

Me: It's more respectful than messages I leave to most people.

Him: What, do you swear at most people?

Me: For friends, sure.

Him: Only bums talk that way. You were raised in a good family. You did not grow up in a black community.

Me: [Stunned silence, random blinking].

Him: Have you showered yet?

Me: No, it's my off day and I worked my ass off the last four days, I'm relaxing.

Him: Well you have to shower and shave and wear a nice shirt to see me. Call me after you shower.

And there's your daily peek into my dysfunction. That conversation was 12 hours ago.

I still haven't showered. It was a good day.

****

What else happened today? I saw this commercial for the billionth time.

1800 Tequila - Shot Top Commercial (via 1800tequilaofficial)

Surely I'm not the only one who notices the cut between him flipping the bottle upside down and him holding the cap with the booze in it. You notice they don't show him carefully unscrewing the cap with the tequila in it. You know why?

COS THAT OVERPRICED FIREWATER WOULD SPILL ALL OVER THE TABLE.

Such blatant false advertising. And that Sopranos guy thinks he's so cool. His character on the show was an illiterate junkie moron. Ugh.

There isn't much fertile ground for me to cover that hasn't already been plowed by other quarter pounders or junior whoppers or whatever fast food chain staple you people refer to yourselves as. Besides, when you win by such a massive margin, there really isn't much to analyze.

I did do some quick math, though. The last time we played the NOOCH, the Spurs were down 17 points, 68-51 with 9:11 to go in the third quarter when Timmeh was preparing to shoot some pseudo-freebies. From that point on, over the final 21:11 of the game, the Spurs outscored 'em 58-27. Then came last Sunday's game, at the friendly confines of the AT&T center. When RJ sunk a corner three right in front of the Hornets' bench to cap a 17-0 run, the score was 87-49 to the good, with 4:41 elapsed in the third quarter.

That means in a combined 49:52 of game time, just two minutes more than a regulation game, the combined score was 145-76.

Holy shit. 69 point margin. That's the kind of score you'd see the original Dream Team put up against Angola or somebody.

Hey, this took only two hours to compile, so why not. Here's your box score of said 145-76 game.

New Orleans

Paul: 16 points, 6-18 FG, 1-4 3PT, 3-4 FT, 6 Reb (0-6), 8 Ast, 2 Stl, 7 TO, -41

West: 18 points, 8-12 FG, 2-4 FT, 7 Reb (2-5), 1 Ast, 1 Stl, 2 Blk, 2 TO, -58

Okafor: 7 points, 2-6 FG, 3-6 FT, 7 Reb (1-6), 1 Ast, 1 Stl, 2 Blk, -54

Ariza: 11 points, 4-11 FG, 1-4 3PT, 2-2 FT, 2 Reb (0-2), 2 Ast, 3 Stl, 4 TO, -46

Belinelli: 7 points, 1-8 FG, 5-7 FT, 2 Reb (0-2), 2 Ast, 1 Stl, -49

Green: 4 points, 2-5 FG, 2 Reb (0-2), 1 Ast, 2 TO, -34

Thornton: 5 points, 2-3 FG, 1-1 3 PT, 1 Reb (0-1), 1 TO, -14

Jack: 2 points, 0-4 FG, 2-2 FT, 1 Ast, 2 TO, -23

Pondexter: 4 points, 2-2 FG, 1 Reb (0-1), -15

Smith: 2 points, 1-1 FG, 1 Ast, 1 TO, -4

Mbenga: +1

Anderson: 0 points, 0-2 FG, -10

Team: 76 points, 28-70 FG (40.0%), 3-11 3PT (27.2%), 17-25 FT (68.0%), 28 Rebounds (3-25), 17 Assists, 8 Steals, 4 Blocks, 20 Turnovers.

San Antonio

Duncan: 20 points, 7-11 FG, 6-8 FT, 10 Reb (3-7), 3 Ast, 3 Blk, 1 TO, +36

Ginobili: 18 points, 5-12 FG, 3-8 3PT, 5-5 FT, 7 Reb (0-7), 10 Ast, 4 Stl, 1 Blk, 1 TO, +54

Parker: 21 points, 8-12 FG, 0-1 3PT, 5-7 FT, 6 Reb (2-4), 9 Ast, 4 Stl, 5 TO, +45

Blair: 6 points, 3-4 FG, 6 Reb (2-4), 1 Stl, 1 Blk, 1 TO, +21

Jefferson: 25 points, 9-17 FG, 5-10 3PT, 2-3 FT, 5 Reb (1-4), 1 Ast, 1 TO, +59

Hill: 19 points, 6-9 FG, 0-2 3PT, 7-7 FT, 2 Reb (0-2), 6 Ast, 1 Blk, +42

Bonner: 14 points, 5-6 FG, 4-5 3PT, 2 Reb (0-2), 2 Ast, 1 Stl, +13

Neal: 15 points, 5-9 FG, 4-5 3PT, 1-1 FT, 6 Reb (0-6), 3 Ast, 2 Stl, 1 TO, +37

McDyess: 4 points, 2-2 FG, 4 Reb (0-4), 1 Ast, 1 Blk, 1 TO, +33

Splitter: 0 points, 0-1 FG, +4

Udoka: 0 points, 0-1 FG, 0-1 3PT, 2 Reb (0-2), 1 TO, +2

Quinn: 3 points, 1-1 FG, 1-1 3PT, 1 Ast, -1

Team: 145 Points, 51-85 FG (60.0%), 17-33 3PT (51.5%), 26-31 FT (83.9%), 50 Rebounds (8-42), 36 Assists, 12 Steals, 7 Blocks, 12 Turnovers.

Wowza. Seven scorers between 14 and 25 points for us. Out-shot them 60% to 40% and had 15 more field goal attempts, 23 more makes, 14 more threes on 22 more attempts and nine more free throws on six more attempts. Out-rebounded them 50-28, had 19 more assists and eight less turnovers. Not only did we dominate every phase of the game, getting solid contributions from our top nine guys, but I particularly liked the defensive effort in this 50 minute stretch, not just in terms of field goal percentage but also in limiting the three point attempts and offensive rebounds, while forcing 20 turnovers. I don't see any team putting this thorough a spanking on another the rest of this season, do you? 

That's why I don't care if the league bought the Hornets or not. The way I see it, the Spurs own them.

Nice line for the always-grimacing David West, by the way. 18 points, 7 rebounds, -58. Well done.

 

As for this last game specifically, the overwhelming thing that stood out to me, besides Tony's complete domination of Paul in their personal duel,  was how poor the Hornets starting bigs, West and Emeka Okafor, played in their own end. I mean seriously, has there been a more pathetic effort by established players this season? These guys crossed off the checklist of every defensive sin in the book.

Misplay the pick-and-roll, allowing Parker to get uncontested layups? Check.

Misplay the pick-and-pop, allowing Bonner to get wide open looks? Check.

Provide no resistance whatsoever on Tony's floaters? Check.

Don't fight through screens? Check.

Not rotating over to the weakside shooter? Check.

No hard fouls to get the opposition to think twice about going to the basket? Check.

Thanks to these two clowns, and the considerable non-efforts of Chris Paul, Marco Belinelli and Trevor Ariza as well, it was an all-you-can-eat buffet for our guys, as we literally got whatever shot we wanted, with little to no resistance. New Orleans started red hot this season (including a win here on Oct. 30), but now they're playing like one of the poorest teams in the league, which I suppose makes sense because they are literally the poorest team in the league, as in flat out broke.

I feel bad for Monty Williams because his head coaching career will be very brief the way this mess is going, but I don't feel bad for the owner (prick), the star players (pricks) or their fans (poverty or no, if you don't go to the games, you can't whine about the team leaving, it's just common sense). Even Okafor, who I have no personal animosity towards, I think it has to be said he's had a pretty disappointing career for a number two overall pick, racking up PERs between 15-18 his whole career. He's just never gotten better since his rookie year.

The only part of the game I had any issue with was the first eight minutes of the fourth quarter. I realize we were in garbage time, but holy FSM did Dr. Quinn: Victory Cigar put together a shit-tastic display of point guard play before getting himself right and leading the team to six buckets on their final seven possessions. Obviously the quintet of Splitter-Blair-Udoka-Neal-Quinn don't have any experience playing together, but Quinn couldn't even get to the three point line without giving up his dribble, could never set up a proper post entry to Splitter and the ball movement was atrocious. Also, is it me but is Splitter regressing defensively? He's getting scored on a bunch and the refs have ZERO respect for him. He's getting called for fouls when his arms are straight up in the air and also when people are plowing straight into him.  I think Pop sees it too, that the kid is not gonna get a fair shake, and it's reflecting in Tiago's minutes.

Your Three Stars (with apologies to Manu, RJ, Neal and Hill):

3. Tim Duncan - His numbers don't look too hot, but he controlled the game while he was in there during his 19 minutes and the difference between him and the Hornets bigs on defense was like night and day.

2. Matt Bonner - Anyone else getting tired of Rocket shooting either 90% or 10% in games and nothing in between? He reminds me of my high school report cards. I'd average a 3.0 with three A's and three C's and never get a B. Instead of these 5-of-6 one night, 1-of-6 the next night schizophrenic performances, how about a nice, easy, steady dose of 3-of-6s, huh?

1. Tony Parker - Four turnovers is too many, and they were all of the selfish charge kind, which I hate, but I gotta give The Philandering Frenchman his due, he kicked Paul's butt. It's really almost impossible for the Spurs to lose when Tony plays well. Too bad he does it only like five or six times a season.

(ha).

Up Next: Wednesday, Vs. Golden State (8-13). Us, with two days of rest at home versus them on a SEGABABA on the road? I like them odds. The Dubs had a decent effort at Dallas Tuesday in a loss, but were done in by too many turnovers by their starting backcourt (sounds familiar) and their crap bench. I'm feeling another 115-125 points, and that's just from Manu.