Dear Mr. Jefferson, or as i have referred to you in the past; Dammit, son of a beach, peanut head, tiny ears, and dammit tiny ears, you son of a beach
Recently I have noted your excellent play, which is a delight. I still sometimes curse when you touch the ball, but as they say "old habits regarding Richard Jefferson are hard to break." I'm sure someone has said that once. Recently everything you have done has pleased me. You are like the love child of bruce bowen, roger mason (before he also took my nickname for you (Dammit,) and captain sandwich britches (bonner,) also included is a spur who can fly through the air, i believe the most recent spur who fits this is george gervin. You used to be a hair above chlamydia in my personal list of useful things. Now you are in 6th place behind manu, alcohol, duncan, different types of alcohol, other than the previously stated alcohol and cigars (henceforth refereed to as vitamin sticks.) Previously you have caused me to light a vitamin stick in shame whenever you touched a ball, as well as both types of alcohol (further enabling my socially crippling addiction.)
Police: Sir, how many beers have you had tonight?
Me : Dammit jefferson.
Police: sir, what the hell are you talking about, what were you drinking?
Me: equal parts disappointment, tears, shattered dreams and turnovers.....also bourbon.
while i plan on not suing you for dui related fines (unless the Cleavland court system sets a precedent) I do plan on watching you intently and pretending this is last season, well except for that blair was able to score back then, but hey, i have to light my vitamin sticks for someone. Smokey treats (another word for vitamin sticks) are now smoked in your honor instead of your shame. Now my crippling social disease goes something like this
Police: Sir how much have you had to drink tonight?
Me: I love him
Police: Sir, you have our admiration and respect for working it out with this jefferson fellow we are always arresting you about.
Me: thank you.
Police : please put your hands behind your back. anything you say will be......and so on and so forth....
Either way, i love you now and im sorry. Also, now hopefully i will be seeing you in court not for suing purposes but for something far more endearing (bail money.)