My open apology letter to Richard Jefferson

by Jacob Taylor Harrington on Nov 10, 2010 12:46 AM CST

Dear Mr. Jefferson, or as i have referred to you in the past; Dammit, son of a beach, peanut head, tiny ears, and dammit tiny ears, you son of a beach

Recently I have noted your excellent play, which is a delight. I still sometimes curse when you touch the ball, but as they say "old habits regarding Richard Jefferson are hard to break." I'm sure someone has said that once. Recently everything you have done has pleased me. You are like the love child of bruce bowen, roger mason (before he also took my nickname for you (Dammit,) and captain sandwich britches (bonner,) also included is a spur who can fly through the air, i believe the most recent spur who fits this is george gervin. You used to be a hair above chlamydia in my personal list of useful things. Now you are in 6th place behind manu, alcohol, duncan, different types of alcohol, other than the previously stated alcohol and cigars (henceforth refereed to as vitamin sticks.) Previously you have caused me to light a vitamin stick in shame whenever you touched a ball, as well as both types of alcohol (further enabling my socially crippling addiction.)

Police: Sir, how many beers have you had tonight?

Me : Dammit jefferson.

Police: sir, what the hell are you talking about, what were you drinking?

Me: equal parts disappointment, tears, shattered dreams and turnovers.....also bourbon.

while i plan on not suing you for dui related fines (unless the Cleavland court system sets a precedent) I do plan on watching you intently and pretending this is last season, well except for that blair was able to score back then, but hey, i have to light my vitamin sticks for someone. Smokey treats (another word for vitamin sticks) are now smoked in your honor instead of your shame. Now my crippling social disease goes something like this

Police: Sir how much have you had to drink tonight?

Me: I love him

Police: Sir, you have our admiration and respect for working it out with this jefferson fellow we are always arresting you about.

Me: thank you.

Police : please put your hands behind your back. anything you say will be......and so on and so forth....

Either way, i love you now and im sorry. Also, now hopefully i will be seeing you in court not for suing purposes but for something far more endearing (bail money.)

Jacob

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Now you are in 6th place behind manu, alcohol, duncan, different types of alcohol, other than the previously stated alcohol and cigars (henceforth refereed to as vitamin sticks.)

PERFECT LIST

Police: sir, what the hell are you talking about, what were you drinking?

Me: equal parts disappointment, tears, shattered dreams and turnovers…..also bourbon.

i laughed so hard

by spurs fan on Nov 10, 2010 10:40 AM CST reply actions

Funny stuff…assuming of course that you didn’t really get a DUI. Rec’d nonetheless.

by Big50 on Nov 10, 2010 10:52 AM CST reply actions

A big GOL! That was hilarious! At least for us. Unless you’re not kidding about being on a first name basis with officers of the law.

by TD21 on Nov 10, 2010 11:05 AM CST reply actions

no worries, no real dui’s, at least that i can recall

by Jacob Taylor Harrington on Nov 10, 2010 1:42 PM CST reply actions

Good, in that case keep posting this funny stuff! We’d love to have more of it.

by Big50 on Nov 10, 2010 3:55 PM CST up reply actions

Funny guy. Are you and jakob_taylor, who used to go to game threads to talk about his drinking problem, one and the same person?

"A life, Jimmy, you know what that is? It’s what happens while you wait for moments that will never come." - Lester Freamon, The Wire

by silverandblack_davis on Nov 10, 2010 6:45 PM CST reply actions

Maybe he was too drunk to remember his password.

by Tim C. on Nov 10, 2010 7:00 PM CST up reply actions

yep, that email account i used got hacked and i wound up sending “male enhancement pill” emails to everyone on my contact list….i decided to abandon it and start fresh.

by Jacob Taylor Harrington on Nov 10, 2010 7:22 PM CST up reply actions 2 recs

GOL

Hey, if posting a sharp, insightful, yet non-sarcastic comment were that easy, even olf would do it.

Mike Monroe: ...the uninformed presume Parker is expendable.

by freshtunarightofftheboat on Nov 10, 2010 7:50 PM CST up reply actions

I don't think you owe RJ an apology.

It’s like saying, “Dear Richard, I’m sorry your basketball IQ is so low that it took you a whole year to figure out how to play for the Spurs. I should’ve totally studied up on you and realized you were a nitwit and not had such high expectations.”

If anything RJ owes us an apology. And he does. And he’s paying it in small increments.

Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

by Aaronstampler on Nov 10, 2010 8:29 PM CST reply actions

I'm no brown-noser...

  I never doubted you, RJ. I know that Pop dumbed-down the playbook for you newcomers last year in hopes of lowering that learning curve but, hey, a new system is a new system. You went from #1-2 option who was never relied on for defense to the #4-5 option (behind TD, TP, Manu, and even Hill).
  It takes a LOT for a man of your talent to admit his short-comings and to spend his summer working his butt off – starting from the fundamentals.
  Before I found PtR, I was stuck with a bunch of idiots at mysanantonio.com. I expressed what a class act you were, and if you were a true Spur, you would become a free agent and sign a more Spur friendly deal; which you did.
  I am incredibly pleased with your hard work and dedication to the program. I didn’t know where you’d end up (trade?) over the summer, but I’m glad we have the best FO in the business and they had the sense to keep you.
  Thank you for embracing your role, playing with the confidence you lost for a while, and being a class act (which is a MUST for a true Spur).
  We are all glad to have you aboard.

Sincerely,
Cameron Yzaguirre

'Offensive rebounding' is a gross understatement of DeJuan Blair's skill. It is far beyond 'offensive' and should be qualified as 'Get The Hell Out of My Way Or I'll Tear Your Arms Off and Eat Your Babies' rebounding.

by Iullaby on Nov 11, 2010 12:22 AM CST reply actions