Me -- "Hey Mason, nice haircut!" Mason -- "Thank you." I really hope Mason doesn't think I like his hair. When I screamed at him I thought it was more than obvious that I was being facetious, but in retrospect I think he may have misunderstood. So, Anthony Mason Jr., if you are reading this, the guy that sat three rows behind your bench thinks your hair looks ridiculous. You look like a poor man's Dwayne from A Different World. (Underrated sitcom, btw.)

Tim Duncan and DeJuan Blair
Those guys clearly went to work this off-season. Both looked very quick and are obviously in better shape than they were last year. It's hard to explain how Tim could possibly be in better shape than last year, but just know that he looks nimble out there. DeJuan turned his baby fat into hard muscle. Opponents trying to make a hard foul find themselves on their backsides as the ball falls through the net. I mean, DeBeast is back!

Tony and Manu
They looked fresh, as to be expected. Finally taking the off-season off should prove to be a nice boost for our team. Tonight they did look a little rusty, but I wouldn't lose any sleep over it.

Richard Jefferson
Yuck. I'm not a fan. He sucks. He took a wide open three and missed the entire rim. It hit the left side of the backboard. Thud. WTF, man. I thought he was supposed to be working on his shot with Pop this off-season. My sample size is one game, but so far he looks like the same old RJ. Oh well.

Antonio McDyess
The old man can shoot. He's exactly what you think he is; he's a tough veteran that can stick the open J with consistency. I am a fan.

Booby Simmons
Dude showed up out of shape. I think all the baby fat that DeJuan lost was absorbed by this guy. He probably will not be making the squad.

Matt Bonner
He made both his threes because the game didn't matter. He's waiting for the playoffs to really piss me off.

James Gist
Austin Toro for life. The dude has style though. He was rocking all sorts of accessories tonight.

Marcus Cousin
I thought he had a solid game. There is nothing flashy about him, but I could see him as a serviceable backup center in the league at some point.

Garret Temple
I feel like picking him up in my fantasy football league on the off chance that a NFL team picks him up as a running back. This guy is shifty and skilled. I hope he gets a good amount of playing time this year.

George Hill
Hill had better bring his A game this year. Temple could definitely sniper some of this minutes.

Alonzo Gee
Austin Toro for life.

Curtis Jerrels
I thought he looked good. I'm not sure if we have the room, but this guy will make the league somewhere. His shot is a little funky, but it goes in so I'm not going to complain.

Gary Neal
He's my favorite acquisition, aside from Tiago, obviously. I like shooters and this guy has a strong dose of Ray Allen in him. His shot has a silky smooth quality that makes you think, "That's going in" every time.

James Anderson
He looked really good last night. I read that he had a poor game against Houston, but let me tell you this guy can help us this year. He can shoot, yeah we know, but more importantly his defense was spot on tonight. He had two great blocks that exhibited his timing and anticipation. He has decent height and his frame is fairly wide. It should be fun watching his develop this season.

Chris Bosh
I'm sorry but he's less than intimidating. Way less. He looks like an anorexic Lamar Odom. I refuse to consider him elite.

Dwayne Wade
He should get used to the bench. Karma is going to kill the Heat. I promise. And the easiest target is Mr. Wade.

Lebron James
What a dick.