ZOMG! Stampler Live Blog Draft!
If you're curious, my game is decidedly white, European, and soft. In other words, I'm the ideal Spur. I have almost no handle to speak of, my back to the basket game is beyond pitiful, despite me being one of the taller guys out there, generally, and my rebounding is sporadic.
My strengths? Pretty creative passer, with decent vision, a fairly decent, ever-improving three point shot (like Manu I take a higher percentage of my shots from beyond the stripe every year), a trusty Duncan-like banker from the elbows, and I'm a good shot blocker, though not nearly the Robinson-type swatting machine I was in my early 20's.
Most frustrating of all, I'm Finley-level streaky. Some games I'm like the best guy out there in a 4-on-4 or 3-on-3 (for example, in one 3-on-3 game our team were decided underdogs on paper but we won 19-17 and I had 11 points), other games it looks like I've never played before, missing lay-ups, bricking open threes, getting outhustled for boards, making dumb turnovers, your basic nightmare Manu package.
Where was I? So yeah, I'm probably not going to play this upcoming Thursday so I can live blog this stupid, talentless draft where I hardly know any of the players and where the Spurs don't have any of the first 36 picks. I'm psyched!
For the record, if it wasn't obvious enough, I don't see any help coming from said draft, and I doubt that the current roster, plus Mahinmi and Gist, if they're even a part of it next year, and a healthy Manu will be enough to get us over the hump. The team simply must need to add (and subtract) some guys through free agency, and I'm trying to not be too skeptical about their plans, but we'll see.
However I have not abandoned all hope. My Philadelphia Eagles are actually a source of comfort and inspiration for once. For most of the free agency period, they did nothing. Their sexiest signing was Stacy Andrews, a slightly above-average right tackle formerly of the Cincinnati Bengals. They had seven veteran free agents of their own, the majority of which I wanted to return, and they let all but one go. The fans were practically rioting.
But then, a few weeks later, they signed a decent safety in Sean Jones from the Cleveland Browns, an athletic fullback I've always liked in Leonard Weaver from the Seattle Seahawks, and their real coup, getting two-time Pro Bowl left tackle Jason Peters from the Buffalo Bills for a first round pick.
Add to that a boffo draft, where they picked up wide receiver Jeremy Maclin from Missouri, the top rated guy at his position in many team's draft boards, running back LeSean McCoy from Pittsburgh who is perfectly suited for our offense, and an athletic tight end fifth round steal in Cornelius Ingram from Florida, and now our offense looks positively loaded and a lot of the experts out there are predicting a Super Bowl trip for my Iggles.
The Eagles front office is cheap and filled with idiots. If they can have get it right this offseason, then there's no reason the Spurs can't. You just have to be creative with the cap and in your trades, thorough with your scouting and evaluations and realistic about the strengths and weaknesses of your team. Tim, Manu, Tony, and George Hill? Strengths. Everyone else? Weaknesses. It's that easy. I should charge them a consultation fee.
Anyway, come join me as I make fun of the ESPN nitwits, the players' obese mothers, and in all likelihood, some of the insightful things you witty sheeple will write in the comments section. If you're really lucky you'll get to witness me completely lose my shit when the Spurs trade Manu.
If that ever comes to pass, I promise to post a rant so epic that not only will it get me permanently banned from PtR, but almost certainly the entire internet as well.
Which, if you really think about it, would probably be good for me, but I digress.