The Legend of Tim Duncan's Hammer

A legend singing about a legend.

Listen to this while you read and imagine these are the lyrics.

Legend of Tim Duncan (mp3)

Tim Duncan's pappy woke him up one midnight
He said "Before the hurricane comes I wanna tell you."  Said "listen boy
learn to hoist a J and learn to lay it up, learn to pick and roll too
And take that hammer, it'll do anything you tell it to."

Tim Duncan's mammy had a couple of babies
Tim Duncan's pappy had a couple too.
The pool got washed out and the coach still wanted money
He said, "I'll pay you a quarter at a time startin' tomorrow
that's the pay for a rock pounder on this team."

The college coach said, "Hey!  Hammer-swinger!
I see you brought your own hammer, boy, but what else can all them muscles do?
And he said, "I can hoist a banker, I can lay it up, I can pick and roll too."
"Can you swing that hammer?"  "Yes sir, I'll do anything you want me to.

(on draft day, by Coach Pop)
"Now ain't you something!  So high and mighty with all that muscle!  Go ahead, boy!
Pick up that hammer, and show me what you can do!"

He said to get a big boulder and swing that hammer down three times
I'll pay you 1/4 mill a day for every inch you sink it to
Go and do what you say you can do

With a steep-nosed hammer on a 7-foot long body
Tim Duncan raised it back til' it touched his heels then
The spike went through the big rock and split it half in two
$25/mill a year for pounding rocks
"Sweat Boy!  Sweat!  You owe two more swings!"
"
He said, I was born for pounding rocks!"

Now, Tim Duncan hammered in the Alamodome
He'd give a grunt and he'd give groan with every swing
The Spurs fans from miles around heard him and come down
Said watch him make the cold rock ring, "Lord, what a swinger!"
Watch him make the cold rock ring

Then David Stern came up laughing at Tim Duncan
He said, "You're full of vinegar now, but you're about through!
We gonna find a prima donna to do your share of winning
Then what's all them fundamentals gonna do? Huh, Tim Duncan?
Gonna take a little bit of vinegar out of you.

Tim Duncan said, "I got four teammates"
and little Georgie's walkin' on his knees
Now did the Lord say that preening ought to take the place of winning?
Then what's a substitute for all these trophies?  I ain't seen it!
Do punks get rewarded for their preen?

Then Tim Duncan said to the commish, "A man ain't nothing but a man
but you can bring that prima donna 'round I'll beat it fair and honest.
I'll die with this hammer in my hand, but I'll be laughin'
cause you can't replace a trophy-winning man.

There was a big crowd of people at the arena.
Tim Duncan said to the prima donna "How is you?
Pardon me, Mr Prima Donna, I suppose you didn't hear me I said how are you, huh?
Well, can you make a J, can you lay it up, can you pick and roll too, huh?
Listen, this hammer-swinger's talkin to you.

Twenty thousand people hollered, "Go Tim Duncan"
Then somebody hollered, "The Spurs are gonna lose"
Tim Duncan told Coach Pop, "Tell the kind-folks don't worry
It ain't nothing but my hammer sucking wind, it keeps me breathin
This is rock pounders muscle we're gonna win

Coach Pop tell the people to move back further
I'm at the podium and there ain't no Prima donna
He's so far behind that he don't got the brains to quit
When he blows up he'll deny all responsibility
When he blows up they'll fire his coach after the series"

(in the distant future, make sure to catch the TWSS moment)
Now, Tim Duncan had a young apprentice
I believe the young man's name was Little Ian, that was his French name
Tim Duncan threw his hammer over his shoulder and went on home
Early next fall he said,
"Come here Little Ian, come here sugar (heh)
You know, I been laying here watching the season start
and I believe this is the first time I've seen the season start that I couldn't start with it.
He said, "Take that hammer Little Ian and go to David Stern
When your swingin for the big man, tell him that ain't all I can do
I can shoot a J, I can lay it up, I can pick and roll too.
Ain't no prima donna can, that's been proved to you.

There was a big crowd of PtR'ers in Springfield
The commish put his bust up on the stand
Punks go by on the path Tim Duncan laid.
They slow down and take off their headbands
when they come to where he's sitting, resting his knees
They say, "Morning rock-pounder, you sure was a hammer-swinger"
Then they go on by pickin' up a little bit of class.  Clicket-clack.

Yeah, yonder lies a rock-pounding man, lord lord
Yonder lies a rock-pounding man
Yeah, yonder lies a rock-pounding man, lord lord
Yonder lies a rock-pounding man
Yeah, yonder lies a rock-pounding man, lord lord
Yonder lies a rock-pounding man