Welcome new readers (what PtR is all about)!

As some of you have noticed, PtR and the other SB Nation blogs are now loosely affiliated with Yahoo, via a link box on team specific pages. The powers that be have instructed me to write some sort of welcoming post for the flood of new users (all eight of them, though traffic has increased by about 25%). A little something that will explain the rules of the blog and give the newbs some idea of what PtR is all about.

So that's what this post is supposed to be. Except I only have 35 minutes to write it, meaning it will be woefully inadequate, and I am therefore relying on you, PtR brethren, to fill in the gaps via the comments, and I will eventually compile everything into a voluminous user guide: like a Dungeon Master's guide, but lamer.

1) We have rules. Actually, I have rules, and I force the "you" part of "we" to follow them. I'll put them at the end, because 95% of the people reading this already know (and are tired of hearing) them.

2) The first version of this blog was a solo effort by yours truly, located on blogger.com (back then there were maybe 15 NBA bloggers on the entirety of the internets). I moved over to SB Nation soon thereafter. Since the move PtR has added three main contributors, aaronstampler, AusTechSpur and LatinD. More on them later.

3) We love Manu Ginobili here. Our affection to this man goes beyond reason and normal human emotion. We joke that he is the son of the Flying Spaghetti Monster in the sky (in other words, god), and that he has therefore been blessed with special abilities and worthy of all forms praise, except I'm not sure all of us are joking. We believe he is one of the fifteen to twenty best basketball players in the world. Aaronstampler claims to love him the most. I would claim otherwise, that maybe it's me who harbors the most affection towards The Sickness, but then stampler would point out the one time, years ago, I intimated it wouldn't be a bad idea to consider trading Manu straight up for Kevin Martin. He will never let me live this down. Nor should he; I blasphemed, and had it been anybody else we probably would have had them banned from the blog and / or bludgeoned.

4) We love nicknames here. We have oodles of them. More than we know what to do with. In item 3), "The Sickness" refers to Manu Ginobili. That was the first PtR nickname, coined before PtR was in existence. Every player has more than one, and we generally only use nicknames we come up with. Eventually I will dedicate entire posts to the history of PtR nicknames.

5) Jacque Vaughn sucks. HE SUCKS. THIS IS NOT OPEN FOR DISCUSSION.

6) Michael Finley also sucks. Some folks think this is open for discussion, and it is, for the sole reason I can't ban people for being wrong, else I'd be the only one here.

7) In general, we (excluding me), don't give Tony Parker enough credit. We just don't. For example, myself and some PtR folk were at the Wizards game a couple nights ago. Parker executed a flawless 1 on 2 fastbreak (as he is wont to do), and PtR member tomasito said "Should have passed to Manu; he was open." We laughed and nodded. Manu was on the bench. In street clothes.

8) Tim Duncan is named Tim. That's really all you need to know. This is an inside joke that I may have screwed up. We have lots of inside jokes, half of them of which I am probably totally unaware:

9) Like Argentines WRITE IN ALL CAPS. WHY? I DON'T KNOW, I JUST WORK HERE.

10) Like TWSS = "That's what she said." This would be the dumbest meme of this blog if it weren't for #12. This year we had an influx of women on the blog (read: two new female members in one week), and this somehow led to TWSS. It's puerile and silly, but generally doesn't involve into lewdness.

11) Like fish. Hipuks posts pictures of fish in our game threads. Why? Because I don't allow pictures of cheerleaders. I think that's why; I'm not even sure. We like Hipuks' pictures of fish. We need them. Apparently it's important for:

12) Mojo. People, excluding me, believe in mojo here. Wearing the lucky shirt, not shaving after a win, that sort of stuff. How strong is the belief? Allow me to demonstrate. "I think mojo is a crock, there's nothing any of us can do to influence the outcome of any sporting event. Fuck mojo in it's fucking ear." Now go down to the comment sections, and determine what percentage of the first 100 comments are dedicated to reversing the bad mojo I just introduced. I'm guessing about 75%.

13) Aaronstampler is the most talented writer on the site. Furthermore, his writing about the Spurs is the best you're going to find. Anywhere. He's also Turkish and has never been to Texas. He recaps every game, usually within 1 to 15 days of the game ending, except when he doesn't recap them at all.

14) AusTechSpur does about half the game threads. He is nice and old, but doesn't smell old, at all, so we keep him around.

15) LatinD is from Argentina. He does the other half of the game threads and likes dunks, cheerleaders and dunking cheerleaders.

16) I'm the killjoy.

17) Our most hated player? Chris Paul, by a considerable margin. We acknowledge his skill, but can't help but notice his tendency to flop around and whine incessantly. It's embarrassing, and that's saying a lot coming from a Spurs fan. At least Fabricio Oberto has an excuse for flopping: he sucks.

18) Rules? Any inappropriate language concerning any group of people will get you immediately banned. By groups I mean African-Americans, etc. (race), Muslims, etc. (religion), homosexuals (sexual orientation / identity), etc. and women. Derogatory terms, whether directed at a member of the group or not, will get you banned. Usings terms such as "faggot" or "bitch" IN ANY CONTEXT will get you banned. If you don't like it you can kiss my cracker ass.

19) More rules? Yep. No pictures of cheerleaders. No pictures of women. No links to pictures of cheerleaders or women. No talk about sex, about who you think is hot, about who you want to do what to. There about 7 hundred bazillion sites out there for that business. This is not one of them. I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT THIS OR ANY OTHER RULE.

20) We curse here. Not an egregious amount, but it happens.

21) This is not a professional blog. This is not a professional anything. We don't pander to players, to coaches or to other members of the media. What the fuck is the point of that? You can get that anywhere. We give honest, unfiltered opinions about the Spurs and the NBA, with a heavy dose of irreverence and self-loathing. And pictures of fish.

So welcome. Enjoy. Auf wiedersehen good night.

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