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Around SBN: The Worst Team Ever Projected?

Ginobilli vs. Dracula, Chapter 10

Beno Udrih waited at the doorstep of Tony Parker's spacious northside home. The ravishing auburn haired beauty, ostensibly his date, refused to take his arm. She spoke quickly, fangs in her voice, "Remember minion, I am only here for Ginobili. You can have the rest."

Beno licked his lips. They both smelled Tony's warm blood as he approached. But less than a moment after opening the door, Tony sprinted back into the house. "The snails are burning!" he yelled as he ran to the grill.

Beno and the slender form stood panting at the threshold. "Tony, invite us in!" Beno pleaded.

"No need to stand on ceremony," Eva Longoria-Parker sing-songed from the kitchen. Still they waited.

The wind behind the pair picked up and gusted with malevolence. "Come inside, Beno, the air is freezing," Eva politely demanded.

The two shades smirked and stepped into the Parkers' living room. Their hungry looks and red eyes found ornamental cross hanging on every wall. Every square inch of end-table and mantle space displayed either an artisan crucifix or a statuette of the Virgin Mary.

Eva met the two with a smile like a summer sun, "My Abuelita's collection! Do you like it? I am from Corpus Christi, you know." She dipped a Wendy's french fry in her Frosty. "Timmy and Michael Finley are in the kitchen."

The peppy Eva was oblivious to her guests' discomfort. "Manu can't make it, but we have HEB Christmas cookies."

"I am out of here, fool!" The lithe shade snapped at the hapless Beno. She flipped a black silk shawl over her shoulders and vanished.

Eva  looked up from her Frosty. "Where's your date, Beno?" She offered him a bowl on a silver platter, "You have to try Tony's garlic dip."

Beno quivered and ran for the yard. Eva's bichon frise followed barking. "Oh good! Will you make sure Terri does her doggy business outside, Beno?"

Beno turned and lunged for the lap dog with fangs barred and desperate hunger in his red eyes. The small dog squealed as it squeezed from his grip. It flipped in the air and sunk its teeth into Beno's posterior.

Gregg Popovich stepped from his car in time to see Beno rolling on the grass haplessly lunging at the growling, snapping dog. Pop peered down at the back-up point guard he traded to the Kings for cap relief.

Coach Popovich's withering look said it all: Beno failed even as a vampire. Beno threw himself on top a wooden twig.

Pop stepped over Beno and into the home. "I brought wine, guys -- a California malbec Phil Jackson sent me last month."

Star-divide

"I'm going to say Phil Jackson is the greatest, smartest coach of all time," Lakers forward Luke Walton said to the LA Times writer, smiling.

Luke held that smile convincingly until the last of the reporters left the locker-room. Then he added the determined brow he learned from aping his father's expressions as a small child. Luke crank-rolled the newly-tinted windows of his pimped purple and gold 1994 Jeep Cherokee. He pulled onto I-10 and found a pace in the fast lane. Only then did the smile supernova into escalating sobs.

Comment 20 comments  |  9 recs  | 

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You’ve still got me hooked, Pen.

One question, I thought a malbec was an Argentina wine?

Superman wears Manu Ginobili pajamas to bed. - CMoney

by bellasa on Dec 13, 2009 2:34 AM CST via mobile reply actions  

I just happened to have a lovely Mendoza Malbec at dinner tonight.

Superman wears Manu Ginobili pajamas to bed. - CMoney

by bellasa on Dec 13, 2009 2:36 AM CST via mobile up reply actions  

Weird, I have some online friends from Mendoza. Those people are nuts.

The Spurs - now playing like sh*t again!

by Tim C. on Dec 13, 2009 11:19 AM CST up reply actions  

The Argeninian variety is very popular, but there are some French and USAian Malbecs, I believe.

Straight from the No-Stat Zone to your computer!
Dunkin' Cheerleaders

by LatinD on Dec 13, 2009 8:00 AM CST up reply actions  

She dipped a Wendy’s french fry in her Frosty

That made me melt. Oh Eva.

When the tooth fairy's own tooth falls out, it is taken during the night by Princess Peanut.

by the little o on Dec 13, 2009 3:30 AM CST reply actions  

But my friends and I invented dipping the fries in the Frosty! I knew we should’ve had that patented.

"Yes, it's important that I have good numbers, and I'm well-respected as a player. But I think it's more important that I'm respected as a man." - Some Tall Guy Who Wore #50

by theonlyromeo on Dec 14, 2009 3:15 AM CST up reply actions  

I don’t know who invented it, and to be honest, i’m not a fan of doing that, but for some reason, every lady friend that i’ve taken to wendy’s (i’m counting 5 right now) always likes dipping her fries in the frosty. I find it cute that they all like it. I of course, have to kill the mojo, by making them guess how many nuggets I can fit in my mouth at once, my record is 6.

When the tooth fairy's own tooth falls out, it is taken during the night by Princess Peanut.

by the little o on Dec 14, 2009 1:04 PM CST up reply actions  

It’s funny how close you are to PEN.

The Spurs - now playing like sh*t again!

by Tim C. on Dec 14, 2009 1:45 PM CST up reply actions  

funny to you maybe. okay, a little funny for me too. Maybe I’ve passed by PEN in public and didn’t even realize it. Maybe we’re both in the same computer pods in the Flushing library right now. ::Looks around to see any PtRish screens within the vicinity::
Maybe it’s best if I didn’t meet PEN, for his sake at least, I can be rather annoying.

When the tooth fairy's own tooth falls out, it is taken during the night by Princess Peanut.

by the little o on Dec 14, 2009 4:58 PM CST up reply actions  

Six is a good number, by the way. I’ll tell you if I top that.

"Yes, it's important that I have good numbers, and I'm well-respected as a player. But I think it's more important that I'm respected as a man." - Some Tall Guy Who Wore #50

by theonlyromeo on Dec 14, 2009 7:27 PM CST up reply actions  

haha, okay. It’s really, really difficult to chew with all of them in there. Good luck.

When the tooth fairy's own tooth falls out, it is taken during the night by Princess Peanut.

by the little o on Dec 14, 2009 8:47 PM CST up reply actions  

jrw is displeased.

The Spurs - now playing like sh*t again!

by Tim C. on Dec 14, 2009 10:47 PM CST up reply actions  

It’s not as bad as it looks on the face of it. He’s not saying that 6 is better than 5, just that it’s a good number.

Which is, after all, not completely untrue. 6 is utterly serviceable in a scruffy, finite kind of way. It’s nowhere near the excellence of 5, but then again, what number is?

Consider the gun jumped
5 in 10

by J.R. Wilco on Dec 17, 2009 12:42 AM CST up reply actions  

Aaah, Beno. Did he commit vampire suicide? There goes the Kings’ bench.

Straight from the No-Stat Zone to your computer!
Dunkin' Cheerleaders

by LatinD on Dec 13, 2009 8:01 AM CST reply actions  

HEB seasonal cookies!!!!

who are you who can summon fire without flint or tinder? there are some who call me ... tim.

by ptruser on Dec 13, 2009 2:09 PM CST reply actions  

Poor, poor Beno!

I have flying monkeys at my disposal, and I'm not afraid to use them.

by Lauri on Dec 13, 2009 2:31 PM CST reply actions  

Only then did the smile supernova into escalating sobs.

Sometimes a sentence comes along that forces you to end your self-imposed month-long hiatus, and comment upon its surpassing beauty. The above is such a sentence.

Thank you, PEN. Rec’d as always.

Consider the gun jumped
5 in 10

by J.R. Wilco on Dec 13, 2009 10:36 PM CST reply actions  

“Coach Pop’s withering look said it all” - Oh yessss!

If less is more, imagine how much more more would be.

by JonnyJam on Dec 14, 2009 2:17 PM CST reply actions  

Best chapter yet!

LOLz: Tony’s snails, Eva’s frosty fries (+ you captured her personality so well!), Beno’s twig (bwahahaha!), and that most xlnt last line…but why didn’t Pop yell at Beno to get off the lawn!?!?

Honestly. You kids today, with your hippity-hop music and your Twiddle. - Lauri

by p2cat on Dec 14, 2009 3:11 PM CST reply actions  

Easy. Because it wasn’t his.

Consider the gun jumped
5 in 10

by J.R. Wilco on Dec 14, 2009 3:26 PM CST up reply actions  

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