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At my Funeral

To my future funeral planners, or whoever is in charge of me in 2109:

Let’s have some giant streamers printed with my face and fly them around the room, so when they float over the audience it causes a creepy hushed moment. Then play polka music to clear the palette.

In between all of the hoopla, add in a little pyrotechnics. Place rockets inside the casket, open the door suddenly and watch the sparks fly. (Hand out sparklers for the kids)

Please allow Tim Duncan to speak at my funeral, and if he is not available find someone who looks like Tim Duncan and put him on stilts.

For Tim Duncan, a pre prepared speech:

"For all of you who ever had a problem with JT, how do you feel now? He’s dead. Let that forever hang on your conscious like a piece of stranded spaghetti hanging off of your crooked folds of meat that you call lips.

When JT became President of the galaxy in the late teens, we all thought his inability to complete a sentence would hamper him from capturing the alien hearts. But they loved him, and granted him the power of whistling loudly through his teeth, which he always wanted. (Play a recording of me whistling through my teeth, and wait for the awes from the crowd to subside)

If he were here today, he’d apologize for all the wrongs he did. He would be lying, and totally faking it. A 129 year old male apologizes to no one.

Please feel free to donate to his memorial: A cloning project for JT.


Thank you, and no, we do not validate parking for your hover cars, which JT helped invent
."

Lights dim, and the party is over.

 

Duncantawny_medium

via 3.bp.blogspot.com


1 recs  |  Comment 10 comments

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Comments

Display:

…And yet, I enjoyed this.

Straight from the No-Stat Zone to your computer!
Dunkin' Cheerleaders

by LatinD on Oct 24, 2009 4:59 PM CDT reply actions   0 recs

Haha and PTR continues its streak of random posts that in no way relate to the Spurs or anything at all. And for that… I applaud you.

by Rich Town on Oct 24, 2009 7:17 PM CDT reply actions   0 recs

Thanks. I wasn’t quite sure if I should post this here, but I respect the heck out of Tim Duncan. I thought I had posted the picture right, but it’s just the link. My wife took that photo before she was my wife.

Neither he nor Gob were prepared for the challenges of using cats to catch a seal.

by Cedarpark on Oct 24, 2009 7:55 PM CDT reply actions   0 recs

Of course you should. This is what PTR should aspire to.

…In a way. :)

Straight from the No-Stat Zone to your computer!
Dunkin' Cheerleaders

by LatinD on Oct 24, 2009 8:23 PM CDT up reply actions   0 recs

PtR members are getting more insane every year.

I had a kick out of this, CP. Very nice :)

by silverandblack_davis on Oct 24, 2009 8:51 PM CDT reply actions   0 recs

The crazier the better. This post wins plaudits for morbid freshness

To Manu belongs 999 names. 1,000 – 1. One must keep the names hidden in the deep recesses of the soul. Only by uttering the names in utter reverence and sheer terror shall one experience sublime ecstasy. And as one meditates upon each divine name, one ascends into a higher state of enlightenment. Upon reaching the 999th level, one enters Nirvana and comes into the presence of the Immortal One and gorges on alfajores to your heart’s content.

by 'DSilverlining on Oct 24, 2009 11:25 PM CDT up reply actions   0 recs

I have no idea where this shit came from but I loved it. Not a word wasted.

Just call me The Profit

by Manuwar on Oct 25, 2009 12:06 AM CDT reply actions   0 recs

It’s so wonderful to know that we’re not alone.

:: reminder to self… don’t forget to take your meds ::

Superman wears Manu Ginobili pajamas to bed. - CMoney

by bellasa on Oct 25, 2009 9:37 AM CDT reply actions   0 recs

Meds, as in alcohol, right girl? I don’t check PtR for a few day, and this is what I come back to. As Lauri would say, “These are my people.”

My people call it "sarcasm." - Lauri

by CapHill on Oct 25, 2009 11:45 AM CDT up reply actions   0 recs

ummm, yeah… sure. That’s exactly what I meant.

Superman wears Manu Ginobili pajamas to bed. - CMoney

by bellasa on Oct 25, 2009 8:14 PM CDT up reply actions   0 recs

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