FanPost

Gist, Blair Destroy Tokyo in Mutant Rampage.

Tokyo, Japan- In a series of events that shockingly hearkened back to Universal Monster movies of the 60s and 70's, Spurs forwards DeJuan Blair and James Gist have completely destroyed the city of Tokyo. News of the unstoppable mutant rampage broke shortly after 6pm EST, just as Asian Stock exchanges were ringing their opening bells. Witnesses all seem to recount the two gigantic black men sending thousands of civilians running for their lives as they ran forth from the sea and began to fell entire city blocks with their raucous horseplay.

Though reports are still hitting news desks around the world, they all seem to have the common thread of Gist and Blair laughing with glee as they stormed through Tokyo streets with the enthusiastic smiles of two 400 ft tall five year olds on Kool Aid and PCP. Several eyewitness accounts have assured various media outlets that the destruction was similar to "that game, Rampage, except worse, but sort of better because Rampage sucked." At press time, no reports of either Mothra attack, or Japanese boys dubbed by women have been confirmed.

When interviewed at Wednesday's practice, neither Gist nor Blair could contain their excitement as they recounted their story to the throng of media that had suddenly flooded to the AT&T Center in the sprawling crack ghetto of San Antonio. "Say, G. You remember when we came up outta that ocean and was like PWISSSSSSHHHHHH?" Blair detailed unintelligibly as he made various hand movements to detail something that probably related in some way to the billions of dollars caused in property damage. "Yeah, that shit was cool man." Gist added. "But when yo ass saw them planes coming, and was like BOOOOOSH! Them dudes was like Han Solo in that meteor shower or something." Gist briefly apologized when his own enthusiastic gestures made contact with a CNN cameraman, killing him instantly.

Though onsite recollections are still sparse, several accounts have leaked to the press describing one of the two standing atop various buildings in the downtown area, making pelvic thrusts towards circling news choppers, while the other rocked the B-Boy stance at incoming tanks. Though it cannot be confirmed as to who was doing what, it has been ascertained that several Sony Playstations were damaged when the two had a lightsaber fight with flag poles they tore off of a nearby baseball field. "That shit was the realest." Blair commented. "G was like Darth Maul up in that piece, goin' like WHOOOAAAAMMMMMM" Though nobody in the locker room was entirely sure what that meant, Tim Duncan was able to assuage confusion by informing reporters that Blair had been simulating the louder audible hum made by Darth Maul's double sided lightsaber, which required an additional power crystal to add the second blade. Duncan then strode out of the locker room muttering "Nerds...." to himself.

Despite the international outcry that has arisen from the duo's spirited bouts of science fiction sword fighting, both US President Barack Obama and NBA Commissioner David Stern are mum as to what will be done to discipline the two . Insider sources point to a season long suspension being the most likely, but only if either refuses to level the entire Oklahoma City Thunder facilities, which both Stern and Obama agree was a total shit storm and sucks way harder than Rampage did.

ESPN wire sources have confirmed similar experiments to destroy cities by other teams have been unsuccessful. New York area reporters have disclosed that both Darko Milicic and Al Harrington were foiled in their attempt to destroy the small pacific island of Fiji when the duo was turned away by several islanders in a pontoon canoe. The Phoenix Suns also reported similar failure to level New Delhi. Initial reports indicated that the early goings were successful, but were stemmed when they shot themselves in the foot by trading Leandro Barbosa for Derrick Coleman's Luby's card midway through the operation.

This is fan-created content on PoundingtheRock.com. The opinion here is not necessarily shared by the editorial staff at Pounding the Rock.

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