Another FanPost for Things that are...

by sungo on Jan 29, 2009 9:24 PM CST

Fucking Awesome!

So rice is like important and shit. Some folks, whose only trangressions were being born in the wrong country or in the wrong family, pretty much live off this rice stuff. They grow it and they eat it and they get by. But sometimes the rains rain too much and that shit floods. And see the rice is all chill for a couple days, but then it wacks out and tries growing real fast to get out the water, and by the time the waters recede it's done shot it's proverbial ricecake and it dies. And then these folks have nothing to eat, and shit gets ugly and people die.

So this scientist right, this Dr. Pamela Ronald, was all "yo fuck that." They had this one rice that could live for like 17 days underwater, but it tasted all nasty ass. So she was all "ain't no thing" and did some fancy gene isolatin' and what not and figured out what made this nasty rice magical-like. She took the magicness and magicbred it into some sweet ass tastin' rice and fucking blammo! Flood resistant rice that tastes delish. That shit will eventually save millions of lives. Millions of people. Actual people. Real, living people. That grow rice and laugh and love and steal and borrow and all sorts of things.

That's fucking awesome.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/TECH/science/01/29/waterproof.rice/index.html

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70% of my meals involve rice. It used to be a higher percentage prior to moving to the US.

by LasEspuelas on Jan 30, 2009 8:07 AM CST reply actions

Im a student who just went to live alone. So 80% I eat rice because im lazy, very lazy. Can of tuna + rice = easyyyy

"It's a basic truth of the human condition that everybody lies. The only variable is about what."

by Chilai on Jan 30, 2009 11:22 AM CST reply actions

That's disgusting...

Leave the gun; take the Ginobili.

by surfergirlsa on Jan 30, 2009 4:07 PM CST up reply actions

You get used to it afer a while

"It's a basic truth of the human condition that everybody lies. The only variable is about what."

by Chilai on Jan 30, 2009 7:30 PM CST up reply actions

i love rice. white rice, brown rice, pilaf, the rice at rio rio cantina – even the instant shit in a box. whatever. i cannot say that i am surprised to hear more awsomeness about rice….but i sure do appreciate you passing it along.

by bones on Jan 30, 2009 11:25 AM CST reply actions

That’s fucking awesome until the bioengineered super rice develops a taste for humans, rather than the other way around…

Catch the Spurs Spirit! It's a Fast-breakin' Fiesta!

by tomasito on Jan 30, 2009 1:14 PM CST reply actions

I don’t really eat rice, so this doesn’t affect me… Therefore I don’t give a damn.

(Can’t let ATS and Hipuks think I’m anything but the selfish, self-absorbed Harvard student they like to picture. No illusion-crushing for me…)

Leave the gun; take the Ginobili.

by surfergirlsa on Jan 30, 2009 3:50 PM CST reply actions

Rice is not fucking awesome. Rice is the tasteless white pieces of rabbit shit that i eat twice a day, every day. Sometimes with lentils, sometimes with chicken, sometimes with veggies, but still the same, every day.

I'm comfortable winning -- Emmanuel Ginobili

by pollackj on Jan 30, 2009 10:41 PM CST reply actions

I got something fucking awesome for you

Since we are talking about feeding people, my wife works in the agriculture industry here in Texas. The part that deals with meat. A HUGE part of the industry is around artificial insemination. Good sperm is a valuable resource. 1 cc of rooster sperm goes for $1500. They have special machines for extracting the sperm for cows and chickens. But they don’t have one for pigs. Apparently, pigs with their higher developed smarts aren’t fulled by blow-up-doll type contraptions and require a more “organic” touch.

So, vets have to ejaculate pigs by hand. However, once you start, you can’t stop. An unsatisfied pig can get rowdy and violent causing serious injury or even death. Sometimes, the pig isn’t really ready to do his thing and a man might have to work the pig for over an hour. Grown men have been known to break out in tears from the pain.

None of that is fucking awesome. What IS fucking awesome is that they finally developed a tool to not have to make grown men ejaculate pigs. Now they have a cool new piece of equipment called an “electro ejaculator” that they stick in the pigs ass and shock him into ejaculating.

True stuff. Enjoy your bacon this morning.

We specialize in misinformation around here. Facts and stats just get in the way.

by Wayne Vore (ATS) on Jan 31, 2009 12:25 AM CST reply actions

I’ll tell you what’s true, ATS. You’re JUST like Pop … always with the motivational speech when we really need it.

We can simply think of this post the next time we’re tempted to start hating on our jobs, and realize that it may be bad, but at least we’re not crying from the pain of working a pig for over an hour in a vain attempt simulate a sow to collect his ejaculate.

I feel better already.

I am calm, filling myself with patience - Manu Ginobili

by J.R. Wilco on Jan 31, 2009 2:26 AM CST up reply actions

a sow? is this one of those hermaphrodite pigs i’ve been hearing about?

by sleep research facility on Jan 31, 2009 3:25 AM CST up reply actions

Would that be something to reveal on a first date? So, what do you do? I’m a pig fluffer.

"Long ago there were these two awful towns. Sodom, named after sodomy, and Gomorrah, named after...after an even weirder move"- The Professor Brothers

by Hipuks on Jan 31, 2009 2:46 AM CST up reply actions

thats what the vet who drives the white van with tinted windows said.

by bones on Jan 31, 2009 7:35 AM CST up reply actions

ok man, i only jumped into this thread to add saffron rice to rice list. had it last night with dinner. very good….but then i read this bit about jerking pigs off…..i dont even know how to process this information.

on one hand – i love bacon. you talk bad about bacon, you talk bad baout me. and this isnt talking down bacon necessarily, but it is tripping me out right now.

also – me and a bunch of my bengals-fan buddies often refer to certain opponent players as “pig-fuxxers.” well, let me tell you, this pig jerk-offer thing is gonna open up a whole new level of name calling for us.

more levels to this onion?!?!? you bet. i know this girl who is in some kind of social service where she delivers meals and drugs to people who cant get out of their house. she always tells us the story of this crazy old lady who jerks off her cat when it goes into heat……at least the kind of animal pleasuring going on down there is for science.

then there is the whole pig blue-balls angle. not to mention the bit about pigs not going for the fake pig ladies………..

after all of this, i still have a couple of questions. where can i find the porn sites featuring this pig jerking off? you know they exist. too good of an opportunity there. my other question is where can i buy one of those electro getter offers? those things could come in real handy…..think about all the single guys we could sell this thing to…..

this much is for sure, i will greet any any texas vet i meet from here on out with a pat on the back rather than a handshake.

by bones on Jan 31, 2009 7:56 AM CST up reply actions