White, mostly, with maybe little flecks of dirt, tobacco juice and poop.
Hash browns are supposed to be a crispy golden brown, but the way most people cook them, they’re a soggy yellow. I’m happy I’m not a breakfast person.

(always subject to change)…
10. Gold Lion – Yeah Yeah Yeahs
9. The Exploding Boy – The Cure
8. With Or Without You – U2
7. Mary Jane’s Last Dance – Tom Petty
6. Coma White – Marilyn Manson
5. Charlotte Sometimes – The Cure
4. Lie To Me – Depeche Mode
3. Love Will Tear Us Apart – Joy Division
2. Losing My Religion – R.E.M
1. Just Like Heaven – The Cure

Sorry to disappoint you, but my answer is Rich Aurilia, of course. My all time favorite shortstop, and the last holdover from the team that should’ve won it all in ’00 and ’02. Plus I like the song that they play whenever he comes up, "No Sleep ‘Til Brooklyn" by The Beastie Boys.

Timmy absolutely wouldn’t have blown it in ‘95 and he probably would’ve gotten further than Dave a couple other times too. Timmy has the cajones in May and June that David did not. He would’ve dealt with Rodman in a better way, for sure. That foolishness wouldn’t have lasted so long.

But the thing is, there’s no way we would be able to draft the ‘97 Robinson if their timelines were reversed because Duncan doesn’t have the injury history Robinson had and I doubt he’d have missed the whole ‘96 season.

Whining and flopping are two different things. I don’t think they flop as much as Phoenix, Dallas, or Cleveland, and there’s probably two or three others I could name. Oberto definitely flops more than Manu as far as the Spurs go.

As for whining, the Spurs probably do whine more than anybody, but that’s only because the way they do it by NBA standards isn’t manly. They hardly ever swear and don’t really belittle the refs. I’m not sure if I’ve ever seen one of our guys mouth “cocksucker” or “motherfucker” to a ref. We really don’t get T’d up too much, so therefore we’re whining. The Pistons and Nuggets, get a lot of T’s, so they’re assholes. That’s the difference.

I had that dream once upon a time too, but then Orlando re-signed him. Alas. But yeah, if Howard keeps improving his game, I would think a title would be in his future at some point. If he just settles for being merely “good” then it won’t happen. It depends how hungry he is to improve. His offensive game is still very, very raw and it doesn’t seem as though he’s developing any go to moves and his defensive focus comes and goes.

Really by the time he’s like 27 or so, if he’s not a 28-18-4 guy, it means he’s wasting his talent.

My sister says I do have man boobs, and I wear neither. I have my pride.

Innie. Outies are fucking gross. What do you do with a chick with an outie? Are you supposed to nibble on it or would that freak her out? Because I’m a nibbler.

I drive and park on the sidewalk. I’m a very poor driver as I’m careless, unfocused, and probably legally blind.

Any overtime result is a crapshoot. Dallas won 3 of 4, so they advanced. The Sharks missed Kyle McLaren big time, he was a big stay at home defenseman who could check some dudes and clear out the crease. Brendan Morrow and Mike Ribeiro and Brad Richards all lived way too comfortably out there.

The Sharks could’ve also used a 35 goal power forward, some 6’2” 220 guys who scores all his goals on rebounds at the goal mouth. Their biggest forward is Thornton, and he’s a passer.

I was more disappointed in the Canadiens. They were 4-0-0 against Philly in the regular season and choked. Their goalie really let them down and I think it was a humongous mistake letting Cristobal Huet go to Washington for a 2nd round pick. Stupid. Also, their power play, so good in the regular season, was missing in action in the playoffs.

I’m shocked my two favorite teams combined for a mere 11 playoff wins. I thought the number would be 20 or so.

I don’t live near a levee. I live on a cliff. I’d take my laptop, my cell phone (with charger), my car, a suitcase full of clothes, and my wallet?

I might have to take Manolis too so he doesn’t drown, right? But does he get to bring his own five things? Because I’m not wasting one of my other four things on his clothes. Fuck that. He can wear my baggy shit or be naked.

Mmmm. Naked Manolis.

I’d sing “This is going to be the day that I kill myself singing this awful overrated song.”

I’d ask some really awkward, uncomfortable sexual stuff about Manu Ginobili. Oh, and definitely stuff about television and movies, because you guys don’t seem to care about my opinion on those things at all, which is a shame.

April ‘05 ESPN the Magazine with Manu on it, and I think the title of it was “What’s Not To Love About Manu and the Spurs?”

The main article, by Ric Bucher of all people, remains my favorite article about the Spurs ever. My friend Doug from the bar is friends with Ric (he lives in Half Moon Bay) and has breakfast with him now and then, and I’m bugging him to take me along one day, just to get the inside ESPN scoop on how people in the league and at TWWL really think about the Spurs.

Honestly, nobody. Probably not even Gervin. I know it’s not the “cool” thing to say, but honestly, I could give a shit about the Spurs pre-1989. I’m obsessed about current sports enough as it is, I don’t care about old timers, especially the cokeheads.

Fine. George Karl.

Gross, either way. I like shrimp, crab or lobster as far as “seafood that isn’t fish” goes. And either lobster I’m kind of so-so with after my most recent experience. I’d never had a whole one before but finally got the opportunity, but it’s really gross and there was green lobster poop everywhere…

I’ve said too much.

Thank you for humoring me, I love you.

It was damn frustrating to see us trade out of the 1st round (again) but when you look at the deal they got, a 4th rounder this year and a 1st rounder next year, it’s not that bad. Basically I think the team is counting on Carolina finishing with a worse record than 8-8 next year and the pick being better than Philly’s #19 was this year. I don’t hate the trade mainly because if we did pick at 19, we’d have taken Jeff Otah, an OT from Pitt, and he wouldn’t have played this year unless there were injuries to the starters. I’d rather have day one draft picks that will contribute right away.

Anyway, Trevor Laws, the DT from Notre Dame, I think was a bit of a reach at pick 47 and he’s not super athletic, but if he can be a decent 3rd tackle, I guess that’s okay. I’m more excited about picking up WR Desean Jackson, from Cal, at 49. He’s one of the few guys in the draft I’ve actually seen play, and he definitely has 1st round talent. Questions with him are his size and immaturity, but if nothing else he’ll finally give us the returner we’ve lacked since the Vai Sikahema days. If the Eagles had any kind of special teams last year they’d have made the playoffs.

Quintin Demps is a FS I’m excited about and he’s got great range and coverage skills supposedly, but he’s not much of a hitter. Still we could use him in the dime and he should make J.R. Reed expendable. I’m not sure if he’s the heir apparent for Brian Dawkins, but he might be a decent stopgap til we draft a stud safety next year.

Jack Ikegwuonu was supposedly a CB with 1st round talent before he busted his knee up in a January workout, so he slipped all the way to the 4th round and he won’t play this year. Still, if he recovers, it could be a steal.

A bunch of our picks were gambles on raw, small school athletes so who the hell really knows? As long as the team gets younger and faster, especially on defense, I’ll be happy. Corner Lito Sheppherd is still here, because none of the trade offers they received for him were apparently satisfactory enough so for the time being, we should have the best, deepest secondary in football.

Still, bad attitude and crazy, selfish antics and all, I’d probably trade Lito and one of our 1st rounders next year for WR Chad Johnson, if he was made available.

The one draft pick I’m disappointed we didn’t get is FB Owen Scmitt from West Virginia. We need a FB and he was the only one I’d heard of.

Easy. Two words: Brian Westbrook.

He is the Manu Ginobili of the NFL. He makes more highlight plays than anyone, he plays with a lot of heart, and he is clutch late in games. He has scored a lot of wondrous touchdowns the last few years, and like Manu playing with the second unit, even when opposing defenses know he’s the only threat, they still can’t stop him.

Manu can shoot, drive or pass. Brian can run, catch or block. He’s easily the most thrilling RB to come along since Barry Sanders (although the kid on the Vikings might give him a run for his money).

As far as the Eagles as a team go, they’re similar to the Spurs in that they value character and “good guys” and don’t like to spend too much money.

Worst NBA head coach? Who can tell? Probably somebody like Sam Mitchell, who could only coax a .500 record out of one of the most talented rosters in the league.

Most overrated? Definitely Don Nelson. I’m never going to write these words again, so highlight them:
Mark Cuban was right about him.

Now I don’t know about their contract lawsuit or any of that business, but as far as Cuban’s accusation that Nelson enjoys being the underdog and doesn’t feel comfortable coaching a dominant team that’s expected to win, I’d have to agree. The man has an aversion to bigs and to defense. You can’t win in the NBA without defense, that’s all there is to it. It was criminal this year how much he underused Andris Biedrins and Brandon Wright.

Hmm. This is a good one. It’s pretty damn hard to think of five current ones I like.

Miroslav Klose of Germany is one though.
Ooh, definitely Lionel Messi of Argentina, who could be one of the all time greats.
Fernando Torres of Spain has a lot of skill and I admire his game.
Michael Essien of Ghana might be the best midfielder in the world right now.
And 5th, I’ll go with Zlatan Ibrahimovic of Sweden, a guy without much speed but a lot of skill.

All time I had a much easier time of it.

5. Hakan Sukur – Only because I have to have one Turk on the list.
4. Jurgen Klinsmann – The first picture that pops into my head when I think of the classic striker.
3. Maradona – Man could he ever tear through people. Even though Manu is a much better role model, he’ll never mean half as much to his countrymen as this little cokehead did.
2. Zinedine Zidane – Take the previous sentence and multiply it by 20 and you have the same thing with him and Tony Parker. Zidane is the all time master and I’ve seen him singlehandedly dominate games against Brazil, twice.
1. Dennis Bergkamp – Like Ibrahimovic, he wasn’t the fastest guy, but he had all the skills, all the tricks, he was clever as hell. Very fun to watch play, very efficient with his touches and he’s a Youtube must.

I’d rather go back to Istanbul.

For the same reason that big is such a small word.

The only people who think of Hawaii as a state are anal twats who love round numbers. It’s no more (or less) American than Bermuda.

I would think a cow’s life is too depressing too laugh a whole lot. The highlights are having your nipples pinched by some stranger, being tipped over by drunks, and getting brutally fucked by bulls. Oh and you probably get murdered for your skin and meat. They’re probably better off not thinking a whole bunch.

Optimus Prime.

I know next to nothing about the former, so by default, Nascar. Though to be clear where I stand on that “sport” one of my favorite T-shirts is black, with a bright red, blue and orange logo that looks like the Nascar one, but it says “Boring.”

Whichever Democrat gets nominated. I truly don’t care anymore. I’m not even sure if I’ll vote. I tried voting once, in ‘04, and it didn’t work out for me.

I’m in favor of electric cars, steam powered cars, vegetable fuel powered cars, or staying the hell home and watching TV.

I’ve had more tangible results from the latter.

It’s apples and oranges. Stewart is a comedian and he’s got an ensemble cast around him. Colbert is a performer and he can do all sorts of neat things with his face. I have to grudgingly pick the former, for variety and relevance, but Colbert, I believe, is the more talented one.

I had sex after Game 1, and that made things feel a little better. I didn’t have sex after Game 2, and now I still feel crummy.

Old school, definitely Bill Hicks. Very funny, very important.

Of the guys still living, probably Dave Chappelle as a big name guy and Brian Posehn as the less known, “absurd comedy” guy. I’ve seen him live three times and he always cracks me up.

Very funny, very hot and she’s my dream woman. We could never be together because she’d always make fun of me (especially my man parts) and I’m way too sensitive for that.

What’s annoying about her is that she’s got no work ethic. She doesn’t write new material nearly often enough and when I went to see her live once she was doing the same jokes from like two years ago.

Uh, this makes no sense. If they drafted either, they’d be like a 2 or 3 seed in the East instead of 8th, so they wouldn’t have played in the first round. If you’re talking about a latter round match-up, it’s definitely possible, given how soft and fragile Boston has looked.

This has got to be the first time ever a politician has lied or reversed his position on a previous statement. I hope somebody makes note of it for posterity.

Neat.

McGwire is way smarter and much less of a publicity hog. I think he’s content to enjoy his money and babes away from the spotlight. Clemens was still a a major leaguer as recently as last year where as McGwire retired like seven years ago..

Bird, definitely. Not even close. It annoys me that the two are lumped together so often. Bird was the better player and had many more skills.

Again, I’m not a basketball historian, but I imagine this isn’t that close. Hawks management royally screwed Dominique in ‘94 though. The one time he had a real team around him, and they trade him mid-season for Danny Manning. That shit wasn’t right. No wonder they got “upset” by Indiana in the second round that year.

Stockton. At least he had some defensive value.

Williams. The difference in defense between them isn’t enough to make up Williams’ massive edge in power and on base percentage.