Making our case.

Oh, it’s not over. Not by a long stretch.

Sure, some people will say it’s over. They’ll want us to admit it and bow out gracefully. But you know what I say about those people? I say they hate white people. I say they call us crackers behind our backs. I say they hate the working, hard-working basketball players, white basketball players, that form the backbone of this great sport. Come June you can’t win with those fancy latte-sipping, loafer-wearing, athletic, young, graceful athletes.

And those games in L.A.? Those really shouldn’t count. The Spurs are hard working folks, and they don’t have time to play games that late. They’re too busy working a second job to pay for day care for their kids. Now game 3 in S.A., on a Sunday, that’s fair. The hard-working Spurs won’t have to travel and spend their hard-earned money on these outrageously priced gallons of gas, which, if the Spurs had their way, would cost less.

I don’t think our fellow nominee can win against the Eastern Conference candidate. The Lakers have not been completely vetted by the media yet. What if something outrageous comes out? What if Sasha Vujacic is really part cyborg? There’s already been rumblings about that. What if D.J. Mbenga wears leather underpants? Why won’t my opponent address the questions? What are they trying to hide?

If you ask me, this series is tied 2-2. We totally beat New Orleans 91-82 last Monday. Yes, I realize my opponent wasn’t invited that night, but you look those fans in the eye and you tell them their game didn’t matter. I won’t do it. And while that may seem like only one game, it’s actually worth two because everyone knows you have to win New Orleans to win in mid-June.

Ending this series now is just premature. What if Kobe Bryant gets assassinated? What then? Or what if David Stern, despite knowing the Lakers are exactly what the NBA need, stepped in and anointed us the winners? WHAT ABOUT D.J. MBENGA’S LEATHER UNDERPANTS??

Whatever happens, I’ll work as hard as I can to elect a Western Conference candidate this June. We will come together as conference, united in service of the hopes and dreams that apply too all creeds and races, including crackers. Thank you, and God bless you and God bless the NBA.
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