Dear phx and followers:

Dear phx-

Thanks for your stay in San Antonio, it was fun and we only hope that you enjoyed your stay since you may not be coming back until next year.

As a basketball fan, I've taken the liberty of analyzing Tuesday night's game in the hopes of helping you to craft new excuses unheard of yet (tremendously difficult since you've pretty much exhausted every theory) that will explain your utter collapse.  Also I'm doing this because I want to pre-empt any verbal irresponsibility or psychological ploy involving the media.  I know what it's like (not really, but let's pretend for rhetorical sake) to consistantly get owned by another team, and I want to help you to rationalize this loss and move forward.  Here are some possible excuses I came up with for you to use to take away from the obvious superiority of the other team, and to use to attempt to regain some confidence:

  1. "The officials gave the game to San Antonio."  Uh, not so much.  It actually appeared to be a very balanced officiating crew behind F'n Bavetta, and the calls were evenly spaced phx 29 - SPURS 25.  Plus, everyone's already heard that one.
  2. "The floppers on the SPURS determined the outcome of the game, and influenced the refs."  Yeah, again, not so much.  Watching this game it was impossible not to notice the way little stevie flew across the floor with so little as a slight breeze in the AT&T Center.  It's gonna be hard to sell that when Kurt Thomas was the only foul out and the suns' perimeter guards were the only ones flailing to the hardwood.
  3. "San Antonio played so dirty, and it was hard to uphold a lead AND our character."  That was actually viable until Tony took one of shaq's 250lb. hamhocks to the ribs.  No, I'm kidding.  It was never viable.  No blood was drawn and your trainer didn't have to unpack any ointment.  There were no questionable plays, and no blatant physical bullying by the SPURS. 
  4. "We struggled with injuries."  Since Grant Hill is not exactly considered a 'lock-down defender,' this excuse doesn't really work either.  Barbosa fills Hill's spot better than Hill, and as a result eliminates this excuse from your Rolodex as well.
  5. "We were just so worn out from Game 1, that it was hard to play 48 minutes."  See those other guys, on that other bench?  They have a collective age of 7429 years.  Some of their guys actually walked with Christ.  Others were there when bread was first sliced.  They had the same time off you did.
  6. "We struggled with foul trouble all game and couldn't stay on the floor."  This game, much to the dismay of some of us (mainly just me), Pop didn't take it straight at you as much.  The paint scoring was mainly dominated by layups, and we leaned on the jumper for the other points.  As proof of this, Tim Duncan had an 'average' night.  Instead of drawing fouls, we simply ran around you and by you and under you.  Your bigs finished with 7 fouls only on the game.  The main reason for shaq's frequent trips to the bench were for oxygen and a chicken wing, not because of foul trouble.  Your problem was that your golden boy STAT couldn't find the rim in the 3rd.
  7. "They only did what they were supposed to do.  A series doesn't begin until a road team wins a game."  Fair enough, but do you also know that 94% of the teams leading 2-0 in a 7 game series go on to win the series?  Do you also know that you now have to beat the defending NBA champions 4 out of 5 games, with 2 of those games back in San Antonio?  They definately did what they were supposed to do, but you were also supposed to be better and ready to beat this old San Antonio team.

This is a really tough process, dodging accountability for losing!  I don't know how you guys consistantly and unflinching do it after every failure!  Let me know if I'm missing something, cause I can't think of anything else.  I'm sure you'll step up and find something as you can always be counted on to do; I just hope that something is new and fresh, because we're all getting really bored with your same old excuses. 

Again, thanks for visiting, and we'll see you this weekend.


-The San Antonio SPURS and fans

This is fan-created content on The opinion here is not necessarily shared by the editorial staff at Pounding the Rock.

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