Insert Wacky Title Here

    It's been a pretty hectic week for your humble narrator.  The Eagles was going along dreamily for three quarters and they were absolutely destroying the Giants 24-7 (and it should have been about 34-7, if not for self-inflicted errors).  Not only was the offense humming along, as I'd expected, but the defensive line was breezing by their tackles like they were pylons.  We sacked Eli Manning 8 times.  8 TIMES.  And still it wasn't enough.

Everything that could go wrong went wrong in the 4th.  The Giants got a gift fumble recovery touchdown when our strong safety, the very replaceable Michael Lewis, stupidly tried to fall on a rolling ball at the 5 yard line on the dead run while being pursued heavily from behind.  All he had to do was just kick the ball out of the end zone and we'd not only have possession, but it'd be a touchback and we'd have at the 20.  And that would've been the ball game.

But no, the Giants fell on it in the end zone to make it 24-14.  Then Westbrook fumbled inside his own 30 and New York scored again to cut it to 24-21.  By this point I was very upset because my parlay bet (Eagles -3) was screwed.  But at least we'll win the game, I thought.

Ha.

Nope.  Another three and out and the Giants wisely conserving all their time outs led to them getting the ball back with a minute left and they drove down the field no problem for the tying field goal.  

And to top it off, not only did Philly lose in OT, but our best defensive end Jevon Kearse injured his knee and he's done for the year.   He smashed it up in an OT that should've never happened.   So yeah, that was a great day.  

Did I mention we fucked up 4th and one twice?  Or that David Akers missed a field goal?  Or that L.J. Smith who looked like the best TE in football for the first three quarters all of a sudden catch a cold in the 4th and overtime?   Well all those things happened too.  Easily the worst feeling I've had after a game since Game 6 of the 2002 World Series.  Perhaps you remember that I didn't get to see Game 7 for our Spurs last summer because on a plane.  There, there's your obligatory Spurs reference for this post.

On Monday, just when I realized I hated sports again, the Dodgers pulled off the most amazing comeback I've ever seen in against the Padres.  They were down 9-5 in the 9th inning, and then Jeff Kent, J.D. Drew, Russell Martin, and Marlon Anderson hit back to back to back to back homers to tie it up.  Then San Diego went ahead once more in the top of the 10th, only to lose it two a two-run Nomar Garciaparra walkoff shot.  So I like sports again.  Even though now as I type this, the Dodgers trail the Pads by 1.5 games with one week to go, and I my bet with this idiot friend of mine that the former would finish ahead in the standings of the latter isn't looking too good.

Oh also, my Manu Ginobili shoes came in the mail on Monday.  I don't know why I was trying to kid myself.  I am most definitely NOT a size 10.5.   The left foot is merely uncomfortable in the shoes.  The right foot on the other hand (or other foot) is nothing but excruciating pain with every step.  They look totally kickass though.  There's your obligatory bonus Spurs reference.  

Oh also, I watched this new TV show on NBC.  It's called "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip."  I liked it.  Lots.  It's the new Aaron Sorkin show that's supposed to make fun of Saturday Night Live, which is ironic because it's on the same network as SNL.  Go watch it.  Aaron Sorkin shows are fun to bet on too.  Get a bunch of friends together, everyone throw in 10 bucks, and each of you gets to pick one character from the show.  If the character you pick gets to deliver that episode's patented "Aaron Sorkin lesson for the show where nobody on the planet in real life would speak this intelligently without writing it ahead of time three minute monologue" you win the money.  

    What happened Tuesday?  Nothing.  Nothing cool ever happens on a Tuesday.  I missed my first class in a trolley mishap.  Wore my new shoes to impress this girl I had a nice conversation with the week before.  Of course she didn't show up to class.   And I almost got fired from the newspaper because apparently it's bad to commit libel in articles.  Sue me you humorless shits, I'm not a journalism major.  Everyone I read writes a hundred libelous things a day, and they never get in trouble.  This kid in the sports section is allowed to copy Bill Simmons' columns verbatim, and he never gets in trouble because our editor is a weirdo who doesn't like sports, so he doesn't know who that is.  But I get yelled at because I write serious columns and suggested that John Mark Karr likes little girls.   I DON'T CARE IF HE DIDN'T GET CONVICTED YET, THAT'S WHY HIS WIFE LEFT HIM, ASSHEAD.  

    On Wednesday I didn't go to school.  I had a job interview to intern for Senator Ducheny.  It went well and they hired me.  I was very nervous and it felt like I had peanuts in my throat for the first ten minutes, but eventually I loosened up.   I realized however that I will need my car back because it just takes too damn long to get here by trolley and I need to do 80 hours of this shit before the semester ends.  

Then I went home and wrote a sweet paper for my American Presidents class.   The inspiration of the paper was this article:  

http://www.rollingstone.com/news/story/10432334/was_the_2004_election_stolen

    Go read it and try not to swear for an hour afterward.  I dare you.  For some reason in the paper I related my stupid friend (the same one currently beating me in the Dodger-Padres bet) that lost this 8 pick football parlay bet to why the Electoral College sucks.  But it totally made sense, I swear.  

    Basically I ridiculed him for bragging about going 5-3 on the bet because it was the second likeliest outcome after 4-4 (imagine picking heads every single time on eight coin flips) and he'd have had to get all eight games right to win $1,900 or it's worthless.  I compared that to American Political scientists bragging that we've only had ten controversial elections thus far out of 55 under the Electoral College.   See?   Smooth.  

    On Thursday I had the same classes as Tuesday.  The girl was here this time, but while she was talking to her friend I heard her mention that she had a boyfriend roughly 518 times.  I think I was meant to hear it actually.  Bitch.   Oh, and my boss told me that there's a dress code for the job, so I have to get a bunch of nice clothes.  

    Friday I went to one class and it was about how political theorists in the early 19th century tried to rationalize slavery.  It was painful having to listen to my professor, a fellow Eagles fans whom I like and respect, having to go out of his way to explain that these weren't his personal beliefs and it's so distasteful and nauseating to him and blah blah blah like twelve times in a half hour.  Okay, we get it, you're not racist.  Nobody will sue you or the school.  We're all adults here, can we move on?  It's so painfully awkward living in a politically correct world.   I think this is why I enjoy The Office so much.  

Oh yeah, that show's third season premiered on Thursday.  It was different and unexpected.  Jim works in a new office now because he couldn't stand to not be with Pam.  I found out on a message board that their couple nickname (like Benifer or Bradgelina or Wilicity H. Muffman) is "Jam" and a little part of me died inside.  So anyway there are like two offices now I guess.  Most of the first show was about everyone reacting awkwardly to finding out Oscar is gay.  Of course Michael started all the mess and escalated it too...  The funniest part of the episode by far though was this woman in "the second office" calling out Jim for making weird faces to the camera.   If you don't watch the show you have no idea what I'm talking about.

Also on Friday, I had my first day at work.  My boss told me all the reasons my resume was complete ass, but in a friendly way.  Couldn't have been too bad if they hired me, right?  I spent most of the day cutting & pasting information from the Toyota website onto a Word document because our Senator wants a new Prius when she wins in November.   It's for her image, of course.  

I then flew home to the bay area to go to the Eagles-Niners game.  You'll never believe this, but my Southwest flight was delayed two hours.  

Today I got my car from this garage it'd been in for a year, got car insurance, got two new tires, got an oil change, got gas, got a car wash, got shirts, got pants, got some Transformer comics, got my car battery recharged, got dinner, got my ass handed to me in some board game, and got on the computer to type this.  

Saw that the Padres won and Dodgers lost.  It made me angry.  Saw Notre Dame had a big comeback win vs Michigan State, and my boy Jeff Samardzija finally had a big game with 7 for 113 and 2 TDs.   It made me happy.  

So yeah, that was my week.   Now for the week 3 picks, only 8 hours before kickoff where they'll be of no use to the no people who don't read this.  All you need to know about point spreads and how dumb gambling on football is that in Week 1 I went 10-6 picking winners and losers but 11-5 vs the spread, and in Week 2 I went 12-4 picking winners and losers but 6-10 vs the spread.  

So far I'm 22-10 just picking the games.  Not great, not bad.   The one that counts though is vs the line, where I'm still floating above water at 17-15, ahead of both the Sports Guy, and just barely, the Sports Gal.  Ugh.  

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/060922

    Peter King is 15-17 too.

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2006/writers/peter_king/09/13/week2.pickoff/index.html

    So, yay me.  

Carolina at Tampa Bay (+3)    Steve Smith is finally making his 2006 debut and will be eager to show that he was legitimately hurt and it wasn't a hold out for more money.  Logically, it would look like he was being honest if he went out there and was slow and awful, but I'm guessing he won't see it that way.  The absolute last chance I'm giving Carolina to get their shit together.  Panthers to win and cover.  

Chicago at Minnesota (+3.5)    I like the Bears and all, and I did pick them to win the division, but I'm not about to bet against a home underdog when they're 2-0.  Minny will be rightly pissed about that.  Vikings to win and cover.

Cincinnati at Pittsburgh (-1.5)      No way can I trust the Steelers here.  Roethlisberger looked like crap last week and Troy Polamalu's banged up too.  I'll take my chances with Carson Palmer in a big revenge game for him.  I hope he doesn't get a case of the flinchies like Big Ben did on Monday though.   Bengals to win and cover.

Green Bay at Detroit (-7)  I think so little of the woeful Lions that I'm actually backing Brett Favre on the road.  And if you think I'd actually bet a nickel of my own money on this game, you're a lunatic.   Green Bay to win and cover.

Jacksonville at Indianapolis (-7)  The spread here is annoyingly perfect.  You can't see the Colts winning by more or the Jags losing by less, you just can't.  I'm guessing the division implications will help Jacksonville avoid the classic letdown after a MNF win.  It should help that Indy can't run worth a shit.  Colts to win, Jaguars to cover.

NY Jets at Buffalo (-5.5)  Now this line here isn't problematic at all.  I'm almost positive the Jets are the better team, just because of the wide disparity between the two QBs.  I'll take my chances with Chad this week.   Jets to win and cover.

Tennessee at Miami (-10.5)  The Dolphins ruined a huge six team teaser parlay for me so fuck them.  I'm never betting on Duante Culpepper again.  Dolphins to win, Titans to cover.

Washington at Houston (+4)    My brain says I should take the home underdog here in a battle of 0-2s, especially since the Texans haven't looked any worse than the Redskins thus far.  However, my gut says that Clinton Portis will grind out a W for the desperate Skins and that I've picked too many underdogs already.   Redskins to win and cover.

Baltimore at Cleveland (+7)    That poor Charlie Frye vs. the Baltimore defense... and he won't even have Kellen Winslow to throw to past the 2nd quarter since Ray Lewis is going to decapitate him by the 2nd quarter for yapping too much....  Ravens to win and cover.

NY Giants at Seattle (-3.5)  The Giants might be a little too full of themselves coming off the miracle win in Philly.  What they should realize is that they were thoroughly dominated for three and a half quarters.   I'm certainly not picking against a Seahawks team that went 10-0 at home last year until they give me a reason.   Seahawks to win and cover.

Philadelphia at San Francisco (+6)   Philly, all the way.  Lock o' the week, easy.   They're pissed off after last Sunday.  You can book this.  I am openly mocking the gambling gods right now.  I don't care.  I'm 3-1 lifetime in Eagles-Niners games in person.   Of course my one loss was with McNabb at the helm....   Screw it, we're getting at least 34 points this game.  Eagles to win and cover.  I get to drive back to San Diego for 8 hours after this game by the way.  Livin' la vida loca.  

St. Louis at Arizona (-4.5)  If the Cardinals are the wild card team I think they are, they'll take care of business vs. a shaky Rams outfit that plays gutless on the road.  Cardinals to win and cover.

Denver at New England (-6.5)  Lotsa folks think the Broncos will pull a surprise here, but in a game where one team has a star QB with no WRs, and the other has star WRs and no QB, I'll take my chance with the QB.  At home.   Patriots to win and cover.  

Atlanta at New Orleans (+3.5)  Reggie!  Reggie!  Reggie!   Saints to win and cover and Vick to have a statline of 3 of 19 for 12 yards and five interceptions and 13 carries for 67 yards and three fumbles.   I'm all about the objectivenessocity.